FCTB023: You Are Meant To Transform (How A Caterpillar Becomes A Butterfly)

Today’s episode embodies everything that I stand for – this podcast and blog, my commitment to continuous growth and transformation, my calling as a coach, and my own experiences as a person.

The caterpillar is a very good reminder that we are not supposed to stay the same and we are meant to grow in every aspect of our lives. If you’ve been following the podcast, you’d know that I have gone through a transformation which prompted me to take this path where I guide other women towards their growth and transformation towards the best version of themselves.

It is that process, or life cycle, that I would like to zero-in on in this episode, where I talked about:

  • How an unfulfilled job and unhappy life became the trigger that led me to real estate investing, wealth building and personal growth (1:40).
  • How real estate investing built me up then let me down, and how that ride gave me the biggest epiphany in life through a mug in a bookstore (3:25).
  • Memories from childhood and growing up that drove me to be cautious and not want to be seen (5:25).
  • How self-reflection, investing in self-growth and being real to myself changed me and led me to where I am today (8:17).
  • The butterflies’ literal and metaphorical life cycle starting from birth / being eggs (12:34).
  • Why caterpillars need to eat, grow and shed, and what these 3 key biological functions represent in the human experience (12:53).
  • The importance of finding a secure spot to grow during the cocoon stage, and how personal growth events and coaching provide this sense of security (17:01).
  • How the caterpillar knows and realizes that it’s time to go into the cocoon (18:09).
  • The process of metamorphosis where caterpillars go through a physical transformation to becoming butterflies, and how this change is manifested in people (20:40).
  • What are tell-tale signs signifying that a person is afraid of growth (24:12).
  • My modern parable of the dead caterpillars (25:16).

We are all caterpillars, and we might not know we’re meant to become butterflies – to be so much more than we are. We go through life not knowing what’s in store for us, but it is up to us to listen to our hearts and our instincts and be ready for growth when the signals are prompting you.

I want to hear from you. Which part of the butterfly life cycle are you in? What are you taking action on now? Send me an email at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com or share your feedback in the comments section.

You can find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. You can also subscribe to the podcast via Patreon and receive bonus content, first dibs to episodes, discounts, and perks. Remember to leave the podcast a rating and review on the platform you’re listening to. This allows us to reach more people and move up the rankings. If what you listened to today has been useful for you, feel free to share it with other too.

Thank you for taking the time to listen, and I appreciate all your support. Until next time!


FCTB008: Expand Your Vision to Expand Your Life

Expand Your VisionAs we start a new year, I believe that this subject I will be tackling on this week’s podcast is quite timely. Today, I will discuss vision, and the need to expand our visions to accommodate something greater into our lives. The new year is a great time as any to start planning, improving and envisioning our goals, short-term, and especially the long-term ones.

Oprah said that we must “Create the highest grandest vision possible for your life because you become what you believe”. This is something I have always believed in. People tend to slack off with their goals. In fact, research shows that most people will have abandoned their new year’s resolutions by February. When we do set goals they are often short-term, rarely long-term. You can accomplish so much more in the long run than you can in the short run. That’s why it’s important to train yourself to see further into the future. Expand your vision so you can expand your life.

In line with last week’s subject of personal growth, today, we understand the concept of expanding our vision and learn:

  • How expanding our vision gives way to us expanding our life (0:38), and what the bible says about not having and not asking (0:44).
  • Everything is created twice, that it must be perceived in our minds first and then materialize in our reality (0:55; 1:02).
  • How limited vision causes uninspired lives (1:10; 1:26).
  • My tips on how to expand our vision by:
  • Broadening our horizons and turning off the autopilot of our lives (1:57).
  • Setting long-term goals for the next 3, 5, even 10 years (4:55) with some stories I shared that made me realize and appreciate the vision I created for myself (6:58; 9:02).
  • Purposefully trying new things to get a new perspective on things and life (10:20).
  • Paying attention to our emotions as these can easily reveal the parts of our lives that need for us to think bigger and grander (12:14).
  • Bringing the vision to life by acting towards the vision (13:39).
  • Furthering it even more by doubling our visions (16:02).
  • A favorite Bible verse of mine that discusses vision and what it teaches us about pursuing our goals and vision (18:00).
  • How to keep patient and learn to wait when our visions are stalled inevitably (22:02).

I hope this episode inspires you to dream big and think big. I’d appreciate if you’d also share your thoughts on this subject, I’d love to hear from you!

Finally, thanks for listening to my podcast! Show your support by subscribing and providing this podcast a rating and/or review. You can find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, and Stitcher. Additionally, we’re on Patreon. Sponsor us for additional resources to help you transform your life! For more, follow me on social media, on Facebook and Twitter.



Video: Coaching – Take Your Life From Good to Great

“Life Coaching is your opportunity to take your life from good to great.”

Hi there! I’m Charlene, certified life coach and founder of fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com.

Have you wanted something for your life that you just couldn’t seem to achieve? At one point or another I think we all have. I was talking to a woman today who said that she feels like she fails every year. Why? Because you sets goals for herself, she starts off great, and then fizzles out. She never accomplishes her goals. Can you relate?

I believe your life is transformed by the consistent, disciplined actions that you take on a regular basis. It’s not some magical, spontaneous event. It’s a series of recurring, maybe even mundane, actions that you take. If you can’t stay in action, you can’t transform your life.

This is where accountability comes in. Accountability is one of the most powerful aspects of coaching. Research shows that the chances of accomplishing a goal increases to 95% when you have an appointment with an accountability partner or coach. 95%!

How would you like to accomplish 95% of your goals?

Accountability and coaching is the answer.

Coaching can also help you lead a more balanced life. Sometimes we’re so in the routine of life that we never step back to assess what’s going on. Am I happy? Am I focused on the things that matter most to me? Working with a coach can help you be more mindful about how you spend your time and about the choices you make.

Another benefit is achieving personal fulfillment. Ultimately, what we all want is to be fulfilled. We just don’t know how to get there. We don’t do the inner work to understand what fulfillment even means to us and how our daily lives align with our specific idea of fulfillment.

I could go on and on about the benefits of coaching.

In a nutshell, coaching is a journey, a journey that takes you from where you are to where you want to be. This journey involves self-discovery. It involves transforming your thoughts and your habits so that you can transform your life. It’s learning how to get out of your own way and to finally stop the self sabotage. Coaching is a journey that is unique to you that unleashes the unique strengths and desires inside of you. It’s a journey to the real you.

It’s a journey from good to great.

Or maybe even not-so-good to good.

Oprah Winfrey has been said to have four coaches. Tony Robbins himself said that he has three. I have a coach and my coach has a coach. It’s not a matter of if you should partner with a professional coach to create a balanced, fulfilling, authentic and influential life. It’s a matter of who will you work with?

Are you ready to take your life from good to great? I invite you to sign up for a private, complimentary Transform Your Life clarity call with me @ www.transformwithcharlene.com. Let’s chat about where you are versus where you want to be and if I’m the right coach to guide you on your journey.

To Learn More About Coaching Read These Related Articles:

Frequently Asked Questions About Investing in A Life Coach

7 Powerful Stories of How Life Coaching Changes Lives

19 Life Changing Lessons From Amazing Life Coaches

26 Things Your Life Coach Would Tell You (if you had one)

One-On-One Life Coaching With Charlene

Could You Be Sabotaging Your Own Success?

Self Sabotage

Could it be possible, if only just a little that you sabotage your own success? We like to think that the enemy is somewhere out there. Somewhere outside of ourselves. Fortunately, that’s not the case more often than not. Fortunately, we are the biggest thing holding us back. Fortunately, we can change that.

How do you sabotage yourself?

1. You make goals and then don’t accomplish them.

In fact, you don’t even get close. You start and stop. Then start and stop again. That is if you even start at all. Don’t let your new year’s resolution become your new decade resolution. What’s a new decade resolution? It’s where you set the same goal year after year after year. You never accomplish it. You don’t make any headway. Come January 1st, you announce to everyone your (old) new year’s resolution.  You have been resolving to accomplish the same goal for so long a decade has passed. Or close to it.

2. You RSVP for events that can transform your life and then don’t show up.

How many times have you come across a really great event, signed your name on the dotted line professing to be there, and then not show up? Or maybe you’ve been planning on joining an organization, you told your best girlfriend you would check out the next meeting, yet you never do? You say things like, “I’m too tired to go.” What you’re really doing is sabotaging yourself. Honor your first decision. Honor the decision you made when your imagination was full with possibilities.

3. You buy books you don’t read.

You want to change your life. You really want to improve this particular area. You want to create something new in your life. You come across what could be a life-changing book. You buy it, browse the table of contents and then use it as a coaster on your night table. You convince yourself that you will get to it “someday”. Someday never comes. Read the book already! Books you don’t read can’t improve your life.

“It isn’t what the book costs; it’s what it will cost you if you don’t read it.” Jim Rohn

4. You put yourself last.

How can you ever achieve success if you never give yourself permission to be successful? Everyone else has your permission to follow their heart’s desire. Yet, you don’t give yourself the opportunity to follow your own heart’s desire. You say that you’ll focus on you once everyone else is settled. Here’s the truth you need to accept: no one is ever settled unless they’re in the grave. Stop waiting on someone else’s life to “settle” before you live yours.

5. You talk yourself out of everything.

You decide and then un-decide. You think of a million things that could go wrong. Deep inside you want to move forward, but you let fear stop you. You’re afraid to take chance, make a wrong decision, or waste your time and money. You would move forward in a heartbeat if you knew everything would work out right. But you don’t know. You’ll never know. You’re not a psychic.

“Whenever you’re making an important decision, first ask if it gets you closer to your goals or farther away. If the answer is closer, pull the trigger. If it’s further away, make a different choice. Conscious choice making is a critical step in making your dreams a reality.” – Jillian Michaels

7. You don’t accept help.

You can’t do it all by yourself. No one can. You don’t know everything. You don’t have time to do everything. You will need help from other people. Every time you turn down help you could actually use, you are sabotaging your own success. You are standing in your own way by not getting out of the way and letting someone else step in.

What it all boils down to is this: You don’t even give yourself a fighting chance to accomplish your dreams. You stand in your own way. You pull yourself down whenever you attempt to rise up. Anytime you make a decision that drives you away from your goals you are sabotaging yourself. When you spend un-budgeted money despite your goal of buying a house, you are sabotaging yourself. When you eat junk food despite “trying” to lose weight, you are sabotaging yourself. When you refuse help that would move you forward you are sabotaging yourself.  When you don’t equip yourself with the knowledge and inspiration to tackle your dreams, you are sabotaging yourself. The only way you will truly accomplish the highest vision you have for your life is by learning to get out of your own way.

So now what?

If this resonates with you at all and you know you are the only person that is holding you back I invite you to a complimentary, Transform Your Life Clarity call with me. We will work together to identify ways you’ve been sabotaging yourself, what to do about it, and how to finally get unstuck. Sign up here: Transform Your Life Clarity Call


7 Powerful Stories of How Life Coaching Transforms Lives

Accomplish your dreams, discover the real you, love yourself, transform your live.

Accomplish your dreams, discover the real you, love yourself, transform your live.

Kerry Washington has a great quote that I love. She says, “My brain and my heart are really important to me. I don’t know why I wouldn’t seek help to have those things be as healthy as my teeth. I go to the dentist. So why wouldn’t I go to a shrink?”

Understand, seeing a shrink (or therapist) is not the same as working with a life coach. Therapists focus on the past and how you’ve gotten to this point in your life. Life coaches focus on where you are now, where you want to be and how to get there.  Even as a life coach I love that quote. The concept is the same. I take care of my teeth. I take care of my body. I join 30 day squat and smoothies challenges. I want to snatch my waist. Why shouldn’t I take care of my future, my vision? Why shouldn’t I “snatch” my life?

Life Coaching changes lives. I know this for a fact. It’s still a new concept. Most people have never considered partnering with a professional on their goals, but a lot of successful people routinely invest in coaches.  If you’ve never considered investing in a life coach of your own these powerful stories will make you reconsider. Hear from 7 real people who achieved real results through the power of coaching.

Tools to deal with life

“I know I won’t see Cathy for more than a few months, but the time spent with her is building the foundation for a healthier life.

I’ve learned to value my thoughts and work, and trust my intuition rather than ignore it. Cathy taught me that I already have all the answers to my problems, and I simply have to listen to find a solution. Using positive affirmations and daily writing exercises, my anxiety levels have dropped. I feel that after leaving Cathy, I’ll have the proper tools to deal with stress.”  – IT HAPPENED TO ME: A Life Coach Actually Changed My Life

Abundance, joy, and fulfillment

“…working with a life coach isn’t just a nice-to-have. For me, and for just about every highly successful person I know, it’s an essential. It keeps us thinking big and moving that vision forward…I actually transformed every aspect of my life in those ten months and set out on a path that would bring me much abundance, joy, and fulfillment…” – Why I Happily Pay my Life Coach the Big Bucks

Happier Career

“My brother and dad had both seen a life coach named David whom they loved. They cautioned that he was eccentric, but great…He didn’t encourage me to stay or to go, he simply helped me to isolate the essential issues and gave me some questions to think about….That was over three years ago, and I am happier at my job now than I have ever been.” – My Visit to a Life Coach

Calmness and Happiness

“In the months since I finished my sessions with Yatros, I passed my one-year anniversary of being back in New York. My career has stabilized (by freelance standards), I’m finding time to see my friends, and my boyfriend and I are moving in together. I’m calmer and happier than I’ve been since I can remember.” – I Hired a Millennial Life Coach

Personal Integrity

“I gave my husband back massages; we had more sex than we’d had in a long time; my son started to recognize the right way to hold his board books; my daughter seemed to be whining less. The cloud of happiness and self-confidence gathering under my feet, Gerber said, was the result of living in “personal integrity.”…But I’m so grateful to have a blueprint for redirecting my energies in a productive direction, to know that following it calms and comforts me. Especially when you’re in a crisis, when everything seems dire and impossible, the promises are like a path to safety. The action-oriented approach has also taken root in ways that seem irrevocable.” – Life Coaching: Better than Therapy?

Take Control

I’m getting stronger and better everyday. Women are conditioned to be caretakers. We struggle to see our contribution as something to be compensated for rather than just appreciated.” – HOW A LIFE COACH TAUGHT ME TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY WORTH

Concrete Steps

“I didn’t walk away suddenly feeling cured or awakened. Instead, I had lists of concrete steps and actions to do in reaction to whatever my brain was fixated on…overall, I’m happy with where I am.” – 3 Things I Learned from My Life Coach

Want to learn more about how life coaching can transform your life?  Schedule a complimentary, private Transform Your Life Clarity session with me.

Transform Your Life Clarity Call

Additional Resources:

Frequently Asked Questions About Investing in A Life Coach

19 Life Changing Lessons From Amazing Life Coaches

26 Things Your Life Coach Would Tell You (if you had one)

One-On-One Life Coaching With Charlene

Video: Coaching – Take Your Life From Good to Great

4 Ways to Coach Yourself to Success

4 Ways to Coach Yourself to Success

4 Ways to Coach Yourself to Success

Successful people have coaches.

I’ve heard it said that Oprah Winfrey has (or had) four coaches. I have a coach and my coach has a coach. I repeat, “Successful people have coaches.” There’s no other way around it.

I don’t know everything. Plus, I know that I bring insecurities and baggage from my past into my present. I also know that it makes no sense to be held back by things that I can change. I hate to see people staying stuck and not living their highest vision due to some aspect of their being that can be overcome. That’s why I started life coaching. That’s why I have a coach.

I have a business coach to help me take my coaching business to the next level. I need the business skills and exposure she brings to me. I need the accountability and the network of like minded people. I need the ongoing training and support.

I have a fitness coach. Now I admit, I know exactly what to do to stay healthy. The problem is I dun wanna! Lol. I’m not that girl who loves to hit the gym for hours and eat kale salads. Actually, I do love a good kale salad, but that’s besides the point. My fitness coach keeps me accountable to the vision for my health and body that I have. I made a good (financial) investment to have her work out with me every Saturday, keep track of my progress, cheer me on and send me meal plans. Sometimes (ok, ok a lot of the times) the only time I work out is Saturday mornings with her. And you know what? I’ve made great progress!


Happy dance! Happy dance!

My next coach will be a relationship coach. I’ve always been fortunate to earn a decent living and I’m very grateful for that. I thank God for my financial blessings. As a single woman desiring marriage and kids it also holds me back at times. I’ve out earned every man I’ve dated. Not that I have a problem with it or look down on these men. I just have little tolerance for other things that pop up. In my mind I’m thinking, “I’m not putting up with this. He don’t have no time AND he don’t have no money.” Lol. Don’t judge me. I know I have this thing to work out between being an financially independent woman and being a loving, supportive partner. I’m not there yet, but it’s my next stop.

The International Coaching Federation (ICF) did a study among people who had been coached. The results were extremely compelling that coaching makes a difference. 99% of respondents said they were “Satisfied” or “Very Satisfied” with the process. 96% said they would do it again.

This isn’t some smoke and mirrors, voodoo show. Coaching is valuable stuff. It changes lives, businesses, and relationships. It can change yours too.

Ok. So, you’re in. You have drunk the kool-aid. You believe in the power of coaching.

Yay! Yippee!

You want to know how you can leverage this awesome power for yourself. I got you. Here’s 4 ways you can coach yourself to success:

  1. Create a Daily Goals Journal – At the beginning of each day (or the night before) write down the goals you have and keep them in your mind throughout the day. At night revisit the goals taking note of what progress you made towards your goal. What did you do well? Where did you fall short? What’s your plan for improving? Overtime you’ll notice measurable progress towards your goals if you are consistent. <<Download my free Daily Goals Journal>>
  2. Create a Life Balance Wheel – This helps you identify areas in your life where you are unbalanced. Being unbalanced may show up as relationship problems, burnout, or just general dissatisfaction with life. Once you know where you currently stand make concentrated effort to re-balance your life. Shift your time and effort around to create a balance that you feel good about. The goal isn’t to be equal across all areas. That’s impossible. Being satisfied/content is possible and that’s the goal. Learn more about the Life Balance Wheel and download one for yourself in the Transformation Zone.
  3. Write your IT Statement. IT stands for Inspiring and Transformational. It’s your personal manifesto. It’s the thing that inspires you when you want to give up and leads you to your place of transformation. It is a series of statements that define who you, what you want, and where you’re going. See my IT Statement. To get you started fill in the blanks below:
    1. I AM _______________
    2. I HAVE _____________
    3. I WANT _____________
    4. I BELIEVE ___________
    5. I AM CAPABLE OF _____________
    6. I DESERVE ___________________
  4. Practice the RAMP method – RAMP stands for Reflect, Avoid, Move, Persist.
    1. You start with Reflection. I recommend journaling. Ask yourself where you are in life right now. How do you feel about that? Where would you rather be or where do you want to go next? Finish this sentence, “Wouldn’t it be great if….”
    2. Next you Avoid. This actually involves some reflection as well. What are some pitfalls you’ve fallen to before? What holds you back? What could hold you back? Now devise a strategy to overcome. For example, I mentioned that I have a specific vision for my health. As a result, I don’t buy snacks or sodas for my house. If I snack on something it’s because I’m not at home. I still enjoy “junk” food. I just don’t over indulge, because it’s not around. No mindless or boredom eating at my house. That’s my Avoid strategy.
    3. Move. With all the reflecting and strategizing it’s time to actually take action. What are you going to do? What steps will you take? Plan your work and work you plan during the Move phase.
    4. Persist. You’re going to want to quit. If you don’t want to quit your vision is big enough. This is the stage where your tenacity and resolve come into play. How will you persist? What’s your strategy for when the Move actions aren’t yielding results? This might include calling up an accountability partner, reading motivational material, or pulling out your IT statement. Even if you take a break, eventually you need to find your way back to the Persist stage.
    5. Once you’ve accomplished your goal or if you change your goal start all over again.
    6.  << Download RAMP Worksheet >>

You can combine any of the four life coaching techniques above. They work well together and in some cases they actually build upon each other. For example, once you’ve completed the Life Balance Wheel you may want to leverage the Daily Goals Journal as you work to create balance in your life. The Life Balance Wheel and the IT Statement can be created during the Reflect phase of the RAMP Method. The Daily Goals Journal can be used during the Move phase to assess your daily movements. As mentioned previously, the IT Statement can be a source of motivation during the Persist stage.

Want more tips and techniques?

<< Download my free How to Coach Yourself to Success audio training>>

Wait, what? What did you think? “All that sounds complicated”?

Okay. Relax. I have another option for you.

Here’s my calendar. Plop some time on this beauty for us to chat. I offer a complimentary “Love Your Life” clarity call that I invite you to sign up for. Hey, you made it this far. Why not?

During this call you and I (yes, me personally) will work together to:

=> Create a crystal clear vision of your highest, grandest vision so you know exactly what you want, where you’re headed, and what you need to do to make it happen.

=> Uncover hidden challenges (i.e. baggage) that may be sabotaging your ability to achieve what you really want.

=> Leave you re-energized and encouraged by Life’s possibilities that await you.

=> Explore opportunities for how we can work together on an ongoing basis to help you experience the breakthrough you’ve been yearning for.

Here’s that calendar again: Your Life Clarity Session


The most important thing….

The most important thing is to take action. Whatever you do next make sure it’s not nothing. Choose one of the 4 techniques above. Choose one of the techniques I discussed on the audio training. Sign up for my one on one life coaching session, Love Your Life. Find your own coaching strategies. Find another life coach you resonate with better. Whatever. I’m cool with whatever you do next as long as you do something. Just don’t let this be an article you read on a website that soon turns into a memory. Let this moment be a new beginning for you. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t at least a little bit interested in creating some type of transformation in your life.

I tell people, “When you don’t reach for a vision you have for your life you’re missing out on a lot more than that particular vision.” Think about. When you’ve achieved something you don’t stop aspiring. You just expand your awareness of what’s possible and set your eyes on a new, bigger vision. Once you lose 3 pounds you strive to lose 3 more pounds. If you never lose the first 3 then you’ll never lose the second 3. That’s how it is with all your goals. Reach for what’s in your heart now, so that you can achieve what you’ve never even dreamed of (yet) later.

Stop leaving possibilities on the table of Life. You owe it to yourself, to your family, and to the world. Take action right now!

Additional Resources:

Frequently Asked Questions About Investing in A Life Coach

7 Powerful Stories of How Life Coaching Changes Lives

19 Life Changing Lessons From Amazing Life Coaches

26 Things Your Life Coach Would Tell You (if you had one)

One-On-One Life Coaching With Charlene

Video: Coaching – Take Your Life From Good to Great

What I’m leaving behind in 2015

Things I'm leaving in 2015

The end of one year and the beginning of another is always a great time to reflect on life. 2015 has been a good year for me. I’ve explored new things, met new people and traveled a bit. I’ve also collected a ton of physical, emotional, and psychological “junk” throughout the year. There are things, people, and stories that cannot go with me into 2015. Here’s what I’m leaving behind in 2015.

  1. Unnecessary Junk – I’ve spent the last few days going through my house and getting rid of things I no longer need or use. The result has been less cluttered closets, pantries, and cabinets. I now stand in front of my kitchen pantry and I am amazed at how clean and organized it is. From tons of food that expired years ago to grocery bags and reusable bags stuffed wherever they would fit it was a mess! It is refreshing to walk through a space that is free from clutter. It just does something to you. Your psyche is improved. Your spirit is lifted. You are more aligned with your true self as you are not constantly distracted and overwhelmed with stuff. I’m leaving the unnecessary junk, the unworn clothes and the unused gadgets behind in 2015. I’m creating space in my house and in my mind for clarity. After all, a cluttered house is a cluttered mind.
  2. Self – Doubt – I’ve struggled with this for years although I’ve gotten better over time. *Writing and rewriting the same email, making sure it’s phrased just right, making sure I don’t look stupid. *Doubting my ideas and my opinions, thinking that I must have it 100% together before I say or do anything. *Doubting my progress and accomplishments. ALL THIS STOPS. Self doubt is like a prison cell that keeps you locked away from your dreams, your confidence, your happiness and your life. I don’t want to be a prisoner to my doubts anymore. I’m breaking loose!
  3. Letting the good get in the way of the great – A lot of times we settle for good enough. We don’t want to be greedy. “Nothing is ever perfect so why keep striving when what I have now is good? ” We stop short of great because this right here is good enough for us. In 2016, I am not settling for good when great is just as possible. Settling is staying in 2015.
  4. The people, events, and circumstances that didn’t turn out as expected – I will rerun an event in my head a million times. What they did. What I did. What I should have done. What I should have said. What I’ll say to them if I ever see them again (which never happens anyway). I think about the ex boyfriend who didn’t put in much effort past the first three months of our relationship. “Why couldn’t he just stay the same and be consistent?” I think about the boss who fired me (that witch) and that happened a long time ago!  Think about how much head space goes to events that are long over.  If it didn’t work, it just didn’t work out. There’s nothing wrong with that. Devoting ongoing time and energy on the things that didn’t work out is unwise. I’m clearing out the stories I have had running through my mind so that I have more mental space for ideas, planning, and personal growth.

What about you? What are you leaving behind in 2015? What things do you need to let go of so you can receive something new?

Why Is It So Hard to Transform Your Life?

We all struggle with accomplishing our goals. Not just any goal. We struggle to accomplish the goals we really, really want. Whether that is losing weight, finding a better job, or learning to overcome a debilitating fear. These are important, admirable goals that can really transform our lives if accomplished. So what holds us back?

Our minds. Yes, your mind holds you back from living your dream life.

“But how can that be? My mind envisioned the dream to begin with?”

You’re probably thinking that. Well, your mind consists of two main parts and sometimes they go at it like Cain and Abel. The conscious mind is where we plan, make goals, and envision a better life. Your subconscious mind is where a lot of deep rooted habits, beliefs, and motives reside. You see, your conscious mind says, “I want to lose weight and be healthy.” Your subconscious mind is so used to doing what it’s always done, eating the foods it’s always eaten, doing the level of physical activity it’s always done so you tend to revert back to those old habits. To add an additional layer, most of the time we have no idea what’s really programmed in our subconscious. That’s why I said deep rooted.

“If my conscious mind and my subconscious are at odds why does my subconscious mind always seem to win?” 

Great question. Your two minds aren’t evenly distributed 50/50. One takes up a greater portion of your total mind power. Can you guess which one? Yep, your subconscious mind has a greater influence on the actions you take everyday to the tune of 88%. Yes, your subconscious mind makes up 88% of your total mind power leaving just 12% to your conscious mind. You can imagine how this would be problematic right? Every time you want to accomplish something new your subconscious has the potential to be a huge obstacle preventing you from moving forward.

The Iceberg Holding Back Your Dreams

The subconscious mind is really a helper. It’s not this evil thing we have to get rid of. I liken it to tying your shoes. When you first learned how to tie your shoes you completed this activity from your conscious mind. You were 100% present and thoughtful while tying the shoelaces. You probably even took great effort to tie the perfect bow repeating this step many times before moving forward. Today, tying your shoes is likely a subconscious function. It happens so automatically you probably don’t even remember doing it. To that end, your subconscious mind helps you. Do you really need to be in deep, concentrated thought to tie your shoes?

And that is how it happens. Your conscious mind is purposeful, intentional, present and focused. It learns and masters a belief or behavior and then the subconscious mind takes over (if we let it). The role of the subconscious is to automate the process, the belief, or the behavior. Your subconscious doesn’t think critically. It just does. It doesn’t understand good vs. bad. It takes whatever patterns or recurrences it is notices and automates them. If you tell yourself you are incapable of living your dream life over and over again your subconscious will take that belief and automate it. If you come home everyday and plop on the couch with your favorite chips your subconscious mind will automate that behavior as well.

A lot of the beliefs and patterns that are programmed into our subconscious were programmed years or even decades ago. Perhaps, somebody said something negative about you, maybe even multiple times as you were growing up and you started to believe them. Or maybe every time you tried out for the cheerleading squad or dance team you were never selected. So then you started to tell yourself you didn’t have what it took. Maybe you decided it was pointless to aspire to do anything or to be anybody. The truth is these things happen to everybody. Every single person you know has been told something about themselves that wasn’t true. We’ve all been put down, discouraged, and hurt. Everybody has been rejected from something at some point.

“If that’s the case and everybody experiences it, why do some people get stuck while others still achieve their dreams?”

Your subconscious can and likely does have positive beliefs as well.  If every time someone said something discouraging and insulting to you another person came behind them and told you you can do whatever you put your mind to, you probably would have different beliefs about yourself programmed in your subconscious. Likewise, if you didn’t make the cheerleading squad and a loving person sat down with you to explain to you everyone experiences rejection and that some of the most successful people were rejected many times over before experiencing success you’d have different beliefs instilled in you. Some of us grow up in these types of environments or have since experienced these types of relationships. Remember, a lot of what is programmed in your subconscious, particularly your belief system and self talk habits was programmed decades ago when you were a kid. Children don’t yet understand how the world works and they don’t know how to filter their experiences before reaching conclusions about who they are and what they can do based on those experiences.

The second reason so many people are able to accomplish their dreams despite their subconscious minds is that they understand the role of the subconscious. They know it has the potential to hold them back even though they have strong desires to move forward. They’ve also done the work to reprogram their subconscious to automate beliefs, habits, and behaviors that align with their aspirations. Oftentimes, where they fall short they have sought out outside coaching and support. An accountability partner or coach can help you get to where you want to go. Why? Because they force your behaviors and beliefs to rise to the level of your conscious mind. If someone is telling you come on, let’s go work out your physical activity is now a conscious thought.

Lastly, some people kick butt with their dreams because they have the willpower. Willpower means to restrain one’s own impulses. Notice that the impulses or subconscious behaviors are still there. The difference is that these people have reached a point where they’ve said “Enough is enough. This has got to change.” They have the willpower to accomplish their dreams despite their natural inclinations to do otherwise. Having an accountability partner or coach or even hypnosis and meditation can help bridge the gap when your willpower isn’t strong enough (yet).

Final Thoughts

Transforming your life and accomplishing your dreams isn’t something that is only available to a selected few. We all have it in us to create the lives we want. In fact, I think we are meant to find our true selves and create our best life. The fact that we have beliefs, habits and behaviors that are in opposition to our goals isn’t insurmountable. We can and should transform our subconscious mind in order to discover our truest self, achieve our dreams and live our best life.

Want to learn more about how your subconscious may be holding you back and how to move forward. Schedule a complimentary Transform Your Life Clarity Call with Charlene.

IT Statement (Inspiring & Transformational)

I am living my life purposefully, intentionally, fully present and focused.
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Do You Realize You Are Meant to Transform?

Transformation, Transform Your Life

You are meant to transform. It’s your purpose. Don’t stay the same. Transform.

I see so often people who are afraid to change. The reasons are numerous. I’ve been afraid to change at times as well. Staying the same is always easy, but it’s not what we are destined to do. We’re designed to grow and evolve just like the caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. The fear of change can be paralyzing to a lot of people. I’d argue the idea of staying the same is scarier.

A caterpillar spends its entire life preparing to be a butterfly. She eats all the time to ensure she can make it through the cocoon stage. The caterpillar instinctively knows she is capable of so much more than crawling among the dirt and she prepares for it. She knows her future is not her past. If God placed a caterpillar on this earth with the intention of becoming a butterfly I know He has a more beautiful transformation in store for us if we’d only appreciate our growth opportunities.

If the butterfly was born a butterfly I’m sure she would be just as beautiful, but the significance would disappear. Butterflies are one of the top designs for home decor, garden decor, clothing and accessories, tattoos, and jewelry. I believe to some extent this is because of what they represent – growth and transformation. A butterfly sends the message, “You don’t have to be the same person you were in the past. You can transform into a new person.”

If you’re Christian you can take a cue from the bible. It says in Romans 12:2, “Be ye transformed…” Again, I tell you, you’re not supposed to stay the same. You are meant to transform.

The seasons and the trees and the sky all know they must change. They don’t hesitate or resist. They just do. If spring didn’t transform into summer which then transforms into fall there would be nothing special about the trees or the sky or the seasons. In fact, there would be no seasons. There’s beauty in transformation. Instinctively we know that and we embrace it. We wait for the foliage of fall and the smell of Christmas. We anticipate the start of a new year or the transition from singleness to married life.

Transformation is natural. Deep inside we know this to be true, but mentally and emotionally we fight change and therefore growth relentlessly. We dig our heels into the ground and proclaim to stay right where we are. The unfortunate thing is that that’s not who we are created to be. We’re so against growth we at times avoid it at all cost. We’ll end a relationship or get a divorce because we didn’t want to grow. We’ll lose an opportunity or a job because we were afraid to change. We’ll miss out on amazing life experiences because we decided to stay the same.

Of course nobody says, “I got divorced or lost my job because I didn’t want to grow,” but for a lot of people that’s the case. We don’t want to grow past our past hurts and let downs. We don’t want to overcome pridefulness or insecurity.  We don’t want to forgive. We don’t want to transform our thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors. I’ve heard people say, “I was like this when they meet me/hired me/chose me, and I’m going to stay like this.” I think that is absolutely crazy!

Myths keeping us from transforming

We tend to have a lot of misconceptions and faulty beliefs about what it means to transform. These beliefs are holding us back from the growth that will usher us into the life we’ve always wanted to live. Here are some of the common myths dispelled by the truth about growth and transformation.

Myth: “I’ve gone so far down the wrong path it would take too long to come back and would not be possible or worth it.”

Truth: A lot of times people are afraid to move forward because of where they’ve been. The truth is, “It’s never too late to correct a mistake.” Who cares how long you lived the “wrong” life? It’s always possible to transform your life. Whenever you are truly ready, life is ready to support you through your transformation. If you lived 88 years down the wrong path and on your last day of life you lived your dream life wouldn’t that be worth it? Isn’t any amount of time living as your authentic self, loving the person you are and feeling comfortable in your own skin worth it?

Myth: “I don’t deserve better and no one is going to believe in me after the life I’ve lived.”

Truth: You always deserve better. You’re always worth it. It’s true some people may count you out, but don’t ever count yourself out. There will also be some people that life will place in your path just so they can believe in you and support you. If you haven’t found those people don’t fret. They will come. Until then, you believe in you.

Myth: “If I admit I have room to grow I’m admitting something is wrong with the current me. I can’t let people know I’m flawed.”

Truth: First off, there’s nothing wrong with you. Think about it. Is there anything wrong with being a caterpillar? Of course not. There’s nothing wrong with being a caterpillar. Caterpillars have a distinct purpose and role to play. There’s purpose in being a caterpillar. However, the destiny of a caterpillar is to become a butterfly. Similarly, there’s purpose in the life you’ve experienced thus far. It’s made you who you are. You’ve learned lessons and developed in ways that will serve you going forward. Acknowledging that you have areas to transform in your life doesn’t negate you or your worth. It only opens you up to so much more possibility. Secondly, everyone already knows you’re not perfect. No one is perfect. You can’t hide the fact that you have flaws or pretend them away. You can, however, own up to your flaws, accept them all and transform the ones you can.

Myth: “I have to know how things will end up before I commit to change.”

Truth: You will not know. You are not psychic. I get it. I have to tell myself that all the time. (Still to this day).

  • “I would get started if I knew how it would end.”
  • “I would invest in this program if I knew it would be worth it.”
  • “I would commit to this guy if I knew he was the one.”

Then I remind myself I do not know the future because I am not a psychic. Ultimately, I give myself permission to take a chance. If I wait until I know for sure I’ll be waiting forever.

The caterpillar doesn’t even know what’s in store for her. No one tells her to build a cocoon so she can become a butterfly. She just knows and she feels drawn to do something new. Her instincts tell her to build a cocoon. She could resist and fight it, kicking and screaming all the way in the opposite direction. She could say, “I’m too afraid. I don’t know what to expect. It’s too dark in there.” She could decide that the risk of the unknown is too high for her and that she’d rather just stay with what she knows. She could decide she prefers to crawl for the rest of her life. Thank God that’s not what she decides, because she shows us that we are meant to transform.

Final Thoughts

If a caterpillar never transformed into a butterfly we would think it unfortunate of that caterpillar. We would probably say she threw her life away and didn’t fulfill her potential or purpose. Could you imagine that? A caterpillar who decided not to become a butterfly. Think about what she would be forgoing! That’s how we tend to live our lives; missing out on our greatest potential. I believe the thing that holds us back in addition to the myths above is that we don’t know what we’re missing out on. We can look at the caterpillar and know that if she doesn’t embrace her transformation she would be missing out on flying. She would never be the adored butterfly we love so much. But you and I, we have no tangible idea of the person we’re keeping inside ourselves. We have no idea the life we’re holding hostage by our fear of change.  Maybe if we had a glimpse of the new woman and life waiting in the wings for us we wouldn’t be so afraid. Or maybe we just have to embrace the unknown, build that cocoon, and be surprised when it’s opened!

IT Statement (Inspiring & Transformational)

My growth is beautiful. I was designed to transform into my best self and I will.

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