One of my rental properties is vacant. The tenant who was previously in the house hired the guy next door to mow the lawn. When she moved out he left me a note asking if he could cut the grass until another tenant moves in. I agreed.
What started out as cordial conversations about the lawn and flowerbed began to bleed into a whole other conversation. I was at the house Monday waiting for a carpet installer to come by to get an estimate on replacing the carpet. While waiting my neighbor homes over to chat.
“I notice things, but I don’t be wanting to say anything,” the neighbor said. “See I can tell you don’t have anyone to wash your car for you.”
I literally laughed out loud. Sure, my car can use a cleaning. I thought he just wanted to make some additional money by washing my car.
He then goes on to tell me about his past relationships, his age(47), why he doesn’t have a job, why he lives with his grandma, and that he has no kids and has never been married. He also mentions he was called by God to preach (see previous statement about lack of job).
So now I’m thinking. “Where’s he going with this?”
“Sometimes I think I move too slow, but I don’t want to move too fast. I don’t want to talk myself out of anything either,” the neighbor continued. “I just want you to know about my situation. That’s why I’m telling you this.”
“Carpet man, where are you? Please hurry up and get here,” I cry inside my head. I’m now panicking, hoping he doesn’t ask me out. I keep glancing at my phone and looking down the street to see if any cars are coming. “They said they’d be there in 45 minutes. It’s been about an hour now.”
The neighbor proceeds to tell me he has been dating a woman recently “but that ain’t nothing” and that he’d like to have a kid one day.
“Carpet man! Wherefore art thou?!”…..”Ah, yes, carpet man is here!”
I tell my neighbor we’ll have to talk later.
Now my neighbor has no job, no home of his own, no car and is 15 years older than me. Yet, he had zero qualms about pursuing me. In fact, he is still pursing me.
He is completely oblivious to the fact that he may not “measure up” to me. I’m the opposite of him. I have a job. I own three homes. I live alone.
The only obstacle he saw in his pursuit of me was a man. And by looking at my car he decided I had no man. All systems go. He should pursue me.
Yet had it been me (and maybe even you) I would be thinking, “There’s no way she (rather he) is going to be interested in me. I don’t have my own place. I don’t have a job or a car. I’m not good enough to date her. I don’t measure up.”
I think it’s impressive that my neighbor gives no thought to if he measures up. I don’t get the sense that he was intimidated or afraid to approach me, but found the courage to pursue me anyway. Even now as he continues to call and text I don’t think he gives any attention to if he’s “good” enough. I don’t think it even crosses his mind.
I think he’s oblivious.
Now, I’m not saying he’s not good enough for me. I’m saying we’re not equally yoked. And that doesn’t concern him the least bit. Not only does it not concern him he isn’t concerned with if it concerns me. He didn’t say his situation was temporary or that he was working on it. He simply said, “I just want you to know my situation.”
And while I have no intentions in dating him I’ve learned something powerful from him. I’ve learned that sometimes we should be oblivious to if and how we “measure up”.
Stop measuring how well you stack up.
Stop worrying about if you’re good enough.
Be oblivious to the fact that anybody might think those things of you.
When you count how well you measure up you may just end up counting yourself out. You might talk yourself out of it. You might decide there’s no use in moving forward. You see too many insurmountable obstacles in your way.
When you’re oblivious there are no obstacles.
Obviously sometimes being oblivious is not a good thing. But when it comes to pursuing those things that interest you practice being oblivious. Move forward like there’s no possible reason you would not end up successful. Move forward as if there is zero possibility that you don’t measure up.