FCTB030: How To Know If You’re Settling

It’s been a month since the last episode, and I’m back from a month-long hiatus. I was able to accomplish so much and have my much-needed rest, and I am excited to share with you this episode’s topic.

There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. – Nelson Mandela

We sometimes find ourselves thinking we might be settling into our lives. Settling has been defined as the act of giving up, and no one knows it better if we are settling or have given up in our lives than ourselves. There will always be a sense of dissatisfaction in one way or another that we might construe as settling, and that is what I want to define clearly here.

We learn the enumerated guidelines on how to discern if we are merely settling and some examples to paint a more vivid picture of what settling looks like specifically in relationships:

#1 Understand your needs. As with any problem in human history, the first step involves understanding what led to it. Understand your needs, articulate them so you can communicate your needs to other people, and discern when these needs aren’t met. Go back to your Life Balance Wheel to understand your needs effectively (1:49).

#2 Check if you’re in a situation that is good enough. Sometimes you get too complacent with your current situation and think it is good enough, that you don’t even know if great is possible. If you’re in such circumstance that you are no longer striving for something better, you could be settling (8:58).

#3 Are you starting to make excuses? Following point #1, you will have your needs defined, but you find yourself making excuses for yourself or for other people because you or they are not meeting the needs you have set is a symptom of settling. Even seemingly trivial matters can be the manifestation of an unarticulated and unmet core need (10:01).

#4 There are ideas and dreams that you are not pursuing. There will be ideas, visions, dreams, goals, and things that you want in your life and are constantly bugging you. If you are merely sitting on the idea, because you do not have the skills needed to accomplish or are scared, and not stretching yourself towards it, odds are you’re settling (13:05).

#5 Not giving your best. This can be a manifested by the previous symptoms of settling I’ve provided like making excuses and just sitting in your ideas. If you’re just doing the bare minimum to stay afloat knowing that there’s so much more you can invest, do, and contribute, it is a sure sign of settling (14:35).

#6 If you’ve given up. If you’d rather have something else than what you have, but you’re not doing steps to acquire that something else, then you’re settling (16:57).

Relevant Links:

How To Be Content Where You Are | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Creating Balance and Setting Boundaries | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Transformation Zone: Life Balance Wheel| From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Life isn’t in black and white, and sometimes, we confuse compromise or straight-up tripping as settling. I hope this short guide helps you recognize when it happens. I have always promoted growth, transformation and creating a life you love – and settling is the complete opposite of that, so I want to make sure you can distinguish it.

Don’t give up on your dreams. Never settle.

If you find that this episode reignited a flame inside you and reminded or kept you from settling, I’ll greatly appreciate if you can share it to your circle so it can do the same for them too. If you want to share your experience of thoughts on this episode, give me a shout out at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com or in the comments section below.

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