FCTB034: Do You Belong Where You Belong?

The need to belong is a strong human need. Maslow’s hierarchy says once we meet the need for food, water, and safety the next most important need is the need for love and belonging. Yet at the top of that hierarchy is the need for self actualization.

If we find belonging in a place that doesn’t honor who we are it often prevents us from reaching our fullest potential.

Hear more about the balance between belonging and self fulfillment in this episode.


FCTB031: How to Rediscover Who You Really Are

I’m convinced most people don’t know who they are. Life conditions us at a young age to suppress our true selves. We suppress ourselves to protect ourselves, to fit in, or even just to make sense of why something did or didn’t happen. Yet at some point the brick wall we’ve built around ourselves begins to hold us back. We’re not really living our best lives.

In this episode I discuss:

  • How we lose ourselves
  • How we can find ourselves


FCTB030: How To Know If You’re Settling

It’s been a month since the last episode, and I’m back from a month-long hiatus. I was able to accomplish so much and have my much-needed rest, and I am excited to share with you this episode’s topic.

There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. – Nelson Mandela

We sometimes find ourselves thinking we might be settling into our lives. Settling has been defined as the act of giving up, and no one knows it better if we are settling or have given up in our lives than ourselves. There will always be a sense of dissatisfaction in one way or another that we might construe as settling, and that is what I want to define clearly here.

We learn the enumerated guidelines on how to discern if we are merely settling and some examples to paint a more vivid picture of what settling looks like specifically in relationships:

#1 Understand your needs. As with any problem in human history, the first step involves understanding what led to it. Understand your needs, articulate them so you can communicate your needs to other people, and discern when these needs aren’t met. Go back to your Life Balance Wheel to understand your needs effectively (1:49).

#2 Check if you’re in a situation that is good enough. Sometimes you get too complacent with your current situation and think it is good enough, that you don’t even know if great is possible. If you’re in such circumstance that you are no longer striving for something better, you could be settling (8:58).

#3 Are you starting to make excuses? Following point #1, you will have your needs defined, but you find yourself making excuses for yourself or for other people because you or they are not meeting the needs you have set is a symptom of settling. Even seemingly trivial matters can be the manifestation of an unarticulated and unmet core need (10:01).

#4 There are ideas and dreams that you are not pursuing. There will be ideas, visions, dreams, goals, and things that you want in your life and are constantly bugging you. If you are merely sitting on the idea, because you do not have the skills needed to accomplish or are scared, and not stretching yourself towards it, odds are you’re settling (13:05).

#5 Not giving your best. This can be a manifested by the previous symptoms of settling I’ve provided like making excuses and just sitting in your ideas. If you’re just doing the bare minimum to stay afloat knowing that there’s so much more you can invest, do, and contribute, it is a sure sign of settling (14:35).

#6 If you’ve given up. If you’d rather have something else than what you have, but you’re not doing steps to acquire that something else, then you’re settling (16:57).

Relevant Links:

How To Be Content Where You Are | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Creating Balance and Setting Boundaries | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Transformation Zone: Life Balance Wheel| From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Life isn’t in black and white, and sometimes, we confuse compromise or straight-up tripping as settling. I hope this short guide helps you recognize when it happens. I have always promoted growth, transformation and creating a life you love – and settling is the complete opposite of that, so I want to make sure you can distinguish it.

Don’t give up on your dreams. Never settle.

If you find that this episode reignited a flame inside you and reminded or kept you from settling, I’ll greatly appreciate if you can share it to your circle so it can do the same for them too. If you want to share your experience of thoughts on this episode, give me a shout out at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com or in the comments section below.

I appreciate the time you take listening and the support you’ve given to the show. Subscribe to From Butterflies to Caterpillars on Patreon to get first dibs to episodes plus exclusive perks. You can also find the show on iTunesSoundcloudStitcherGooglePlay, and Podbean. Remember to leave the podcast a rating and review on the platform you’re listening to. This allows us to reach more people and move up the rankings.


FCTB029: Why It’s Important To Slow Down and Take A Break

This week’s episode is about the importance of slowing down and taking a break. Sometimes we wear being constantly busy as a badge of honor. But remaining busy for too long and not slowing down runs us all the risk of burning out.

At some point, busy-ness isn’t as productive as perceived. When this happens, it is best to step back, take a break and re-energize. I’d like to compare our productivity and sanity to working out and muscle-building where rest is just as critical of a component to make it effective.

I will not be doing podcasts for a whole month, as I go on a break. I will be going on a vacation, to slow down and focus on an exciting project that you’ll hear about on this episode.

Today, I devoted the podcast to discuss the Why and How of slowing down and taking breaks.

Reasons to Slow Down:

  • It allows us to re-calibrate and deal with things from a new perspective, and an example of when the simplest fatigue gets to me (6:21).
  • Allows for personal reflection of our circumstances and needs and a story that illustrates how busy-ness preoccupies us from doing so (8:00).
  • Slowing down and taking a break lets us pay attention to certain facets of our lives to maintain balance (9:25).
  • Resting and taking breaks prevents us from constantly being in our heads, doing or thinking about something instead of being present and just enjoying the moment (10:43).
  • Stepping back permits us to be more effective, especially with routine or repeated tasks, and come up with a system or process to make things more efficient (11:44).

How to Slow Down?

  • Just take a break – it can be for a couple of minutes, days, or weeks (13:17).
  • Take vacations and step away from your daily routine (13:58).
  • Turn things down and say no when you have too much on your plate (14:23).
  • Give yourself more time to accomplish things, everything doesn’t have to be done right now (14:50).
  • Be an MVP – Minimally Viable Product – this isn’t necessarily the best, greatest, top of the line product, but it’s the one that gets the job done and keep things afloat (16:01).

It is often perceived that by taking breaks we lose time, when actually we’re gaining more time by doing so. I hope that this episode gives you something to ponder on especially if you’re always on-the-go.

Give yourself a break, breathe, and maybe be an MVP.

If you’re having serious withdrawal while I’m on break, you can find me on the blog and all over social media.

Subscribe to the podcast via Patreon for other exclusive content and other perks. You can also find the show on iTunesSoundcloudStitcherGooglePlay, and Podbean. Remember to leave the podcast a rating and review on the platform you’re listening to so we can reach more people and move up the rankings.

 

 


FCTB028: Celebrate and Honor Yourself

My twin sister graduated with a Doctorate in Education, a truly big achievement, and she decided to host a big party to celebrate that.

This made me devote this episode on celebrating our accomplishments no matter how big or small – celebrating all the things we’ve done, and what we’ve gone through in our journey. Lisa Nichols said that what gets celebrated gets repeated, and I think this is reason enough for everyone to honor our journey and efforts towards our vision and goals.

Some of the points raised in this episode include:

  • Why I initially questioned the need to throw such a big party where our family and relatives converged – with balloons, banners, cakes, the works (0:51)!
  • A surprise that got me bending over backward to execute, which drove me to ask myself why I don’t do or buy the same things for myself (1:45).
  • The need to take time to celebrate ourselves, and not wait for big things or moments to do so (4:35).
  • Why a mindset that we still have so far to go and so much needed to accomplish prompts us to compare with others, feel inadequate with what we have, and keep us from going when we’re already 3 feet from gold (6:14).
  • A story of a 4-hour drive to Dallas where I had to borrow my sister’s car made me ponder on the reluctance of other people to celebrate their wins to protect the feelings of people they love and prevent others from feeling inferior (10:40).
  • How shining your light can improve your feelings, disposition, confidence and motivation, why these positive experiences must not be denied from ourselves, and how, in turn, it benefits those who come behind us (13:00).
  • The need for things in our lives to be aligned with whatever point of our lives we’re in, and honoring that our satisfying our needs – which can be through material things – can serve as a celebration of our growth, and allows us to show up better and give better (15:00).
  • The story behind the moniker Modest Charlene and why I encourage people not to be too modest and instead celebrate their victories (18:52).
  • Identifying areas that aren’t congruent in your life, and reasons why you’re holding back from celebrating (22:10).

How do you celebrate and honor yourself? It doesn’t matter if you do it in an intimate or grandiose manner, the important thing is your ability to give yourself a pat on the back for what you’ve done and reached. Doing so gives us positive reinforcement to do more and achieve more – and this ensures personal growth.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this episode’s topic. Share them in the comments section or email me directly at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com.

You can show your support by subscribing to the podcast via Patreon and get first dibs to episodes and other exclusive content. You can also find the show on iTunesSoundcloudStitcherGooglePlay, and Podbean – kindly leave the podcast a rating and review on the platform you’re listening to so we can reach more people and move up the rankings.

Thank you for listening and supporting From Caterpillars to Butterflies. Until next time!


FCTB027: How To Be Content Where You Are

A couple of days ago, I saw a post in social media that implied someone not being content with their life. Upon reading that, I wonder why people entertain negativity in their lives, and tend to wear their misery as a badge of honor.

My belief that life is a series of journeys where we ought to be always working our way towards something, pulled by a vision, lived in positivity, and putting our energy towards our goals’ realization.

Today, I tackled the negativity and discontent people experience navigating their lives, and how to deal with dissatisfaction when it is inevitable. Other areas I’ve discussed are:

  • Working towards a vision without despising where you are, and avoiding the misery whilst in the gap by training one’s self to shift mindset from focusing on negativities to the more satisfying parts of life (3:54).
  • The paradox of what people unanimously want out of their life vs. how they’re living it, and Esther Hick’s philosophy of being satisfied with right here and right now (4:30).
  • How practicing a contented mindset provides an individual to have the energy and motivation to work on goals, and how at the other end despair kills motivation and desire (6:03).
  • How satisfaction and dissatisfaction can co-exist in our life in a model similar to the Yin-Yang (8:05).
  • A narrative on how a family weekend gathering highlights how satisfaction and discontent can exist at the same time and space, how I responded to the situation, and how to find the overarching theme in this co-existence (9:10; 18:33).
  • The reason why people tend to focus on dissatisfaction, and how to properly acknowledge its presence and the friction (11:22).
  • Why we need to view dissatisfaction with our current situation as a blessing instead of a curse, and as an indication of growth (13:05; 20:40).
  • How to deal with dissatisfaction by identifying what’s causing it, acknowledging and taking actions to close the gap between discontent and contentment, and making the process of the closing the gap be your journey (15:20; 20:52).
  • Understand that as long as you’re committed to your life’s journey there’s no need to be unhappy, and despite obstacles, you’ll push through to get to your destination (17:22).
  • The importance of practicing being satisfied as they key to enjoy your experience of life (21:30).

Relevant Links:

Home of Abraham-Hicks Law of Attraction

You Are Meant To Transform (How A Caterpillar Becomes A Butterfly) | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

FCTB007: Why You Need A Personal Growth Plan and How to Create On | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Feeling contentment in a fast world of unending demands may seem elusive, but it is just a matter of changing one’s mindset. I hope that this episode helps you to get into that mentality, and I challenge you to make that shift now.

Is this an area you need help with? Email me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com or comment below so we can catch-up and see how we can work together towards a more satisfying life.

Thanks for tuning in and your constant support. Subscribe to the podcast via Patreon to get first dibs to episodes and other exclusive content. You can also find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Remember to leave the podcast a rating and review on the platform you’re listening to so we can reach more people and move up the rankings.


FCTB026: How Your Personal Growth Influences Your Spiritual Growth and Vice Versa

If you’ve been following From Butterflies To Caterpillars for some time, you’d know that I advocate growth. I also believe that personal growth and how we live our lives is an extension of our spirituality. Personally, I find that the work I’m doing improving myself and helping others achieve personal growth serves a broader purpose and benefit the spiritual life.

 Faith without works is dead. James 2:20

I discuss why is it so, the different areas of our life that need growth, and how lacking in just one of these areas can stall our potential for success. The relationship between these facets of our life is the core of today’s episode and is what I will be expounding on today. Some of the points I raised on this episode are:

  • How difficulties in our lives prevent us from experiencing God and practicing our spirituality, and how our initiatives to overcome difficulties and grow on a personal level positions us to grow spiritually too (1:18).
  • The fruit of the spirit that help with our spirituality and how allowing these same fruits to transcend the other facets of our lives will translate and manifest into our visions and goals (3:10).
  • A story I’ve encountered recently that illustrates how one’s spirituality influences the principles which with you live your life with and experiences you go through (3:45).
  • My experience fueled by a worship song that put into words peoples’ journey, how growth and faith plays a big role as we traverse the great unknown, and in return how the journey brings us even closer to God (4:48; 8:18).
  • How focusing on fears and limitations keep us from going out in the water which can easily be aided through a growth mindset that goes beyond these, surpassing who we are and what we’re capable of (7:57).
  • The reason why our gifts and talents shouldn’t be hidden and must be used and shared with others as shown in the Parable of Talents (9:11).
  • What we should do in the instance that we are called to use our gifts but lacked the knowledge and confidence (13:00).
  • The three areas of our life that we must constantly work on and keep updated (15:10).
  • A story of how my faith was tested when I delved on real estate investing with my family (17:18).
  • An apparent discrepancy I noticed attending events over the number of people interested in growing spiritually, personally and technically (19:37).
  • The importance of people’s growth on the three areas of life intertwining making them unstoppable (21:20)

Grow in multiple facets. Multiply your talents. Learn the technical know-how. Be driven by personal growth. Worship and grow in your faith. Combine and intertwine them – then you will be unstoppable. Go be unstoppable. Go walk on water.

Growth is a cycle of learning, mastery and transcending into a higher level of even more learning. My challenge to you as I end this episode is to create a lifestyle where you’re always embracing growth.

Relevant Links:
The Truth About Purpose | From Caterpillars to Butterflies 

Oceans by Hillsong United | Spotify

The Parable of Talents | Bible Gateway

I appreciate the time you take listening and the support you’ve given to the show. Subscribe to From Butterflies to Caterpillars on Patreon to get first dibs to episodes and other perks. You can also find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Remember to leave the podcast a rating and review on the platform you’re listening to. This allows us to reach more people and move up the rankings.

I hope you learned a key takeaway or two today. If you have feedback or questions, I want to hear from you! Give me a shout out through the comments or by dropping me an email at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com. Let’s chat and see if we can work together on your personal and spiritual growth. If what you listened to today has been useful for you, feel free to share it with other too.

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Always said that personal growth is intertwined with spiritual.

Work I do in personal growth serves a broader purpose and benefit in spiritual.

1:18 When someone is down they’re gonna have a hard time experiencing God and resting in his presence as there are things suppressing their spiritual awareness.

1:48 As you grow personally, you can position yourself to grow spiritually as well, and vice versa.

2:36 When you’re in a funk, insecure, or unworthy, then spirituality will be difficult. As you grow as a person, you also develop as a spiritual being.

3:10 The fruits of the spirit:  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control

As you grow spiritual, these same fruits will manifest and translate in your life and goals.

3:45 Story online – book kept her marriage together by agreeing to an open marriage.

4:29 Spirituality influences the principles you live your life with and the experiences you go through.

4:48 Plane to San Diego, tarmac in Houston. Stirred up with a song by Hillsong United

5:41 I’ve been in a similar journey into the great unknown as the one being described in the song

6:09 A lot of times we’re reluctant, we not know enough, not skilled enough – this is the reason we need to grow into our purpose and our gifts. Through growth we’ll learn and be ready until the realization of our vision comes and happens.

7:57 We’re not going out to the water. Too focused on who or what we’re not, we don’t have and incapable of. Growth mindset goes beyond what we’re not and what we can’t, instead it transcends so we are and we’re capable.

8:18 “There I find You”. You find god in the midst of your calling and spiritual gifts. Helps you increase your faith.

9:11 your gifts aren’t for you, it shouldn’t be hidden – it is meant to be shared with others.

9:48 Parable of talents.

11:31 Burying our talents – we don’t wanna lose in the process, we think it is safer, too afraid to walk out into the great unknown. Living cautiously is criminal.

12:44 Not using your talents – thrown into darkness, despair, unhappiness.

13:00 Called to use our gifts but if we lacked knowledge, confidence, skill set, it is upon us to learn it. If you don’t use what you have you won’t be getting more.

14:39 How many times we have let go of something that would’ve been a gift because we are unwilling to hrow?

15:10 We know we’re supposed to grow and keep ourselves updated constantly.

16:35 As you grow personally it positions you to grow spiritually.

Personal, spiritual, technical growth together

17:18 Started investing in real estate, family joined me and we worked on a property together.

18:53 You may have the faith to get there, but will you have the faith to stay there? No, you need to grow.

19:37 Tony Robbins event. 9k people. Few black people. The same venue with a bishop, packed with black people.

21:20 Faith without works is dead. But if you’re too paralyzed or undisciplined to work, then you’re not gonna bring about what you’re having faith for.


FCTB025: How to Be Powerful

There’s been a lot of talk about power lately in my life. A few weeks ago, I was in an event with Courtney Sanders of Think and Grow Chick and a Facebook Live with Renee Lamb on Power Poses.

I decided that I should share with you, my followers, how to be powerful. As a prelude, I want to stress that I fully encourage purposefully and strategically creating our own opportunities and set ourselves to be successful. But these must be done within bounds – not resorting to manipulating or conniving with our relationships.  I also support emulating other people’s strategies towards success. But it must be applied through the foundation of authenticity to one’s self and treating lessons from coaches and mentors as reinforcement instead of a panacea to our challenges.

I have created a 7-point guide on the principles on what it takes to be powerful, together with some anecdotes that I discussed.

Know who you are. You’ll never be powerful living misaligned to who you truly are. Knowing who you are also entails that your thoughts and beliefs are congruent with your actions. Know what you stand for, believe in, and value; and what your purpose, gifts, and strengths are. Leading with your strengths and gifts allows you to operate in your power (1:13).

Have good character. Power with poor character is not sustained in the long term. We’ve seen big companies fail due to this. Always check your character at the door: be honest, never mislead people, following through on what you said you would, and look out for the best interest of the people. This way power is not bestowed through sheer authority but through respect (2:36).

Be authentic. You can’t be powerful if you’re adapting on some other personality. “Don’t be clever. Be authentic.” Cleverness evokes a sense of superficiality – which is not a powerful trait (3:59). Creating relationships without authenticity, operating on a scripted spiel and pitch wouldn’t win you followers or get you buyers – it will only create doubt and confusion. In opposite, you can gravitate towards a stranger who does not purposefully try to sell you something but is speaking authentically (5:08).

Suspend your own personal agenda. The most powerful people are the ones who are not pursuing a personal agenda but are instead helping and uplifting those around them. Powerful people don’t lead with personal agenda, and sometimes don’t even have one – choosing to reflect the agenda of the company/team they represent (9:20). And when they do, they don’t beat around the bush and just lay it on the table (15:27).

Control Yourself. Power is like energy – it cannot be created nor destroyed, but it can be transferred. Controlling people is an illusion, instead have the discipline to control yourself – your thoughts, emotions, words, and behavior. The thought that by controlling people, they are relinquishing their power to you is a misnomer – you can diminish other people’s power but it can never be taken away. Powerful people knows their power comes from themselves, not other people (16:05).

Be Present. You can’t be powerful if you’re not present. It’s hard to be powerful when you’re in your head thinking about what other people think about you. Sitting in self-pity, self-doubt, insecurity – will not make you powerful (18:45).

You own your results. Whatever circumstance you are in the present, own your results. Don’t blame it on time, money, the weather, or other people. Don’t give up too soon. Stay on something long enough to make it work (19:53).

Relevant Links:

Think & Grow Chick | Achievement tips for ambitious chicks

What 11 Highly Successful People Were Doing in Their 20s | Mic

Friday (1995 film) | IMDb

Power is perceived as this huge thing that outsiders see emanated by an individual, controlling others. The reality is it starts small, from within, and it entails a foundation based on truth, restraint, goodness, and accountability. These are what it takes to be powerful beyond belief.

I hope this episode allows you the true nature of power. If this is an area you are working on, I would like to hear your thoughts. Give me a shout-out on the comments section or email me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com if there’s anything you want to share or would want to work with me.

Subscribe to From Butterflies to Caterpillars on Patreon to get first dibs to episodes and other perks. You can also find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. I’d appreciate it if you can leave the podcast a rating and review on whatever platform you’re listening to so we can reach and help more people.

Thank you for tuning in and supporting! Until next time!

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FCTB024: The Value of Practicing Gratitude & Tools to Support You

It has been said that “It’s not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy”. I also found these definitions of gratitude and I wanted to share these with everyone.

Gratitude is our ability to see the grace of God, morning by morning, no matter what else greets us in the course of the day. – M. Craig Barnes

Gratitude a gracious acknowledgment of all that sustains us, a bow to our blessings, great and small. – Jack Kornfield

Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives.

Gratitude is one of those things that we forget about. Buried and suppressed underneath the routine, tasks, and challenges that come with daily life. Today I will be talking about why is it important to practice gratitude and how doing so can influence and affect us holistically.

To be able to discuss this lesson in mindfulness effectively, I shared:

  • A story of how the lack of gratitude, the presence of negative energy and focusing on burdens and complaints can manifest in different aspects of our life and opportunities (3:05).
  • How my dog Ivy is a great example of how the ebb and flow of feelings of burden and gratitude occur (5:45).
  • Scientific researches conducted illustrating how practicing gratitude affects individuals’ outlook, behavior, and most remarkably health – supporting longevity, diminishing stress, and decreasing risk of complications in the cardiovascular and nervous system (9:10).
  • What is the Losada Ratio a.k.a. Nagging Ratio, and how it is correlated with the success of a marriage or relationship (4:00).
  • How gratitude plays a role in achieving a healthier social life, enhancing energy levels and spirituality, creating better career opportunities, improving finances, and curbing materialism (15:19).
  • The things I am thankful for, my habits to be reminded of these (16:52), and other practices to remain thankful, express and nurture gratitude (21:24).

It is true that we don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone. We all sometimes feel burdened by a lot of things that are actually blessings. It is a matter of changing our outlook and appreciating what we have to realize this. I hope this episode will help you remain mindful and practice gratitude – especially the meditation portion!

Relevant Links:
The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz | Amazon
The Psychology of Gratitude by Dr. Michael McCullough and Dr. Robert Emmons
Counting Blessings Versus Burdens | by Dr. Michael McCullough and Dr. Robert Emmons
The Ideal Praise-to-Criticism Ratio
The Power of Positivity, In Moderation: The Losada Ratio

Is this an area you are struggling with and would like my help on? Or do you know someone who’ll benefit with this episode? Email me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com or comment below so we can catch-up and see how we can work together.

Subscribe to the podcast via Patreon to get first dibs to episodes and other exclusive content. You can also find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Remember to leave the podcast a rating and review on the platform you’re listening to so we can reach more people and move up the rankings.

Thank you for listening and supporting From Caterpillars to Butterflies. Until next time!