Coaching Through Your Blindspots

I got a car wash the other day. I’m not one of those people who keep their cars clean so it had been a while. Don’t judge me.  Every time I get in my car now and look in my side view mirrors the view is so crystal clear. I’m taken aback. Who’s car is this?! My vision hasn’t been this clear since I don’t know when. What’s interesting is that before I got my car washed I didn’t realize that my mirrors were dusty. I didn’t realize my vision wasn’t as optimal as it could be. The dingy side view mirrors became my norm. In a sense they were my blind spot. I didn’t know something was obstructing my vision. Now that my mirrors have been washed I realize how much better I can see. Being that I can see better I can now drive better and get to my destination better.

Sometimes this is how our lives are. We think we’ve got it together. We think we’re doing the right thing at the right time. We think we’re living up to our fullest potential, our grand vision. Yet, we don’t realize that the view is a little obstructed. Sometimes we need a washing so to speak. We need someone or something to show us just how dusty we really are. Sometimes we need help seeing clearer so that we can drive towards our visions more effectively. Sometimes we need help seeing the road that leads us to where we most want to be.

As a coach, I help people identify and maneuver around their blind spots. I help them get crystal clear on their vision. If you don’t know where you’re going any road will take you there. That is until you arrive to the destination and realize it’s not where you want to be.

If your vision is a little blurry, maybe the road you’re traveling is getting bumpy, I’d like to invite you to explore the possibilities of partnering with a life coach. To learn more about coaching and to schedule a complimentary clarity session visit the Coaching Page.


Lean In To The Longing

Woman longing for more

I used think the term “lean in” was over used. Yet, here I am using it, lol.

I have said this before, but I think it’s worth repeating, “Don’t let your vision become your burden.” Sometimes we want things SO badly. There is an INTENSE longing for that thing. And the vision of what we want our lives to be becomes a painful reminder of what we don’t yet have. Sometimes the vision depresses us. Sometimes we feel discouraged because of it. Sometimes it makes us cry. At times the gap between where we are and where we want to be leads us to believe we’re not good enough. For if we were good enough we would be there already.

That’s not true. There is nothing wrong with you. You are good enough and the longing for something more isn’t a curse. Your vision is not a burden. It’s a blessing.

If there were no longing for a better future you would do nothing in the present moment. You would stay where you are until the day you die. The longing you feel is your indication that it is time to make a shift in your life. The longing is powerful and persuasive and necessary. Here are 3 ways you can lean in to the longing and allow it to transform your life.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel

Don’t try to ignore the feeling that life can be different in some way. Don’t drown it out with the TV screen. Don’t go home and have a drink every night after work so you can “relax” and “get your mind off of things”. Don’t get high. All these things take you “away“. You need to be fully present to create your best life possible. Let yourself feel what you feel so it can drive you into action.

We’ve placed so much judgment on life and emotions. We have this attitude that says, “if I’m feeling dissatisfied in some capacity it’s a bad thing and I need to get rid of those ‘bad’ feelings right away.” The reluctance to embrace all of our emotions keeps us stuck and drives us away from the longing. It drives us away from what we really want. Don’t check out of your own life. Stay engaged.

Feel those feelings so that you can’t help but to accomplish your goals. You don’t have to wallow in self pity and despair. Don’t sit in those feelings forever, but at the same time don’t dismiss them. Don’t cover them up. Don’t judge yourself for having them. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Question why you’re feeling those feelings.  Acknowledge what needs to change and then take action.

Enjoy the journey

Making a major shift in your life can be a bit like going to college. You spend four, five, maybe even six years working towards the vision. The difference is that college is an exciting time. You are meeting new people. You might have moved to a new city you now get to explore. You are living on your own for the first time.

If you’re like me the journey to getting a college degree was an enjoyable one. I was at FAMU partying, going to football games, dating for the first time (and of course learning stuff). I was not sitting, waiting in despair or discouragement. I wasn’t thinking, “I don’t have a college degree yet and I’ve been here for 3.5 years. FML.” No, I enjoyed my life while I was pursuing my goal.

We have to learn how to enjoy all the journeys we find ourselves on. Don’t be so focused on where you’re going that you can’t enjoy where you are. Enjoy learning what you need to learn in order to create the life you truly want. Enjoy meeting new people. Enjoy growing and exposing yourself to new perspectives. Enjoy the journey.

Follow the longing

Let it guide you, not discourage you and not distract you. Don’t get distracted by what’s not happening. Stay focused.

Trust the longing. Trust that it is leading you somewhere you want to go. Trust that it is taking you where you ultimately need to go. Imagine that God Himself placed this longing inside of you because that longing is His intention for you in the world.

I think of it in terms of the caterpillar becoming a butterfly. Who tells the caterpillar it’s time to go into a cocoon? No one does. She feels the longing. She feels the desire to do something new and she obliges. She follows where the longing leads her even though she doesn’t know exactly where it’s taking her. She becomes a butterfly because she follows the intense desire inside of her. You too must follow your longing.

The next time you find yourself longing for something more remember these three ways to lean into that longing and watch your life transform.

Need support?

Apply for a complimentary clarity session with Charlene to help you lean in to your longing. Apply here.

 


21 Black Women Coaches to Help You Transform Your Life, Business, Family, and Spirituality

Life and Wellness

Valerie Burton

valorieburton.com

Valerie Burton is a life coach, speaker, and trainer committed to helping women be happier and more successful. Her focus centers around positive psychology. Valerie’s Christian principles are often interwoven in her coaching and teachings. Her demeanor is very sincere and inspirational.

Iyanla Vanzant

iyanla.com

Iyanla Vanzant is the holds nothing back, outspoken, intuitive life coach featured on OWN. I’m a huge fan of Iyanla and I’ve had the pleasure of learning from her and Oprah Winfrey in person two years ago at Oprah’s Live Your Best Life Tour. Iyanla is not afraid to tell it like it is and make you confront what you’d prefer to hide.

Kendra Kay Woods

kendrakaywoods.com

Kendra Kay Woods is the Mindset Boss. If your thinking is stinking you won’t make it very far in this life. Kendra helps women live the life they truly desire by overcoming their limiting beliefs. You’ll love Kendra. She has such a bubbly, approachable personality. She really believes in the work that she is doing. If you know you have self-defeating thoughts go to Kendra.

Charlene Dior with Regine Monestime

Charlene with Regine Monestime

Regine Monestime

Regine The Travel Queen

I love Regine. Her spirit is just so pure and sincere. And she’s beautiful. Regine takes phenomenal women on transformational retreats around the world so they can recharge, replenish, and connect with other women.

Aisha Moore

Self Care by Aisha

Aisha will take you from burnout to refreshed. Most women simply do not dedicate the time or energy to care for themselves. They’re too busy caring for everyone else. Aisha is the coach you go to when you’re ready to prioritize yourself for a change.

Dafina Lovelace

Embrace Change Yoga

Dafina is the yoga boss. She teaches work/life balance through the art of yoga. Dafina helps you use your body to change your mind through group coaching, speaking and corporate wellness training. Dafina is committed to living the life she chooses no matter what. I love this about her.

Kimberly Harden

Image Architect

Kimberely Harden is your image architect and as you would expect she has great style. She helps black women transform their lives from the inside out. When you feel good you look good. Kim works with a wide variety of budgets. She’ll style your body and your life.

charlene-dior-angie-gray-amber-berry

Charlene with  Angie Gray and Amber Berry

Amber Berry

Feel Good Finances

One of the biggest stressors in life is money. They say money is the #1 cause of divorce. I live below my means for this very reason. Stressing over money takes the joy out of life. But sometimes life happens and we get into a money mess. Amber is a finance and money coach that will help you feel good about your finances. She’ll help you overcome the shame and guilt that sometimes come with money troubles.

 

Business and Career

Charlene and Rosetta Thurman

Charlene and Rosetta Thurman

Rosetta Thurman

Happy Black Woman

Rosetta Thurman is the Happy Black Woman. She teaches women all over the world how to create a location independent business they love. Rosetta is super sharp and laser focused on her business and vision. She’ll help you claim your freedom, manifest your vision, and travel the world.

Renee Lamb

True Peace Coaching

Renee helps women entrepreneurs create a solid foundation for their online business. Renee holds nothing back. She tells you like it is from a place of love. If you ever find yourself in a conversation with Renee be prepared to hear, “boo boo kitty” at least once. Renee is the coach for you if you’re tired of sitting on your dreams and you need someone to light a fire under you. Renee is super committed and she’ll give you everything she can to make sure you succeed.

Monica Clark

The Perception Practice

Can I just say I love Monica? She is gorgeous inside and outside. Monica helps women feel empowered at work. I think the work that she does is amazing as someone who spent nearly a decade in corporate America. There’s a lot of focus on helping new business owners be successful, but there aren’t a lot of resources to help other professionals. I happen to believe that we need empowered, engaged people (including black women) in all industries. Monica also has a great new podcast, The Rush Hour Mentor. Check it out!

Rebecca Thompson

rebeccamthompson.com

Speaking of needing empowered, engaged black women across all industries Rebecca Thompson is the candidacy coach. She helps black women run for office, raise the necessary funds for a successful campaign, and overcome their limiting beliefs as it relates to running for office (you know – the “I’m too young” or “I don’t have enough experience” myths we believe about ourselves). Rebecca also has a fast growing podcast dedicated to black women in politics. Check it out here: Changing the Face of Power

Courtney Sanders

www.thinkandgrowchick.com

Courtney Sanders is the think and grow chick, a cute play on the book Think and Grow Rich. Women need to be vested in their personal and financial growth just as much as men do. Courtney leads the way in teaching women to think and grow rich.

Lisa Nichols

www.motivatingthemasses.com

Lisa Nichols, also known as The Secret lady, is a motivational speaker, coach and best selling author. Her website url is exactly on point. She motivates the masses to take charge of their life and rescue themselves. Her message is so on point considering the emotional tension following the presidential election. When you are committed to rescuing yourself it doesn’t matter who’s president.

Natasha Allrich

www.enrollfromthesoul.com

Natasha is the Souful Sales coach. Sometimes sales can feel manipulative and self serving. The mental and emotional energy that stirs up for a lot of people when they think of sales keeps them from making sales. Natasha helps business owners reprogram their beliefs around sales so they can enroll new clients authentically.

Dr. Venus Opal Reese

defyimpossible.com

I first became aware of Dr. Venus Opal Reese when I went searching for “black women millionaires”. I was just learning about Napolean Hill and Les Brown and I was starting in real estate investing. I wanted to find other black women committed to building wealth and that led me to Dr. Venus. Interestingly, Dr. Venus led me to Rosetta Thurman who led me to a lot of the other black women coaches on this list. Dr. Venus helps black women heal their generational wounds so they can attact and earn the money they desire. She is super genuine, authentic and full of personality.

Family and Relationship

Chavonne Sampson

Blended Family Bliss

Ain’t no baby momma drama over here. Chavonne helps blended families live in peace and harmony. Considering that nearly half of marriages end in divorce blending families is a necessity. I saw a meme that said something to the effect that if you are older than 27 and not married be prepared to be a step parent. Welp, that’s me!  But I’m not worried. I know who I’ll be calling.

Dr. Kimberly Dunlap

www.kimberlydunlap.com 

Dr. Kimberly Dunlap (or should I say Dr. Love) helps successful women find success in love. If you’re tired of achieving success in virtually every area of life except one of the most intimate, special areas of life you can do something about it. Kim can help you do it.

Spirituality

 Angie Gray

www.blessedblackwoman.com

I love Angie! Every time I’m feeling discouraged Angie always has a Word for me. Even when I don’t say anything about what I’m feeling Angie happens to just touch on the very subject. If you want to claim your rightful inheritance as a Blessed Black Woman, First Lady Angie is your coach. (Yes, she really is a First Lady).

Kim Davis

Kim Davis For the One

Kim helps women walk in their God given purpose. Kim will guide you to a deeper relationship with God. She will support you as you establish your personal spiritual practice to stay connected to God. Her business and ministry is for the One. Kim is also super adorable with a big heart.

And last but not least!

Charlene Dior

Charlene Dior

www.fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com

I’m a personal growth and transformation coach. I believe that we can truly create the life we want if we are willing to grow. I help women grow. I help them overcome the feelings of unworthiness and the self-sabotage. I guide them as they rediscover their true, authentic, and powerful selves so that they can find fulfillment and meaning. It is time for us as black women to finally go after what we want out of life. It is time for us to stop suppressing and denying our hearts desires because we feel undeserving. It is time for us to stop putting our needs last. It is time for us to take a stand and say, “Yes, I want that. Yes, I deserve it. And no, I will not settle for less.”

Check out my brand new personal growth podcast!

Additional Resources:

Frequently Asked Questions About Investing in A Life Coach

7 Powerful Stories of How Life Coaching Changes Lives

19 Life Changing Lessons From Amazing Life Coaches

26 Things Your Life Coach Would Tell You (if you had one)

One-On-One Life Coaching With Charlene

Video: Coaching – Take Your Life From Good to Great


You Can’t Be Suspicious of Success and Achieve Success

dont-be-suspicious-of-success

Several years ago a famous entertainer lost a lot of weight on a weight loss program. Don’t quote me but I believe she went from a size 20 to a size 2. At the time, a lot of people were saying she didn’t lose it naturally. Her own effort didn’t lead to her successful weight loss. Transforming her eating and exercise habits wasn’t the thing that did it. No, she must have taken the easy way out. I constantly heard things like:

“She must have had surgery.”

“She had lipo.”

“Her stomach was stapled.”

People were suspicious of her weight loss journey. They didn’t believe she was able to transform her body with diet and exercise. Here’s the thing: if you don’t think it’s possible to lose a ton of weight with diet and exercise guess what you’re never going to do? You’re never going to lose weight with diet and exercise. You won’t even try. If you do try you will quit at the first sign of (temporary) defeat.

You will say to yourself, “You see? I knew it wasn’t possible.”

You can’t do what you don’t believe is possible. You have to believe in success. Whether it’s weight loss success, career success, marriage success, etc.

Believe in something.

I know a lot of people are faking it until they make it. That may be why we as a society are so hesitant to trust and believe. Yet the resistance is costing us our own success. We are preventing our own transformation.

I’m not saying to trust and believe in everyone’s journey.  I am saying to find someone you can believe. Find someone you can model your own transformation after. Find a success story you can trust and believe in so that it can fuel your own success.

You can’t be suspicious of success and expect to achieve your own level of success. You can’t be suspicious of wealth and expect to generate wealth for yourself. You can’t be suspicious of weight loss and expect to lose weight.

Are your suspicions of other people’s success holding you back? Are you using those suspicions to let yourself off the hook? Are you giving yourself permission to not even try because it’s not possible anyway?

I challenge you to let yourself believe in someone else’s success story. Let it fuel you and inspire you. When you find yourself doubting someone else’s success story take a step back and accept the possibility that it could be true. And if it is true for them it can also be true for you.

If you no longer want your success suspicions to hold you back I can help. As I coach I help people just like you let go of what’s holding them back so that they can create the life of their dreams. If this is you, I invite you to apply for a complimentary strategy session with me at www.transformwithcharlene.com.


Frequently Asked Questions About Investing In A Life Coach

you can do anything

Do I need a life coach?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Coaches help you get from where you are to where you want to be. It sounds cliche but it’s true. It’s not uncommon to receive support and guidance from another person. People generally work with life coaches specifically because:

  • They feel unfulfilled and want more out of life – Do you ever think to yourself, “I feel unfulfilled”? Working with a coach could help you identify exactly what’s missing, why it’s missing, and how to get it.
  • They feel out of balance – With all the roles people play with competing goals it’s easy to get out of balance. Working with a coach can help you create a balance in your life based on your priorities, values and goals. Your coach can also hold you accountable to your new balance structure.
  • They don’t know who they are – This person asks themselves, “Who am I?” They have lost sense of who they are and what they want. They have a hard time finding their place in the world. They don’t “fit in” with their current surroundings. Or they lack congruence in what they say, believe, and do. They may have gone through a major transition such as a marriage, divorce, empty nester, etc. They may have been subject to a bully at home or at work which has left them insecure and lost. Most people never take the time to really dig deep into who they are. It shows in the life they live and the things they settle for.
  • They have a major decision that troubles them – This was me. I was in a relationship that didn’t feel right. On the surface I couldn’t tell if it was me bringing baggage from a previous relationship into that relationship or if it was him. Talking with my coach helped me sort out my thoughts, my feelings, and my needs. I was able to think clearly about what I was experiencing and decide if that was the right relationship for me. A lot of times we harbor so much responsibility for things that we shouldn’t. We think that it must be us so we’re reluctant to make the decisions that we need to make in order to create our own happiness. (BTW – it was him 😉 )
  • They have big goals – One of the biggest benefits of having a coach (whether it’s business, life, health, etc.) is the accountability factor. Generally, when you make a commitment to another person you keep it. When you make a commitment to yourself a lot of times you don’t keep it. Let’s just be honest. When you know you have to report to someone else you’re likelihood of following through increases. In fact, research shows that your likelihood of accomplishing a goal increases to 95% when you have a scheduled appointment with your accountability partner or coach. How would you like to accomplish 95% of your goals?

What is a life coach?

A life coach is a professional who works with you to accomplish certain goals in your life and overcome challenges standing in your way. They are trained with a variety of tools and techniques to help their clients create their desired results for their life. Coaches may have a certain specialty such as relationship coaching or parenting coaching.

Why is working with a life coach valuable?

A lot of people are living unfulfilling lives that lack purpose. They have been in this cycle of “nothingness” for years. I talk to women all the time who say they have felt unfulfilled for years. Why is that? Working with a coach can help you break the negative cycles in your life. Whether that be the cycle of living an unfulfilling, uninspiring life year after year despite making a resolution to change every January or the cycle of constantly sabotaging your dreams and your relationships. A coach can help you get out of your own way and finally move forward.

Coaches provide outside perspective. They call you out when you need to be called out. They stretch you. They help you to get out of your head or out of your emotions so that you can make the best decision for you, your family, and your future. A good coach holds the vision you have for your life for you. She will hold you to your values when you are relaxing them. A coach is on your side. No, scratch that. A coach is on the side of your vision, your values, and your authentic self. She stands for those things even when you’re not.

What’s the difference between therapy and life coaching?

Therapy generally focuses on the past. Life coaching focuses on the future. Therapy asks, “How did you get here?” Life coaching ask, “Where are you going?” Therapy focuses a great deal on emotionally healing. Life coaching focuses on mastering your mindset. Therapy often serves as a release of thoughts and feeling related to an experience(s). Coaching focuses on the solution or best next step as it relates to the experience.  Both will help you improve your life.

How does life coaching work?

Depending on the coach your first interaction with them may be a clarity or strategy session. The main purpose of this session is to help understand what the potential client’s situation is so that the coach can ascertain if they can help them. There’s no reason to take someone’s investment if you can’t actually help them. During this call, the potential client will also be able to decide if they want to partner with that particular coach on their goals.

Once there is a mutual decision to move forward you will likely receive a welcome packet with an agreement spelling out the terms of your relationship, an initial client intake form, an onboarding questionnaire to define your goals and objectives, and details on how to schedule your first session. The first session is generally the longest and can last up to 2 – 3 hours. This is where the coach will review your welcome packet materials with you, dive deeper into what you most want to accomplish during your time together, and map out how you will work together to accomplish your goals and what to expect in general.

After your first session you will meet with your coach with regularity. This may be weekly or biweekly. The sessions may last 30 minutes to an hour. Most likely you will meet via phone, but you could also meet in person with your coach. Each session will be geared towards helping you achieve your goal. Depending on the coaching program your coach may set the general theme for each session. Other times you may set the theme for the session. For example, in my Rediscover You 12 week private intensive I take women through a journey to getting back to their authentic self. In my Transform Your Life 12 week private intensive the client sets the agenda (with my support) based on the transformation they’d like to see.

Your coach will likely have assignments and exercises for you to complete in between sessions. This may be to help you overcome a mental block you are experiencing. It may be to help you identify what’s the right balance to seek in your life (see the Life Balance Wheel). It may be to help you get super clear on what you really want.  Your coach may also send you additional resources as they see fit.

Meeting with your coach regularly helps to ensure you are making progress.

How many sessions do I need to see results?

It depends on your particular situation. I generally recommend working with your coach for at least three months to see the most transformation. It’s similar to your health. You wouldn’t work out one day and expect to lose weight. However, I do offer packages with as little as three sessions.

Do I really need a life coach?

Yes! Some of the most successful people in the world have a coach. Top coaches earn a million dollars per client. Yes, some people believe in the power of coaching so much they are willing to invest a million dollars.

Luckily, the investment to partner with me on the change you want to create in your life is not a million dollars (yet). To apply for a complimentary Rediscover You clarity session with me go to www.transformwithcharlene.com.

Additional Resources:

7 Powerful Stories of How Life Coaching Changes Lives

19 Life Changing Lessons From Amazing Life Coaches

26 Things Your Life Coach Would Tell You (if you had one)

One-On-One Life Coaching With Charlene

Video: Coaching – Take Your Life From Good to Great

 


Not Giving Up on Someone Else is Giving Up on Yourself

dont-give-up-on-yourselfI sat next to an amazing woman earlier today and listened to her tell her story. She’s been in love with an alcoholic boyfriend for 12 years. As tears rolled down her face she said, “I just don’t want to give up on him.”

I couldn’t help but to feel for her. Did she not know that by not wanting to give up on him she was giving up on herself?

She is giving up on her dreams of having a healthy, fulfilling partnership with an awesome man. She is giving up on the peace and security that comes from being in a relationship where her and her partner are aligned. She is giving up on being equally yoked.

Instead she was breaking her own heart in the spirit of not giving up on a man.

I can absolutely relate.

Believing that excusing someone who doesn’t belong in your life is giving up on them is a mindset issue. We tend to believe that ending things is the same as saying, “you’re not good enough.”

And we would never want anyone to believe that they aren’t good enough. They have amazing qualities. We’ve likely shared many wonderful times together. We love them. That’s just not the message that we want to leave them with.

On the other end we tell ourselves that everyone else in their life has already given up on them. Everyone else has already told them that they’re not good enough.

“I’m all he has,” we say.

All the while we’re giving up on our own dreams. We’re forgoing the things that we deserve.

Ending a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs is not giving up on a person. You give up on trying to figure out that darn rubric’s cube. You don’t give up on people. You just acknowledge that they are not the right fit for you. You acknowledge that you can’t change them.

And that’s okay.

What’s not okay is giving up on your own heart’s desire. It’s not okay to desire an earth shattering relationship with a healthy, sober man but go home in tears every night to a man who is not those things.

I encourage you to reshape your thoughts around what it means to end a relationship. It could be platonic, career or romantic. The only meaning there is, is “this relationship doesn’t meet my needs so it’s not the right fit.”

There is no meaning to be derived about who the other person is or isn’t.

There is no meaning to be derived about who you are or are not.

The only meaning there is, is the one that says “my needs and desires aren’t fulfilled so I have to part ways with this relationship.”

You are just as important and  valuable as everyone else in your life. Your needs and dreams are just as worthy as anyone else’s. If you’re going to exercise a spirit of tenacity and stickability let it be towards yourself. Let it be towards your dreams and your vision for life.

Not wanting to give up on someone else is causing you to give up on yourself.

Don’t give up on yourself.

If you feel like you have been giving up on yourself and you’re ready to start supporting yourself I invite you to apply for a complimentary REDISCOVER YOU clarity session with me. Learn what it means to discover and support yourself. Find the courage to put you first. Simply apply at www.transformwithcharlene.com.

 


Who’s Life Are You Living?

Who’s life are you living?

I’m a twin. When you’re a twin people expect you to be just like your sibling. Growing up people would say,” Why are you doing what’s she’s doing?” or “What aren’t you going to the school she’s going to?”

It can be difficult to be true to your authentic self. You’re always compared and stacked against each other.

I’ve heard people say that they took on a certain role because it wasn’t already taken. They’ll say, “My sister was the pretty one. My brother was the athletic one. So I had to be the smart one.”

That’s no way to define yourself. You don’t look outside yourself to decide who you’ll be. You have to look inside yourself. But people adopt these roles by looking around them to their siblings, cousins, and friends. They carry those ill-defined roles and labels around with them for years or decades.

That’s not being who you are. That’s more like being who you think you have to be to be acknowledged and valued.

Who you are comes from inside yourself.

Sometimes other people have expectations on us. They expect us to do things that meet their needs. When someone is expecting certain things out of you it is because it fulfills THEIR vision. If you’re fulfilling someone else’s vision who’s fulfilling your vision? We have to be careful when we’re living up to someone else’s expectations because it takes us away from our own vision. Maybe you forgot that you could have a vision. Maybe you forgot that you could have a dream.

Being compared to someone, living up to someone else’s expectations, responding to the feedback you receive from others is what pulls you away from you’re authentic self. You try to protect yourself. You try to fit in. You try to feel good enough.

You are good enough. You just have to take the journey back to who you really are. The real you is POWERFUL.

If you’ve lost sense of who you are and you’re ready to rediscover your true self I invite you to apply for a complimentary REDISCOVER YOU clarity call. Visit www.transformwithcharlene.com.

 


Be Your True, Authentic Self

My personal motto is “Be Really You”. Not just a little bit of you. Not just a little of the time. Be 100% of you, 100% of the time.

I believe that life conditions us at a young age to suppress who we really are so much so that when we are adults we don’t know who we are.

I remember a time in high school, my classmates and I went to breakfast for Senior Ditch Day. (We were lame seniors…lol). Everyone was laughing and talking and socializing. I’ll never forget it. One of my classmates said to me, “You laugh loudly,” and I felt myself shrink.

Did I laugh too loudly? Did I miss the memo on what an appropriate laugh is?

That’s how it happens. That’s how we lose ourselves. We get feedback from other people. We get feedback from life and events. This feedback tells us that we’re different. So we spend our lives trying to fit an imaginary mold of who we think we should be. We try to fit the mold of what is acceptable and right.

<<There is no mold. We get to design our own lives.>>

Then we get older and get married. We have kids. Now there is another set of layers we pile on. We have new roles to play. The real us sinks deeper.

Eight years ago I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know that I didn’t know. It showed up in my life. It showed up in the way I presented myself. It showed up in the experiences and people I allowed into my life.

I welcomed people and experiences into my life that did not belong. Yet, I had no idea that they didn’t belong because I didn’t know what belonged. I didn’t know who belonged. I didn’t know me.

I let people, a man, stay in my life was wayyy too long. I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin.

I felt ashamed of the life I was living. I was embarrassed by the things I accepted, the things I settled for.

The life I live today is so much different than the life I lived eight years ago. The people and experiences in my life all belong here. I know that for a fact, because now I know me.

I feel comfortable in my own skin again. I feel fulfilled and life has meaning. My cup runs over.

That’s why I’m so excited to announce my brand new Rediscover You 90 Day private intensive coaching program.

If you realize that you’ve lost touch with who you are. Maybe you feel like you’ve never known who you are I invite you to apply for a complimentary Rediscover You clarity call to discuss if my private intensive is the right program for you. Apply at www.transformwithcharlene.com.

Joseph Campbell has a quote that I love. He says, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

I thought about that quote. Why is it a privilege to be who you are?

I decided it’s a privilege because everybody won’t do it. Everyone will not take the journey back to their true, authentic, powerful self. Everyone won’t have the courage. Everyone won’t have the support or the guidance.

Some people will never be their true selves. Some people will never live my motto, “Be Really You.”

But you can.

Simply apply at www.transformwithcharlene.com to get the conversation started. I’m only looking for 10 women so even if you think you might be interested now is the time to act.

~ Charlene


Stop Valuing Money Over Your Dreams

I work with women who want more out of life. Somehow they got lost in the shuffle of life. They’ve lost sense of who they are. Or they have high hopes for life and are ready to finally go for it. I had an exploratory call with a woman recently. She has really ambitious goals for her life. She was having a hard time getting focused and being productive. We discussed potentially working together. She needed some time to think about it. We scheduled a time to check back in and move forward if that was her decision. At 12 am in the morning the day we were scheduled to touch base she sends me an email. She says that she and her husband are going to sit down and create a strategy for achieving her goals.

That’s a great concept. I totally get it. I “try” to do things on my own at first some times as well. But who am I kidding? If I couldn’t do it on my own this far what makes me think I will magically be able to do it on my own?

Her and her husband are probably not going to sit down to do anything!

I don’t say that to insult her. I’m not trying to call her out. I honor her. I respect her and I believe we would work well together. That’s why I shared with her my program. It was a win-win. I don’t offer my services to everyone I meet. I believe in her vision.

I know from experience, thinking that we are going to magically be able to accomplish something on our own that has eluded us this far is one of the ways we sabotage ourselves. We are going around in circles, pretending like we’re making progress. It’s a way we give ourselves permission to play it safe. We give ourselves permission to procastinate.

If you have goals and procrastination, you have nothing. If you have goals and you take action, you will have anything you want.” – Thomas J. Vilord

What it boils down to is that we value money more than we value transformation. Money is tangible. I can see it, touch it, feel it and count it. How do I count my transformation?

Holding on to our money is a false sense of security. Your real security is in your ability to consistently grow.

Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning. – Benjamin Franklin

We think that our money is like our virginity. We think once it’s gone it never comes back. But that’s not true! It always comes back.

A few years ago I purchased a rental house that went way over budget. I emptied my savings account. I maxed out my credit cards. I took money out of my 401(k). This house went way over budget and you know what? I survived.  I wasn’t eating Ramen Noodles. My financial needs continued to be met. Life went on. Now I have an additional property added to my portfolio with positive monthly cash flow and equity. If I was too afraid of losing my money I wouldn’t have that.

What I learned from that experience is that money always comes back. It’s the cycle of life.

You spend money.

You earn money.

You give money.

You receive money.

It always comes back. I have accepted that I have to let the money go when it wants to go so that it can come when I want it to come.

It’s worth it to me to invest my money for the opportunity to change my life and my wealth. Is it worth it to you?

I believe that when you are climbing the mountain that is your highest vision and you reach the top you will see bigger, better, more magical, more fulfilling mountains you can also climb. However, if you never start the journey up the first mountain you will never see the others. As long as you stay at the foot of the mountain you can’t see all that is available to you. When you pass up on one opportunity to change your life you are inevitably passing up every other opportunity that would have been revealed to you in due time.

“Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.” – Robert Frost

Way leads on to way. Dream leads on to dream. Vision leads on to vision. Progress leads on to more progress.

Standing still does not lead on to way. Circling the mountain does not lead on to way. Thinking and planning without acting does not lead on to progress or dreams or visions.

No. Way leads on to way.

If something has the opportunity to change your life you should go for it NOW. A lot of times we fear losing our money more than we fear losing our dreams. So we keep our money and lose our dreams. We kid ourselves into thinking that we will accomplish our goals on our own. Yet, we rarely do. So we lose our dreams forever at worst. Or we delay them two, ten, twenty years at best.

Your money will come back to you. It’s just the cycle of life. Will your dreams come back to you?

Hold onto dreams for if dreams die life is like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.” – Langston Hughes

Give yourself a chance for once. Stop giving your bank account a chance to look good. Give yourself a chance to look and feel good. Give yourself a chance to be who you’ve always wanted to be and to live the life you’ve always wanted to live.

Value the transformation more than you value the money. Have more faith in your vision than in your money. That’s how you change your life. That’s how way leads on to way.

If you’re ready to start the journey towards your own personal transformation, I invite you to apply for a complimentary, private clarity call with me. Apply at www.transformwithcharlene.com.

 

 


The Other Reason You Don’t Know Who You Are

Be Really YouI’ve talked a bit about how we lose sense of who we are. There was a time I didn’t know who I was. In my previous posts I’ve explained how we suppress our true selves over time,  bit by bit. We do this because someone called us out. Made us feel different. Inadequate. Unworthy. Weird. So we suppressed those qualities about ourselves in an attempt to fit an imaginary mold we think we have to fit in order to be accepted and loved. Until one day we look up and realize that our life is a mess. We’re unhappy and unfulfilled even though we filled the mold as best we could.

One day we realize there is no mold. So we have to start the journey back to who we really are. If we’re lucky that is.

We realize we lost the knowledge of who we really are because we suppressed it. That’s one reason you may not know who you are.

The other reason you may not know who you are is because someone in your life doesn’t want you to know who you are.

I had a bully boyfriend. It took my years after that relationship ended to realize he was a bully. He would bully me often. He would say things to me to make me feel inadequate.

“You act like you’re in love with that dog,” he’d tell me. Yes I love my dog. I bought her for a reason. Why was he trying to make me feel a certain way about playing with her and spending time with her?

This man was jealous of the dog! He was jealous of the affection I had for her so something had to be wrong with me.

Sometimes people don’t want you to know who you are because it means that they have to address the truth of who they are.

Sometimes people don’t want you to know who you are because it means they have to change. They have to be better. They have to treat you better. They have to step up their game.

Sometimes people don’t want you to know who you are because it means they will have to leave. Some people will not be able to stay in your life once you accept who you are and what you deserve.

When I didn’t know who I was I put up with a lot of crap. I questioned my decisions. I questioned my relationship with my dog. In the back of my head I knew there wasn’t anything wrong with me. But the doubt crept in. As long as I was in doubt I was his. I was where he wanted me to be.

There might be someone in your life, a lover, a parent, or maybe a boss who doesn’t want you to know who you are. They want to continue to manipulate you. They want to continue to take advantage of you. Someone in your life wants to continue to use you. They want to use you for your benefits, your money, your connections. They want to use you for your kindness.

Someone in your life does not want you to come to realization that this isn’t who you are. This lifestyle isn’t who you are. This relationship isn’t who you are. It’s not what you value. It’s not what you believe in. It’s not what you deserve.

They don’t ever want you to know the truth of who you are because they will have to change or leave. Believe me when I say they don’t want to do either. Someone wants things to stay just the way they are because it’s easier on them. It’s more advantageous. They get the fruit without ever having to plant a single seed.

Someone doesn’t want you to know who you are because they can control you. They get to have their way with you. You cannot control the woman who knows who she is. You cannot control the person that knows what deserve. You cannot control a woman who stands in her power. It’s impossible to do.

Is there someone in your life who doesn’t want you to know who you are? They manipulate you. They insult you. They give you a hard time about your beliefs, goals, or desires. Maybe they try to keep you away from certain people. People who would remind you of who you are.

When someone is telling you things about yourself that don’t feel right pay attention to that. Hold fast to your truth. I’ve had people lie to me about me. Like, um, I was there! I go with me everywhere. What are you talking about?

Yet, it happens. People fall for it. Or they get tired of defending themselves so they relent. If you’re not careful you’ll start to think you’re crazy.

Pay attention to someone trying to manipulate you and how you feel. Take note of someone putting you down, insulting you because of your interests and your choices (like being interested in playing with your dog).

Don’t allow someone else’s self serving agenda keep you lost and unsure of who you are.

If you’ve lost sense of yourself, if you’ve been manipulated, bullied or coerced to suppress the real you it’s time to rediscover you. It is time to get back to the real you so that you can enjoy the life that you deserve. Start the journey back to you by applying for a complimentary Rediscover You clarity call at www.transformwithcharlene.com today!