I Went To A Marriage Conference & I’m Single

Real single. Not only do I not have a husband, I’m not engaged, dating or even remotely interested in anyone. I did go on a date a few weeks ago but he is not the one.

I went to the conference alone with nothing but a prayer and a mustard seed of faith. I have to admit I felt a bit silly and out of place at times. There were other singles there but overwhelmingly it was a couples fest.

So why did I go to a marriage conference even though I’m not married? Because I want to be one day.

Sometimes we have the attitude that we are going to get ready AFTER what we want is manifested. But a lot of times you have to get ready BEFORE the manifestation or else there will be none.

People say they will invest in their business when they have customers. Um, that’s backwards. Or they will act like a leader when they are in a leadership position. You’ll have confidence when someone believes in you. That’s not how it works. You get ready first. You act like a leader first. You build up your confidence first.

Is it possible that I will never get married? Sure.

I think that’s why people don’t act in advance. It has the potential to be a waste of time or money. We tend to want assurances before we get in too deep. But we don’t get assurances. We give assurances. We let life and everyone around us know what we’re about. When you give assurances that you want what you say you want I believe God is more likely to bring you the right people and opportunities.

If you’re not ready for what you want you will squander it. You won’t take care of it. You won’t do what you need to do to keep it. You’ll get lazy and apathetic. When you get ready first you equip yourself to handle what you are believing for.

And it’s act of faith. If I thought there was zero chances of me getting married I wouldn’t have wasted my time or money going to the conference. I show my faith by investing in a marriage that is no where in sight. It’s easy to invest in the marriage you have. Investing in a marriage that doesn’t exist when you are all the way single is faith.

Prepare for what you want in your future now. Not only will it help you attract and keep what you want today’s preparation will also help you recognize what you want when it comes. I’m building and growing myself as a wife now. My commitment to have a successful marriage means the man I marry has to be of a certain character and mindset. I can’t have a successful marriage by myself. My husband plays a critical role in that. I’m learning not just how to be a wife, I’m learning what a good, Godly husband is. So when I meet a potential suitor I’ll be able to ascertain whether he has potential to be “the one”.

Life moves when we move. Whether it’s a marriage, a business, a promotion or any other thing you want the first move is yours. Act like you want what you say you want. Invest in the thing that is no where near coming to fruition. Get ready now.  If you can’t invest in what you want before you have it you might not ever have it.


How to Stay Ready

Yesterday I attended the Stay Ready Conference hosted by Eric Thomas & Associates. Attending personal growth conferences is one of my favorite things to do. And so many come through Houston which is a blessing! Similar to other conferences I’ve attended here are some of my key takeaways:

Be Who You Are

Willie Moore, Jr. graced the stage to tell us to be who we are which is a message I often spread as well. Willie says that you can’t be blessed while you’re pretending. If you pretend like you have it all together no one is going to reach out to help you. They think you don’t need any help. There’s opportunity that comes with being vulnerable so be who you are.

“I declare right now that you will win on purpose.” – Willie Moore, Jr.

Your Lineage is Counting on You

“If I don’t do what I’m supposed to do my lineage won’t be able to do what they’re destined to do.” – Inky Johnson

Inky Johnson said that our lineage is counting on us.  This thing is bigger than us. Other people down the line will build upon what we’ve done. Our lives will open or close doors for them.

In order to stay ready so that your lineage can be ready you have to keep the right perspective. Inky has experienced a lot in his life. He lived in a house where his uncles sold drugs. His mother worked at Wendy’s. He could have ended up in jail like his relatives. He could have worked a menial job. He could have lost it. He could have gave up, but his perspective has allowed him to persevere through even the biggest challenges.

He went to college when people told him that he wouldn’t. He made it to the NFL. Early in his career his arm was injured and paralyzed. Once again he could have thrown in the towel and lost all hope. But he persevered and now he has built a career inspiring people to be their best.

“If I can get the right perspective about the situation nine out of ten times I can beat the situation.” – Inky Johnson

Inky says that we have too many options. He tells the story of how he went to pick strawberries with his family. Some of his family members were like, “I’m not feeling this” and went back to the car. They gave up because they could. But our ancestors picking cotton couldn’t just walk away whenever they got ready. That option wasn’t available to them. But we have a plethora of options and we can exercise our right to give up whenever we get ready.

“Until it’s do or die you not really in it.” – Inky Johnson

Our ancestors only had two options – do or die. We’re not really in it – our goals, our future, our business, our marriages, etc. – until it is do or die. Inky says we have to approach it with everything we’ve got. That’s how you stay ready. “It’s the spirit of no option and no choice.” It’s simply do or die. There’s no retreating and no running.

“There’s no special talent. It’s grit.” – Inky Johnson

Not only is our lineage counting on us, but our ancestors are counting on us. “At what point do we honor the sacrifices of those who came before us?” Inky questioned. So many people have made sacrifices that we might be here. So many people didn’t give up on picking cotton that we might be here. They persevered. They prayed. And that perseverance and prayer made it possible for some of us to even be alive. So when do we honor them? When do our actions and decisions line up with the opportunity we’ve been given? It’s time that we take the platoon and run the next phase of the race before passing it on to our lineage.

“People burnout because they forget what they represent. The lineage.” – Inky Johnson

There’s so much more than I could say from Inky’s talk, but there were three other speakers. But I do want to end with a few notable quotes:

“If you’re foolish enough to have that type of faith God will put you right in front of it.”

“As long as you make sure someone else’s life is okay God will always make sure your life is okay.”

“Adversity makes some people break and some people break records.”

“Make the decision that you won’t be denied and you become dangerous.”

Know Where You Are

Jeremy Anderson took the stage next. He said that he didn’t ask for the opportunity to tour with Eric Thomas and Associates. Yet, at the same time he did. As he began to put the work in and do a little self reflection the call came to him. He asked for the opportunity with work and consistency.

“In order to get to the next level you have to know where you are.” – Jeremy Anderson

Jeremy says that sometimes the way we view ourselves is not the truth. He tells a story of how he thought someone had photoshopped a picture of him. In the picture his hairline was so far receded someone must have doctored it. His wife lovingly let him know the photo was legit. He decided it was time to go bald. Lol.

Our image of ourselves is sometimes not the reality. This can actually work both ways. Jeremy focused on how we are blinded to our shortcomings. There’s also a such thing as being blinded to our gifts as well. We must recognize who we really are and where we really are so that we can figure out where to go next and how to get there.

“Always grateful, but never settling.” – Jeremy Anderson

In order to grow we have to pull up all the negative stuff. Similar to gardening. We have to get rid of the weeds. But if you can’t even acknowledge the weeds in your own life and being you’re not going to be able to pull them up.

Jeremy says not to ask why the grass is greener on the other side. Ask what they are doing to make it greener. Are they fertilizing it? Watering it? Perhaps it’s even fake. You don’t need to know that the grass is greener. You need to know how to get your grass greener. You need to know what they’re doing.

At the same time focus on yourself. Be the best that you can be. Do what it takes to have greener grass. And be willing to look crazy for a while. Sometimes when you start pulling up the negative stuff you look and feel a mess. But that is only temporary. Being willing to temporarily look crazy will set you up for success.

“Be desperate to win and desperate to grow.” – Jeremy Anderson

How do you let go of the dead stuff? Tell yourself “I don’t do that no more.” Stop saying “I’m trying to quit.” Say you don’t do it anymore even if you’re still struggling with it. Jeremy used to do drugs and drink a lot. When he was quitting and people would ask him if he wanted to smoke a blunt he would reply, “I don’t do that no more.” Even though he really want to go smoke a blunt! And it worked for him. I forget the exact number but he’s been clean for years.

Some additional quotes from Jeremy:

“I told my wife I know how our story ends. It ends with us being rich…It ends with us being lenders and not borrowers.”

“Shaq’s feet look like they’re possessed by concrete. Are you willing to break your feet?”

“One day at a time. Today I choose to win.”

“People don’t buy dreams. They buy reality.”

“Don’t put too much power in your DNA. (As in my mom this or my dad this). Your DNA doesn’t determine your destiny. Your decisions do.”

Fear is a handicap

David Shands, CEO of Sleep Is 4 Suckers graced the stage next. I won’t spend a lot of time here because his talk was mostly business related and I don’t cover business training on my blog. The biggest takeaway for me even for non business owners was that fear is a handicap. He said it is a sickness. David brought up a website of phobias. I’m pretty sure that it was The Phobia List. There are hundreds of phobias on this website. There’s a fear of dancing (Chorophobia), a fear of responsibility, which explains some things, (Hypengyophobia) and a fear of telephones (Telephonophobia), to name a few.

When you look at it like that fear does really seem like a disability. If you have a phobia of responsibility can you see how that would disable you from living a life you love? So we have to be willing to get over our fears. He didn’t really go into details of the how, but identifying the problem is half the battle. According to David you have a disability. What is it? What fears are preventing you from staying ready?

Make it Happen

And finally the man of the hour, Eric Thomas himself hit the stage. His main message was we have to MAKE things happen. “Get ready to prepare to make oneself ready.” This means being proactive and not reactive. Eric says to measure how reactive you are in life vs. how proactive you are. He also says if you want to be a millionaire write down everything that millionaires do and do those things. That was an example, but essentially he’s saying that to be proactive and not reactive you find out what you need to do to be who you want to be and you do those things.

“Stop sitting by the phone.” – Eric Thomas

Make means to cause something to exist or come about that didn’t exist before. I am so of the philosophy of making things happen (as opposed to “manifesting” things). ET advises that we don’t need anything else than what we currently have to make it happen. You (and I) have enough right not.

“As soon as your brain can think it you are equipped to bring it about.” – Eric Thomas

Make the list of what you need to do and study that list. To get ready to stay ready for an opportunity starts with you. “Make sure every time you get the rock (ball) you score.” Operate at your highest level. Judge yourself before you judge (assess the people you’re around).

One thing ET said was that we have to take advantage of our present opportunities. We have to “knock them out right now”. Not just capitalizing on the opportunity, but being the person who can handle the opportunity. He tells how he almost got divorced. Not because he was cheating but because he didn’t know how to be a husband and his wife was ready to walk out. So many people want to change their decisions when things aren’t going right but you need to learn how to embrace your current opportunities. Not just trade them out for another. He said that some people are praying for a spouse (ME!) and a career while others have those opportunities but don’t fully embrace them.

If the current situation you’re in doesn’t work out it doesn’t relieve you of your need to grow. “If you break up with her you still have to be a husband.” So you might as well knock it out now. You might as well learn how to be a husband right now in this current marriage. No matter what you will still have to grow into a husband or a wife or a parent or a business owner or a more joyful person or a more disciplined person, etc. Running away doesn’t change it. Change changes it.

Some closing quotes from ET:

“You are no deeper than the people you run with.”

“Most of you can’t stay ready because you’re focused on the past. Let that go.”

Related Articles:

Tony Robbins’ How to Unleash the Power Within

Jack Canfield’s Getting to Great in One Day

Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder

Tony Gaskins Jr.’s Live A Balanced Life

Lessons From the Law of Attraction with Esther Hicks

Breakthroughs Out Loud From Lisa Nichols & Team

Breakthroughs Out Loud From Lisa Nichols & Team

A few weeks ago I attended Speak and Write  To Make Millions hosted by Lisa Nichols and Susie Carder. I know several people who have attended in the past. I actually participated via live stream a few years ago. I was traveling that weekend so I didn’t participate live. I watched the replay. Anyway, everyone kept telling me how insane it was. “The days are long. Everyone cries. The event is amazing. You have to go in person.”

While I didn’t cry, the days are long (the introvert in me dipped out early the first night) and the event is awesome. I learned a lot. I made a lot of great connections and relationships. And it was in San Diego. What more can I say? Here are some of my breakthroughs out loud (BOLs) as Lisa would call them:

Be committed to your vision

When you’re not committed you wonder, “What if?” What if it doesn’t work? What if I don’t have what it takes? What if it’s not my purpose or what God wants me to do? Women say to me all the time, “I don’t know what my purpose is.” I’ve always believed that they know their purpose. It’s not hiding from them. Now I realize it’s likely that they’re just not committed to their purpose.

When you become non-negotiable about your vision you’re not worried out that thing. That thing is worried about you. Non-negotiable means moving everything else off the table.

Be enough for yourself

You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Just be enough for yourself. We think we have to be superman or superwoman to everyone in our lives. That’s simply not true. We just have to be enough for ourselves. We just have to like ourselves. The whole world doesn’t have to like us and they won’t. Sometimes we’re trying to be everything to everyone except ourselves. Sometimes there’s pressure to be someone else’s rescue or to accomplish their goals for them.

My sister went to Kentucky a few years ago to visit. She gave our dad a $100. I went to Kentucky a few weeks after she did. I gave our dad $0. Now if he would have asked or said that he needed financial support I would without hesitation give whatever I had to give. He didn’t and I didn’t. My dad made a comment to my sister, “Charlene never does stuff like this.” As in give money.

In the back of my head I felt bothered by the statement. (1) because I give a lot to my family. I’ve paid for vacations, medical bills, and a house. Now here I am feeling the expectation to be enough and to give enough for my dad, but resisting the urge the comply. Why? Because in the front of my head is MY VISION. I don’t not give because I’m selfish or greedy. I don’t give because I’m focused and hungry for MY FUTURE. I don’t splurge for myself. My sister does. She has fancier stuff in her house than I in mine. There’s no right or wrong but that’s why she gives more. She spends more than me in general.

I tell that story because if I would have caved so that I could become enough for my father I wouldn’t be enough for me. If anybody I love needs me I got them. I’ll give whatever I have at the drop of a dime. But I will not make it rain on them just for the fun of it. I will not forgo my vision for their TEMPORARY pleasure. And my decisions on how to invest my finances and live my life is ENOUGH FOR ME. I pray and trust that my family understands that.

Trust your vision

You can’t see your entire journey right now because if you did it might frighten you. Lisa says, “Some of you are trying to understand the how to see if you want the what. Choose the want and you’ll find the how.” You have to trust the vision you see when you look into your future. You might not know the how now and that not knowing may be for your benefit. Stay focused on the what. Don’t worry about the how. And don’t let the how make you give up on the what.

Clarity comes with commitment

“You keep saying you want clarity. The universe is saying I need commitment. I’ll give you the clarity.” Clarity comes from commitment. It comes from taking action. When you move more of the vision becomes clear to you. You don’t need to see what’s in the next town if you’re not willing to leave your street. Get committed first and then you will see.

There’s no hookup…

There’s just the culmination of decisions. I’ve said before, borrowing from the words of Robert Frost, “Way leads onto way. Goals lead onto goals. Progress leads on to progress.” There’s no hookup. You have to make decisions – usually small ones – over and over again. In fact, Lisa says, “micro decisions lead to your biggest moments.”

Check your proximity

Although she said there’s no magic in being next to her, Lisa also tells a story of her friend Ann. Ann and her husband are wealthy. At the time Lisa was still building her prosperity. Lisa would go to Ann’s house and just touch the furniture and the structure. She was believing it for herself. There’s power in proximity. I think about it for my own life in what I’m building. I’ve been around millionaires and million dollar business owners. There’s something special about that.

“I loved myself enough to ask her to be my friend.” – Lisa Nichols in reference to Ann

It’s important to surround yourself with like minded people. People to encourage you, inspire you, and lift you. You don’t need dream doubters and naysayers. You don’t need people with small vision. You need people who are going where you want to go or who are already there.

Lisa also says that you need a combination of leavers (as in people you leave) and chasers (as in people you chase) in your life. If you only have chasers you’ll always feel like your being left behind. If you just have leavers you’ll always be the best person in the room.

Check your proximity and adjust as needed.

Interrupt your patterns

“You have to pattern interrupt your habits so you can pattern interrupt your life.” You are your habitual actions and decisions. You are your routine. When you want to change your life you have to change the things you do everyday. Interrupt your daily habits so that you can interrupt your life.

Always know what you need next

It’s critical in life to identify what you need next. If you’re not constantly identifying what you need next you’re just going to be settling. If you’re not clear on what you need next you need clarity next. Sign up for a free clarity call with Charlene at www.transformwithcharlene.com.

Say goodbye

Sometimes you have to say goodbye to one season of your life to give birth to the next season of your life. And sometimes you need someone to help you walk to the next level of your life.

Sometimes when we think we’re stuck we just holding onto something that we should be letting go. Fear of the unknown, comforts, and confusion prevent us from moving on. Learn to say goodbye to old seasons of your life. Don’t just go into the next season of your life. Go in non-negotiable.

“The smartest thing I did 22 years ago was get a personal life coach.” – Lisa Nichols

Play big

The bigger you play the bigger the breakdown. If you’re not having breakdowns you’re not playing big enough. Expect breakdowns when you play big, but know that suffering is optional. You do not have to suffer. If you’ve chosen to suffer – maybe you’re choosing to suffer right now – know that it is optional. Grow, don’t crumble in face of your breakdowns.

What’s next?

You don’t have to know everything you just have to know where to get it. Don’t try to eat the elephant. Take a bite. Remember those micro decisions (and actions). Focus on what you need to do next. Where do you need to focus your attention next? What project do you need to work on next?

Take radical action

Action alone is not enough. You need to take radical action to accomplish your goals. Schedule your tasks. If it’s not in the schedule it’s not getting done.

Control your thoughts

Remove any conversation in your head that might interrupt your growth. Show yourself unconditional love. Give yourself grace. Quiet the voices inside your head – the judgments, the evaluations, the commentary so you can grow.

Don’t grow alone

Say it out loud, “I will not grow alone.” You need a support system to help you grow. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with like minded people. That’s why it’s so important to invest in coaching. That’s why I attend so many personal development events and have worked with so many coaches. It’s hard to grow alone. And it’s not as fun.

“A coach will tell you what you don’t want to hear so that you can be who you know you were meant to be.” – Susie Carder

Learn more about Lisa Nichols, Motivating the Masses, and her events, products, and coaching at www.motivatingthemasses.com. Learn more about Speak and Write to Make Millions at www.speakandwriteworkshop.com. Learn more about Susie Carder at www.susiecarder.com.

Your turn

Successful people have coaches. I worked with tons of coaches – Fitness, Business, Sales, Life, Book Writing coaches. Every time I want to go after something in my life that is currently out of reach I reach for a coach. It’s an important part of personal growth and development.

It used to be said that it takes a village to raise a child. We used to have daily access to the wisdom of our elders. We lived in smaller communities and stayed close to our village, our tribe. But now, with advancements in standards of living, careers, gender equality our village is more spread out then ever. Yet, we still need the support, the wisdom, and the guidance of someone experienced and/or trained to coach us along. The need and the value hasn’t gone away just because the way we live has evolved. You still need a helping hand. You still shouldn’t grow alone. And you don’t have to.

If there’s something that you want for your life that is currently out of reach and you’re ready to grab a hold of it I’d like to invite you to apply for a complimentary, no obligation clarity call with me. You can apply at www.transformwithcharlene.com. If you have big goals for your life, if you’re ambitious, and non-negotiable about your future it shouldn’t be a matter of IF you’re going to partner with a coach. It’s a matter of WHO. Who will you partner with on your life goals? I’m inviting you to consider me. Apply at the link above. I look forward to meeting you! ~ Charlene

Related Articles:

Tony Robbins’ How to Unleash the Power Within

Jack Canfield’s Getting to Great in One Day

Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder

Tony Gaskins Jr.’s Live A Balanced Life

Think and Grow Chick’s The PowerHouse (aka Powerful Woman)

Lessons From the Law of Attraction with Esther Hicks


FCTB026: How Your Personal Growth Influences Your Spiritual Growth and Vice Versa

If you’ve been following From Butterflies To Caterpillars for some time, you’d know that I advocate growth. I also believe that personal growth and how we live our lives is an extension of our spirituality. Personally, I find that the work I’m doing improving myself and helping others achieve personal growth serves a broader purpose and benefit the spiritual life.

 Faith without works is dead. James 2:20

I discuss why is it so, the different areas of our life that need growth, and how lacking in just one of these areas can stall our potential for success. The relationship between these facets of our life is the core of today’s episode and is what I will be expounding on today. Some of the points I raised on this episode are:

  • How difficulties in our lives prevent us from experiencing God and practicing our spirituality, and how our initiatives to overcome difficulties and grow on a personal level positions us to grow spiritually too (1:18).
  • The fruit of the spirit that help with our spirituality and how allowing these same fruits to transcend the other facets of our lives will translate and manifest into our visions and goals (3:10).
  • A story I’ve encountered recently that illustrates how one’s spirituality influences the principles which with you live your life with and experiences you go through (3:45).
  • My experience fueled by a worship song that put into words peoples’ journey, how growth and faith plays a big role as we traverse the great unknown, and in return how the journey brings us even closer to God (4:48; 8:18).
  • How focusing on fears and limitations keep us from going out in the water which can easily be aided through a growth mindset that goes beyond these, surpassing who we are and what we’re capable of (7:57).
  • The reason why our gifts and talents shouldn’t be hidden and must be used and shared with others as shown in the Parable of Talents (9:11).
  • What we should do in the instance that we are called to use our gifts but lacked the knowledge and confidence (13:00).
  • The three areas of our life that we must constantly work on and keep updated (15:10).
  • A story of how my faith was tested when I delved on real estate investing with my family (17:18).
  • An apparent discrepancy I noticed attending events over the number of people interested in growing spiritually, personally and technically (19:37).
  • The importance of people’s growth on the three areas of life intertwining making them unstoppable (21:20)

Grow in multiple facets. Multiply your talents. Learn the technical know-how. Be driven by personal growth. Worship and grow in your faith. Combine and intertwine them – then you will be unstoppable. Go be unstoppable. Go walk on water.

Growth is a cycle of learning, mastery and transcending into a higher level of even more learning. My challenge to you as I end this episode is to create a lifestyle where you’re always embracing growth.

Relevant Links:
The Truth About Purpose | From Caterpillars to Butterflies 

Oceans by Hillsong United | Spotify

The Parable of Talents | Bible Gateway

I appreciate the time you take listening and the support you’ve given to the show. Subscribe to From Butterflies to Caterpillars on Patreon to get first dibs to episodes and other perks. You can also find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Remember to leave the podcast a rating and review on the platform you’re listening to. This allows us to reach more people and move up the rankings.

I hope you learned a key takeaway or two today. If you have feedback or questions, I want to hear from you! Give me a shout out through the comments or by dropping me an email at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com. Let’s chat and see if we can work together on your personal and spiritual growth. If what you listened to today has been useful for you, feel free to share it with other too.


Always said that personal growth is intertwined with spiritual.

Work I do in personal growth serves a broader purpose and benefit in spiritual.

1:18 When someone is down they’re gonna have a hard time experiencing God and resting in his presence as there are things suppressing their spiritual awareness.

1:48 As you grow personally, you can position yourself to grow spiritually as well, and vice versa.

2:36 When you’re in a funk, insecure, or unworthy, then spirituality will be difficult. As you grow as a person, you also develop as a spiritual being.

3:10 The fruits of the spirit:  love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control

As you grow spiritual, these same fruits will manifest and translate in your life and goals.

3:45 Story online – book kept her marriage together by agreeing to an open marriage.

4:29 Spirituality influences the principles you live your life with and the experiences you go through.

4:48 Plane to San Diego, tarmac in Houston. Stirred up with a song by Hillsong United

5:41 I’ve been in a similar journey into the great unknown as the one being described in the song

6:09 A lot of times we’re reluctant, we not know enough, not skilled enough – this is the reason we need to grow into our purpose and our gifts. Through growth we’ll learn and be ready until the realization of our vision comes and happens.

7:57 We’re not going out to the water. Too focused on who or what we’re not, we don’t have and incapable of. Growth mindset goes beyond what we’re not and what we can’t, instead it transcends so we are and we’re capable.

8:18 “There I find You”. You find god in the midst of your calling and spiritual gifts. Helps you increase your faith.

9:11 your gifts aren’t for you, it shouldn’t be hidden – it is meant to be shared with others.

9:48 Parable of talents.

11:31 Burying our talents – we don’t wanna lose in the process, we think it is safer, too afraid to walk out into the great unknown. Living cautiously is criminal.

12:44 Not using your talents – thrown into darkness, despair, unhappiness.

13:00 Called to use our gifts but if we lacked knowledge, confidence, skill set, it is upon us to learn it. If you don’t use what you have you won’t be getting more.

14:39 How many times we have let go of something that would’ve been a gift because we are unwilling to hrow?

15:10 We know we’re supposed to grow and keep ourselves updated constantly.

16:35 As you grow personally it positions you to grow spiritually.

Personal, spiritual, technical growth together

17:18 Started investing in real estate, family joined me and we worked on a property together.

18:53 You may have the faith to get there, but will you have the faith to stay there? No, you need to grow.

19:37 Tony Robbins event. 9k people. Few black people. The same venue with a bishop, packed with black people.

21:20 Faith without works is dead. But if you’re too paralyzed or undisciplined to work, then you’re not gonna bring about what you’re having faith for.

Lessonings From The Law of Attraction

Last weekend I went to an Abraham-Hicks Vortex of Attraction workshop led by Esther Hicks. Below you will find my key takeaways.

Before I jump in though I want to clarify that I personally do not believe in the channeling of spirits. I’m not speaking to the intentions or integrity of anyone. I’m just stating for the record, because it’s important to me to be authentic and honest and not to ever mislead anyone. I am not endorsing any spiritual channeling. If you believe in the channeling of spirits or Abraham (apparently a collection of spirits), great! You’ll enjoy this post. If you do not believe in such channeling that is also perfectly fine. I learned through my research that Jerry Hicks (Esther’s deceased husband whom she started this business with) was a motivational speaker at Amway (a network marketing company) earlier in his career.

Whether you believe the learnings below are from spiritual entities named Abraham or that they are great motivational/self improvement/personal growth content doesn’t really matter. The content is great. I took about 8 pages of notes in an essentially 3 hour workshop. (If you want to hear what I heard I believe you can purchase CDs of the actual event. This was the Houston, TX , April 15th, 2017 event. We were quoted a price of $65. You may have to call. I don’t see specific workshops for sale on the website.)

Okay! Now that the housecleaning is out of the way – here’s what I have to share!

Don’t Kill Your Desires With Doubt

If your desires feel good to you it means you’re not killing them with doubt. If they don’t feel good to you it is likely that you are killing them softly with doubt. One thing mentioned repeatedly is that we should focus on things that feel good to us. If there’s a conflict – you have two choices – choose the one that feels good to you. Focusing on things that don’t feel good to you takes you away from who you are. Doubt doesn’t do anything. It’s just an indicator of what you’re focused on.

Focus on what feels good despite the chaos around you.

Be A Focused Creator

Be mindful of what you are creating in your life. Don’t just be an observer of what’s going on around you.  If you spend all your time focusing on what is, you’re locking yourself into what is and not what could be. Staying focused on what you lack or your current situation prevents new and improved situations from coming into your life. You are a powerful creator who has come to earth to explore.

Don’t let the squeaky wheel get the grease. In other words don’t spend all your time and energy focused on the squeaky wheel, the thing that demands your attention at the expense of your true desires. I talk about this is a podcast episode on creating balance. The squeaky wheel could be a demanding boss, a needy family member or financial stresses. It can be tempting to divert all of your attention to the squeaky wheel in an attempt to quiet it. That may seem like the rational, peaceful, ideal thing to do. However, you have to stay focused on what you are intentionally creating and not get distracted by less important things.

How do you not concern yourself with what is? Let go of the defense or rationalization of what is. Don’t debate and argue with others. If your desire is less active than your belief your desire loses. When a desire is new it’s not as strong as an active belief is. Don’t reinforce unhealthy or limiting beliefs by trying to debate against them. Think of trying to convince a friend that a new opportunity is the right move for you. This is a new desire. It’s weak. Your friend, who means well, counters your arguments with rhetoric that supports your older, stronger limiting beliefs. The older beliefs will win every time.

Stay focused on what you are creating. Do not open the door to debate against your desires.  Usually when you debate with someone about your plans, strategies, goals, it leads nowhere. I speak from personal experience. They’re steadfast in their position. You’re steadfast in yours. The only thing that you accomplish is planting seeds of doubt. See lesson above.

The other thing you can do to concern yourself with what is is to focus on what you want. You can’t withdraw your attention from anything. You can only give your attention to something. Don’t try to not think about something. Purposely choose to think about your desires.

Quiet Your Mind

Quiet your mind to stop the momentum of negative thoughts and emotions. Negative emotions are tensions you feel when the physical you isn’t going along with the larger or inner you.

Your inner being is constantly giving you ideas and suggestions because it knows what you want. (See The Truth About Purpose podcast episode). You have a friend with a broader perspective. This “friend” knows where you are in relation to what you want. It knows the path of least resistance for you and can guide you around your negative beliefs.

Be a receiver of what you want. Listen to your inner being. Otherwise you will bang out your desires and goals the hard way.

How do you quiet your mind? Set aside 15-20 minutes to meditate and quiet your thoughts. You can choose to focus on the ticking of a clock or a flame flickering as examples. When you do this other thoughts will become less active and you will become a vibrational match to your inner being. Quieting your mind distracts you from what you don’t want.

You can isolate your thoughts and tune into who you are. When you stop all thought by quieting your mind and meditating you stop resistant thought. The absence of resistant thought allows positive thoughts to strengthen.

Follow the Impulse

Follow your impulses, particularly during/after meditation. Follow the impulse of the first conscious thought. See where it leads you. If you’re doing anything other than listening to your impulse you’re getting yourself off track. When resistance is down and desire is up the timing is right. You will get the impulse.

Be Here And Satisfied…And Here and Satisfied….And Here and Satisfied

The formula for happily ever after is being here and satisfied. Wherever here is. And then when you move to that next place be there and satisfied. Always reach for satisfaction. This goes along with the first point of doing what feels good to you. Esther defines happiness as “focus with little to no resistance.” This can be a struggle because the “tangible is intoxicating.” Don’t I know it? We all want to see results. We want to see the physical manifestation of what we’re working towards. When we don’t see it at the exact moment of when we thought we’d see it we get dissatisfied and unhappy.

Practice getting as far as you can into the day feeling satisfaction. And tomorrow try to go a little further. When you’re satisfied you’re cuing yourself up to be even more satisfied.

Be satisfied to be satisfied. Your momentum towards achieving what you desire increases in satisfaction. If you don’t show yourself you can be satisfied where you are you will be waiting on another ship for the rest of your life. And another ship. And another ship.

Adopt the attitude of happy now…happy now…happy now.

If It Feels Hard You’re Not Ready

If something feels hard you’re not ready. If there’s resistance you’re not ready. Resistance can sound like, “It’s not fair.” or “It’s just not right.” The difference between desire and belief creates resistance.

If something feels easy you’re ready. Go with the flow not against it. Trying to get the bugs out of the trouble spot puts more bugs in it.

If you can’t decide what to focus on focus on the subject that flows. The one with the least resistance. Stay off of subjects that make you focus on what you don’t have. Stay off the ones that make you feel dissatisfied.

When there’s no resistance things move fast.

Strive for clarity and not confusion.

Be Ready to Be Ready to Be Ready

Esther talks about going to look at a beautiful house on the beach. It was gorgeous and she wanted it. Until she heard the price. And then all these negative emotions and worries came up for her. I can totally relate. You want to buy something; maybe a new car or a new house and then the price really freaks you out! You’re worried about making payments on something you haven’t even purchased yet. You’re trying to rearrange bills or cut cable channels. It stresses you out before you’ve even had a chance to enjoy the darn thing. Esther says this friction means you are not ready. Remember, if it feels hard you’re just not ready.

But……..you can be ready to be ready to be ready. When the manifestation of what you want is the next logical step for you, take the step. When it is not simply be ready to be ready to be ready.

You don’t demand the universe or God to give you anything. You prepare yourself. You get ready.

If you don’t get going in the direction of what you want your dissatisfaction will keep growing. If your desires call you and you don’t follow you will become more unhappy.

Stay ready to be ready to be ready.

You Won’t Find Satisfaction Hating Someone

The subject of Donald Trump came up. To this Esther said that you won’t find satisfaction hating or judging someone else. Assigning the responsibility to another person will not make you feel better. You will feel better when you come into alignment. If you’re not waiting on something or someone to be removed you are free. Otherwise you are in eternal bondage.

Whee! Over 1600 words later. Lol. Again I really thought it was a great workshop. I would highly recommend it. Hope my write-up is useful to you!

Related Articles:

Tony Robbins’ How to Unleash the Power Within

Jack Canfield’s Getting to Great in One Day

Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder

Tony Gaskins Jr.’s Live A Balanced Life

Think and Grow Chick’s The PowerHouse (aka Powerful Woman)


FCTB010: How To Get Unstuck

I don’t know if there’s a statement I hear more often than, “I feel so stuck.”

On today’s episode, we deal further with executing our goals and visions. Last week’s topic was about grit, a key element towards success. We all try to make progress towards our goals, work on our personal growth and persevere passionately with whatever it is we want to attain in life. But there are just some moments when we can’t help but feel stuck.

Working as a life coach, this is a recurring theme I hear from women. They report dealing with times in their lives that they cannot just move forward due to various reasons. I myself also am not immune to moments like this, I know that it can get discouraging.  It is these experiences that helped me come up with my tips on how to get unstuck.

Feeling stuck can lead to frustration, discouragement, and even depression. Wanting more for your life and believing that there is nothing you can do to improve your situation is heartbreaking. But, we don’t have to stay in a state of “stuckness”. Nor do we have to believe that we’re dis-empowered or that our progress is dependent on someone else. You can get unstuck and find the freedom you most desire. This episode will teach you how.

Learn 7 specific strategies you can leverage to get unstuck in your life. Create the freedom you desire, remove the roadblocks you face, and stop waiting on situations to loosen their grasps on you. You are empowered to get unstuck for yourself. Go from feeling stuck to feeling free so you can live your best life.

My personal belief is that we all can create the life we want and it is truly heartbreaking for me to hear people saying they are stuck, and that is why I will share with you these 7 strategies to employ should you feel stuck on today’s episode. Hear about:

  • My first method to relieve feelings of being stuck is to do what you can, we often think we’ve exhausted our options but there is always something else you can do, someone you can call to turn things around (3:02).
  • Two stories when I dealt with feelings of being stuck. One of which was a time in my life when I was fired, had been waiting anxiously to get my next job offer (4:34); another is a project that was supposedly to be turned over to me, yet another person is not quite ready to relinquish ownership of the responsibility (6:45), and what I did to relieve myself of anxiety and get myself unstuck in both of those situations.
  • My second technique to get unstuck is managing risks, setting a personal threshold on how much you can handle, and acknowledging risk tolerance level is unique for every individual (10:01). I also share how I apply this principle in real estate investing (10:10).
  • Which areas of your life do you feel stuck in? I provide examples of how to work around these situations (13:21).
  • My third tip to unstuck ourselves is to be willing to ask for help and accept help; acknowledge you need help and know that it’s okay (14:50).
  • The fourth strategy to deal with feeling stuck is to grow, something that I couldn’t have reiterated in my podcast and blog more – we all can have anything we want in life if we are willing to grow – to get to the next level, you need to grow (16:34).
  • And my last tip is to just trust yourself – that you can make the right decisions, and take the right risks – however small or big these are (17:44).
  • 2 more methods I included are based on Valorie Burton, which will supplement the ones I already provided (19:02) One of which is to drop toxic relationships – people feeding you with negative thoughts, not empowering you, or are just downright uninspiring (19:02), and to build your bank of evidence – which means to look back at times and the reasons why things worked out instead of focusing on why it won’t (21:02).


If you want to read more about Valorie Burton’s other tips, you may check on these links:

Valorie Burton https://valorieburton.com/
Get Unstuck, Be Unstoppable: Step into the Amazing Life God Imagined for You by Valerie Burton

What did you think of this week’s episode? I’d love to hear from you and keep the conversation going by sharing your feedback/questions via the podcast comments or by emailing me directly at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com. If you found the lessons in this podcast useful, share it with your friends and colleagues too!

Thanks for listening and for the continuous support to the podcast. I’d appreciate if you can subscribe, give a rating and review to whatever platform you’re listening from. I’d love to hear your feedback too so we can improve the podcast further!  You can find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, and Stitcher.  Additionally, we’re on Patreon. Sponsor us for additional resources to help you grow! You can also find me on social media, on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter.

FCTB007: Why You Need A Personal Growth Plan and How to Create One

In true caterpillars to butterflies style, the topic I’m discussing on the 7th episode of the podcast, is growth – specifically Personal Growth Plans.
I have been reiterating in this podcast that growth is a constant and continuous process in our lives. What better way to celebrate this perpetual state of being than planning around it? It has been said that those who fail to plan, plan to fail. Given that we’re ending one year and beginning a new one, it is only quite fitting that we plan the coming year, quarter or month, and start with growth in mind.

In this episode, you will learn about:

  • Why I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that there are people who don’t believe in new year’s resolutions (1:30; 2:26), or setting aside time in the beginning of the year to plan (2:36).
  • The importance of investing in self-growth (1:35), and why you need to have a growth plan in place (3:11).
  • Things we lost along the way in our life that we wanted to keep, how we need to be honest, acknowledge, and identify these (3:22), and an anecdote illustrating how losing something made me realize something that I need to grow into (4:48).
  • How acknowledging the areas where you need to work in is the first step towards your growth plan (9:03).
  • The idea of reflecting on the past to understand why you need to grow (9:48), and looking into the future to identify your goals, what you want to achieve and what’s keeping you from it (10:19).
  • A personal account of growing up shy, which I identified as limiting my opportunities (11:30), and what I did to grow out of the shyness and build confidence (12:40).
  • The guide I developed to create your personal growth plan that you’ll need fill out to get that growth going on whatever areas of your life you want to improve on (13:47).
  • A simple and free hack I’d like to share with you to reprogram the subconscious mind through subliminal audios (15:30).
  • Researching your way towards your Personal Growth Plan (17:33), and how it can cross from being mere plans into tangible actions (18:11).
  • I will be leading you through a guided meditation about growth on the last part of the podcast (20:30).


Personal Growth Plan

Book: I Can Make You Confident by Paul McKenna

Toastmasters Organization to help you learn communication and leadership skills, improve public speaking performance, and gain confidence.

Finally, thanks for taking the time to listen to my podcast! I’d appreciate it if you can subscribe and provide this podcast a rating and/or review. You can find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, and Stitcher. Additionally, we’re on Patreon. Sponsor us for additional resources to help you grow! For more, follow me on my social media accounts. I’d love to hear from you! Find me on Facebook and Twitter.

4 New Personal Growth / Self Help Podcasts to Listen to in 2017

Are you looking for new podcasts to add to your personal growth library? Here’s my pick of up and coming personal growth / self-help podcasts to listen to in 2017 to help you transform your year!

From Caterpillars to Butterflies Personal Growth Podcast

I’m so excited to have finally launched my very own personal growth podcast! This has been an idea of mine for probably about a year. It has finally come to fruition. We’ve been live for about 2 weeks now and I’m super pleased with results thus far. Personal growth to me is about continuously closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be. It’s a lifestyle. This podcast focuses on how we grow, plan, think and live everyday in order to reach our highest potential. My personal philosophy is that we grow by being real with ourselves about ourselves, by tuning in to what we feel and what triggers those feelings, and my working to overcome the obstacles in our way. This show is all about practical insights, learnings, and tools to grow into the best version of yourselves. Episodes include Change Your Frequency to Change Your Life, Drama is a Distraction, and The Truth About Purpose.

You can find the show on the show website,  iTunes, Soundcloud, and Stitcher.



StoryHinge is hosted by Jason Vidaurri. The premise of this self help podcast is to help you grow by sharing real stories of real people. Jason believes that in order for us to grow and find happiness we need to challenge some of our assumptions. We sometimes build assumptions because we’re piecing information together. They are gaps in what we know to be true so we attempt to fill the gap as best we can. That’s why it’s important to challenge those assumptions that are built on partial information. Storytelling is powerful because if you can captivate someone’s attention and draw them in you can help them make key shifts in their thinking and in their lives.

One of my favorite episodes features an interview with Paul Smith, a storytelling coach. He tells a story of how his dad showed him what it means to be a man. Spoiler Alert: It has to do with quiche.

You can find the show at www.storyhinge.com.


Unstagnate: Live An Unconventional Life

Unstagnate is a podcast focused on unconventional ways to personal growth. The tagline is “Leave the Rut Behind.” This is not really your traditional personal growth podcast (hence the unconventional life part). Almog, the host interviews guest for each episode. Episode topics range from Sex to Travel to Goal Setting. Again, not your typical personal growth podcast.

One of my favorite episodes is with Leigh Louey-Gung about How to Live Life on Your Own Terms. Leigh says that everything we do in life is intrinsically motivated. We do it based on what we get out of it.  What we get out of it is different types of experiences. When we understand this concept we can create a life that gives us the experiences we want in empowering ways. We can choose the right pathway to the experience. An independent pathway that is within our control or a dependent pathway that requires someone or something else. For example, you can create an experience of freedom by getting drunk, but that isn’t the most independent, empowering pathway.

Find Unstagnate at www.unstagnate.com.


SelfWork With Dr. Margaret Rutherford

SelfWork is a relatively new personal growth podcast hosted by Dr. Margaret Rutherford. The purpose of the podcast is as the name implies, to help you do your self work. The topics focus quite a bit on depression (thus far, she’s only six episodes in and 3 focus on depression). The other three touch on infidelity, panic, and therapy. What I like about the podcast is that the episodes are on the shorter side (30 minutes or so). I rarely listen to hour long podcast all the way through so this is a great length for people like me. 🙂

SelfWork is really focused on emotional and mental health growth areas as opposed to the goal setting and mindset focus of a lot of other self help podcasts (including mine). SelfWork centers around emotions, characteristics, or moods that tend to hold people back but aren’t talked about a lot. They’re almost taboo to talk about. You know topics like depression and anxiety disorders. That’s why she’s a doctor!

Listen to the podcast at drmargaretrutherford.com

What new personal growth or self help podcasts have you discovered?

Getting to Great in One Day

charlene-dior-and-jack-canfieldI recently attended Jack Canfield‘s One Day to Greatness seminar in Dallas, TX. If you don’t know who Jack Canfield is I’m sure you’ve heard of his books. He is one of the original creators of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series. As always, whenever I attend any workshop or event geared towards personal growth I like to share my experience and learnings. Here’s what I learned from Mr. Canfield:

E + R = O (Events + Response = Outcome)

If you want a different outcome you have to change your responses. You may not be able to change the event but you have 100% control of your response. You are 1/2 of the equation (at worst).

Act as if everything that you experience was in some way created, allowed, or promoted by you. Ask yourself, “How did I create this?” Do this for at least the next 67 days. 67 is the magic number when it comes to changing habits. I would caution you though not to put the blame on yourself for life. I realize that some people are already extremely hard on themselves and I don’t want to encourage that. Blaming yourself for everything can crush your spirits and self confidence and keep you stuck. Don’t take this as it’s your fault. Take the perspective that there is some belief, behavior, or habit that you hold that has somehow invited any given experience into your life. On the most basic level, if you go to put on your pants tomorrow and they don’t fit you can appreciate that your eating habits may have created that experience. As you acknowledge that truth you can make different choices.

A caution sign is not a stop sign.

“If you have the combination to the lock it doesn’t matter who you are; it has to open for you.” – Orrin C Hudson, Chess Champion

A lot of the times we let fear or hiccups in the road stop us dead in our tracks. A caution sign doesn’t mean stop. It means to proceed slowing and on alert. Everything you want that you don’t have is stepping outside of your comfort zone. It is moving cautiously when it feels safer to stop. Confidence is successfully stepping outside of your comfort zone. It is successfully taking a risk. When you do the risky thing and you come out okay your confidence grows. How you respond to caution signs and other risky events impacts your life.

Avoid things that weaken you.

Jack did an interesting experiment where he invited a woman on stage. Her name was Jazz. Jack instructed Jazz to hold out her left arm parallel to the ground. She had to hold it tight so that when he tried to push it down it wouldn’t break. Jack asked Jazz what her name was. She answered, “Jazz”. Jack pushed on her arm. It stayed up. Jack asked Jazz to give another name and again asked her what her name was. I don’t recall her fake name but she gave one. Jack pressed on her arm again and it dropped. The lesson? Lying weakens you. There were several other demonstrations Jack walked Jazz through. Here’s what you need to know:

Things that weaken you:

  • Lying
  • Saying, “I can’t”
  • Focusing on your failures
  • Criticism and judgment
  • Focusing on yourself

Things that strengthen you:

  • The Truth
  • Saying, “I can”
  • Focusing on your successes
  • Support and appreciation
  • Focusing on service to others

Focus on things that strengthen you. Shield yourself from negative and judgmental energy using your mind. Visualize yourself surrounded by a light that protects you from negativity.

Eliminate “I can’ts” from your life. What are 5 “I can’ts” you’ve been saying to yourself that you resolve to stop saying today? (I can’t lose weight. I can’t get promoted. I can’t find love). Write them down then tear them up!

You have to give up all blaming. You have to stop complaining. Complaining and blaming are responses to events (see above) that don’t make a difference. They have no impact.

You also have to give up all excuses. You have to be solution minded. In other words, don’t make excuses for why things are or aren’t a certain way. Spend your mental energy focused on solutions to shift the way things are or are not.

“It doesn’t take any more effort to dream a big dream than it does to dream a small dream.” – General Wesley Clark

Make the vision real

“Visualize all of your goals and results as already complete…twice a day!” – Jack Canfield

Visualize your goals twice a day everyday. You can’t skip a day. Your performance matches your dominant vision. That’s why visualization is so important. Feel the feelings you would feel if you already had what you want.

“Enough action produces satisfaction.”

Don’t just visualize though. You have to take action as well. This has always been my issue with manifestation. It implies that you don’t have to do anything, but that’s not true. You “manifest” everything you want by taking action. Winners take action.

Share your vision. Sharing your vision is powerful. It makes it more real. The Power of Intention is squared. You have to get in alignment with other people.

Write your goals down. Writing down your goals increases your chance of success by 1100%. Only 4% of people who do not write down goals actually follow through. This compares to 44% of people who do write their goals down following through. You have a much greater chance of accomplishing what you want to accomplish if you write your goals down.

The law of probability says that the more things you try the more likely something will work. As you are moving towards your vision and find yourself struggling to bring it to pass ask yourself, “What haven’t I tried?” There is always something you haven’t tried.

As always there is so much more that I could share from the event but I will stop here. These are my three biggest takeaways. Start implementing these into your daily life today so you too can get to great.

To read about my experience at other personal growth events check out the articles below:

Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power Within

Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder

Tony Gaskins’ Balanced Life Conference

To learn more about how you can get to great I invite you to apply for a complimentary Transform Your Life clarity session at www.transformwithcharlene.com.

Live A Balanced Life: Lessons in Life, Love, and Business

Todaycharlene-dior-tony-gaskins-jr I attended The Balanced Life Conference hosted by Tony A Gaskins, Jr. I’m a big fan of Tony’s work. Check out my favorite Tony Gaskins’ quotes. As always I like to recap some of my key takeaways when I attend various events and seminars. When I learn, you learn. The structure of the conference was split into three areas so I’ll follow that same format with this recap.


You are the CEO of your life. You get to say who in your life gets promoted, demoted or terminated. Don’t keep the wrong people in your life. Think of it like a balance sheet. You have assets and you have liabilities. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left hand side write “Assets.” One the left hand side write “Liabilities.” Now think of ALL the people in your life and put them in a category. Where do they fall?

I would even encourage you to take this a step further and think of everything in your life beyond just people. What about your spending habits? What foods do you eat? What TV shows do you watch? What does your home library look like? What do you do with your spare time? These things can also be assets or liabilities for you.

Once you have your balance sheet completed you need to assess it. Protect your space. Tony says, “Anything in my space has to elevate me. It has to bring me peace.” Are there some things in your space that do not elevate you or bring you peace? It’s time to promote, demote, or terminate some people AND things in your life.

“You are on a climb everyday of your life. You cannot get to the top with dead weight.” – Tony A Gaskins, Jr.

You can’t get to the top with dead weight. You can’t get to the top with people who do not want to climb. You cannot get to the top with people, things, attitudes, etc. that pull you down. Are you going to go up or stay down with everyone who doesn’t want to climb?

Everything you do in life is sowing a seed. EVERYTHING. This includes what you say, how you spend your time and money, how you feed your mind and body. Every single day we are all sowing seeds into our futures. Either you are sowing on good ground or you are sowing on stony ground. Stony ground doesn’t produce a harvest.

This was an interesting story. Tony was talking about how his mother called him saying that her lights were about to get cut off. Mind you, Tony gives her a monthly stipend so she doesn’t have to work. Yet she blows through it every month and asks for more money, Tony Gaskins generally obliges and gives his mother hundreds or even thousands more than her agreed upon monthly stipend.

“Some people don’t want a hand up. They want a hand out.” – Tony A Gaskins, Jr.

Eventually he’s like, “I can’t keep doing this.” He was sowing seeds on stony ground. People never appreciate what they don’t have to work for. He could have been investing his extra money in stocks or real estate or his kids’ education. Anyway, his mom then calls a neighbor and tells him that her lights are about to get cut off. The neighbor replies, “If the Lord let’s your lights get cut off He must have something he wants to tell you in the dark.” 😂


It’s important to love yourself. Tony says that “if you don’t know how to love yourself someone will come into your life and show you how to hate yourself.” Amen! I think we’ve all seen this happen real-love-by-tony-gaskins-jrto someone close to us. Perhaps we are the ones it happened to. I know I’ve been in a relationship that made me question who I was. When you don’t know who you are anyone can make you what they want you to be for them. I can’t stress it enough. You have to know who you are and love who you are.

Tony Gaskins’ definition of loving yourself means “working on yourself, improving yourself, and setting standards.” At the same time, don’t confuse preferences with standards. It’s a delicate balance we have to play when it comes to love. You don’t want to miss out on a potentially great partner by making preferences standards. You also don’t want to compromise to the point that you lose yourself.

Someone in the audience asked a question about attracting who you are. Tony clarified and said, “Who you settle for is a reflection of who you are.” It’s not attracting the person that represents who you are. We can all have random drug dealers, robbers, or whomever attracted to us. It’s who we settle for that reflects upon who we are and what we believe about ourselves. That’s why personal growth is so important. If you have settled for a partner that doesn’t meet your needs or who doesn’t treat you how you want to be treated you have to look at yourself. Take a good, long look at yourself and be honest about what you see. What part of you is reflected in your partner? What part of you attracted and settled for them?

“Love changed my life.” – Tony A Gaskins Jr.

Love the way the other person needs to be loved. Seek to understand then to be understood. Hear each other out. Then take action. Don’t just have these heart felt conversation about your needs and wants and then do nothing. Act on what you learn about your partner’s needs.

Tony says to prepare for war in a time of peace. This means to bring things up when things are good not in the midst of a heated argument about something totally different. If your partner isn’t meeting your needs in some way have a genuine conversation with them in a peaceful environment. Start with “I feel” statements. Not “you don’t” statements.

Tony used this great analogy of people being trees. We’re all trees. When you cut your partner (especially a man) down you are making them weaker. You are stunting their growth. Don’t cut each other down. Build each other up so you can grow and stand tall.

“Any man I meet that I’m more successful than it’s because I love (honor, respect) my wife more.” – Tony A Gaskins, Jr.

What is recognized and reinforced will be repeated. In addition to talking it out with your spouse recognize the times that they do meet your needs and reinforce it so that it will be repeated.

If you are confident in your skin it doesn’t matter how long or short your hair is. You don’t have to do anything other than be yourself to attract and keep a man. You don’t need butt implants and lip injections. Look in the mirror and fall in love with that person. Fall in love with who you really are.


tony-gaskins-autographHere are Tony Gaskins’ tips on business and branding:

Take the time to identify your natural gifts. What can you do that no one around you can do as well? If you can’t think of anything what are you passionate about?

You can expand everything you do. You can write a book about it. You can consult on it. You can speak about it. You can expand everything you do. I think he said he has 30-40 income streams.

If it doesn’t feel right to you don’t do it. It doesn’t matter if a coach told you to do it. It doesn’t matter if someone more successful told you to do it. If it doesn’t feel right to you, don’t do it.

Build your own blueprint. This aligns with the statement above. Build what feels right and makes sense to you. Think logically.

Whatever you do, add purpose to it.

Create balance by putting everything on the calendar. Tony puts things like, “Rub [wife’s] feet” and “Run [wife’s] bath water” on his calendar. He also blocks off his kids’ birthdays and will turn down any events that fall on those days.

“It does you no good to have the most successful business and lose your wife or family.” – Tony A Gaskins, Jr.

A part of business is just taking those steps. You have to just keeping taking steps.

Tony is a hustler. I asked him how he got his first book to take off. One thing he said is that he pitched to Oprah, Tyra Banks, and CNN every single day for years. He ended up on the Oprah show after the Chris Brown and Rihanna incident because his book spoke about toxic relationships (the book wasn’t mentioned on the show) and he had experience and knowledge in that area.

Again, it’s just taking those steps day after day for years.

Don’t ever feel inadequate.

“I will be for who I’m for. I’m not for everyone but I will help who I was called to help.” – Tony A Gaskins, Jr.

All in all it was a great event and I’d highly recommend it to anyone who wants to grow in their life, relationship or business. Tony said so many great things about life, love and marriage, and business. I can’t capture it all here, but if you have a chance to go to one of his events you should go. It’s a little on CP (Colored People) time if I can be honest. I’m a very on time person so I definitely notice things like that. Other than that it was great. Tony Gaskins is a really good man. He is so personable and down to earth. He is very transparent. He cares about the work that he is doing. I loved that about him. As I was walking up to check in he was walking out of the event room. I said, “Hi!” and he stopped to chat with me and shake my hand. He’s the real deal. He’s genuine.

To read about other personal growth events I’ve attended check out the links below:

Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power Within

Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder

Jack Canfield’s One Day to Greatness

To learn more about how you can create a balanced life of your own apply for a complimentary Transform Your Life clarity session at www.transformwithcharlene.com.