Why Is It So Hard to Transform Your Life?

by Charlene Dior · Published October 4, 2015 · Updated November 11, 2017

We all struggle with accomplishing our goals. Not just any goal. We struggle to accomplish the goals we really, really want. Whether that is losing weight, finding a better job, or learning to overcome a debilitating fear. These are important, admirable goals that can really transform our lives if accomplished. So what holds us back?

Our minds. Yes, your mind holds you back from living your dream life.

“But how can that be? My mind envisioned the dream to begin with?”

You’re probably thinking that. Well, your mind consists of two main parts and sometimes they go at it like Cain and Abel. The conscious mind is where we plan, make goals, and envision a better life. Your subconscious mind is where a lot of deep rooted habits, beliefs, and motives reside. You see, your conscious mind says, “I want to lose weight and be healthy.” Your subconscious mind is so used to doing what it’s always done, eating the foods it’s always eaten, doing the level of physical activity it’s always done so you tend to revert back to those old habits. To add an additional layer, most of the time we have no idea what’s really programmed in our subconscious. That’s why I said deep rooted.

“If my conscious mind and my subconscious are at odds why does my subconscious mind always seem to win?”

Great question. Your two minds aren’t evenly distributed 50/50. One takes up a greater portion of your total mind power. Can you guess which one? Yep, your subconscious mind has a greater influence on the actions you take everyday to the tune of 88%. Yes, your subconscious mind makes up 88% of your total mind power leaving just 12% to your conscious mind. You can imagine how this would be problematic right? Every time you want to accomplish something new your subconscious has the potential to be a huge obstacle preventing you from moving forward.

The subconscious mind is really a helper. It’s not this evil thing we have to get rid of. I liken it to tying your shoes. When you first learned how to tie your shoes you completed this activity from your conscious mind. You were 100% present and thoughtful while tying the shoelaces. You probably even took great effort to tie the perfect bow repeating this step many times before moving forward. Today, tying your shoes is likely a subconscious function. It happens so automatically you probably don’t even remember doing it. To that end, your subconscious mind helps you. Do you really need to be in deep, concentrated thought to tie your shoes?

And that is how it happens. Your conscious mind is purposeful, intentional, present and focused. It learns and masters a belief or behavior and then the subconscious mind takes over (if we let it). The role of the subconscious is to automate the process, the belief, or the behavior. Your subconscious doesn’t think critically. It just does. It doesn’t understand good vs. bad. It takes whatever patterns or recurrences it is notices and automates them. If you tell yourself you are incapable of living your dream life over and over again your subconscious will take that belief and automate it. If you come home everyday and plop on the couch with your favorite chips your subconscious mind will automate that behavior as well.

A lot of the beliefs and patterns that are programmed into our subconscious were programmed years or even decades ago. Perhaps, somebody said something negative about you, maybe even multiple times as you were growing up and you started to believe them. Or maybe every time you tried out for the cheerleading squad or dance team you were never selected. So then you started to tell yourself you didn’t have what it took. Maybe you decided it was pointless to aspire to do anything or to be anybody. The truth is these things happen to everybody. Every single person you know has been told something about themselves that wasn’t true. We’ve all been put down, discouraged, and hurt. Everybody has been rejected from something at some point.

“If that’s the case and everybody experiences it, why do some people get stuck while others still achieve their dreams?”

Your subconscious can and likely does have positive beliefs as well. If every time someone said something discouraging and insulting to you another person came behind them and told you you can do whatever you put your mind to, you probably would have different beliefs about yourself programmed in your subconscious. Likewise, if you didn’t make the cheerleading squad and a loving person sat down with you to explain to you everyone experiences rejection and that some of the most successful people were rejected many times over before experiencing success you’d have different beliefs instilled in you. Some of us grow up in these types of environments or have since experienced these types of relationships. Remember, a lot of what is programmed in your subconscious, particularly your belief system and self talk habits was programmed decades ago when you were a kid. Children don’t yet understand how the world works and they don’t know how to filter their experiences before reaching conclusions about who they are and what they can do based on those experiences.

The second reason so many people are able to accomplish their dreams despite their subconscious minds is that they understand the role of the subconscious. They know it has the potential to hold them back even though they have strong desires to move forward. They’ve also done the work to reprogram their subconscious to automate beliefs, habits, and behaviors that align with their aspirations. Oftentimes, where they fall short they have sought out outside coaching and support. An accountability partner or coach can help you get to where you want to go. Why? Because they force your behaviors and beliefs to rise to the level of your conscious mind. If someone is telling you come on, let’s go work out your physical activity is now a conscious thought.

Lastly, some people kick butt with their dreams because they have the willpower. Willpower means to restrain one’s own impulses. Notice that the impulses or subconscious behaviors are still there. The difference is that these people have reached a point where they’ve said “Enough is enough. This has got to change.” They have the willpower to accomplish their dreams despite their natural inclinations to do otherwise. Having an accountability partner or coach or even hypnosis and meditation can help bridge the gap when your willpower isn’t strong enough (yet).

Final Thoughts

Transforming your life and accomplishing your dreams isn’t something that is only available to a selected few. We all have it in us to create the lives we want. In fact, I think we are meant to find our true selves and create our best life. The fact that we have beliefs, habits and behaviors that are in opposition to our goals isn’t insurmountable. We can and should transform our subconscious mind in order to discover our truest self, achieve our dreams and live our best life.

Want to learn more about how your subconscious may be holding you back and how to move forward. Schedule a complimentary Transform Your Life Clarity Call with Charlene.