My personal motto is “Be really you. Not just a little bit of you. 100% of you. 100% of the time.” It’s so easy to lose yourself. We lose ourselves because people criticize us so we adjust to fit in. I’ve had people make fun of the way I laugh and how I wear my hair. When I was younger I tried to do the “appropriate” thing. I tried to laugh the “right” way. Adjusting who we are over and over again makes it harder to even know who we are.

We lose ourselves because we hang around people and mimic or take on their behavior. If you hang around people who curse a lot there’s a good chance you’ll start to curse as well. It’s not until you identity exactly who you are and who you want to be that you learn not to let other people rub off on you. Unless of course they have positive attributes and habits that would benefit you as well.

I was at a party once and someone told me I should get drunk so I could loosen up. The thought was that because I wasn’t behaving like them I was being stiff or boring. But I don’t get drunk. My idea of a fun night is happy hour not bottles of Patron. I know this about self so I choose to put myself in environments that honor who I am. When you’re in an environment and you’re the odd women out you could bury the real you in order to fit in.

You might lose yourself because your confidence took a hit. You were fired or someone broke up with you and you started to feel unworthy or not good enough.

Sometimes we switch up because we want the love and connectedness we get when we behave similar to someone else. My friend told me how her grandmother treated her differently depending on who was around. When certain people were around she was mean and condescending. When they were alone the grandmother was pleasant and easy to get along with.

Other times we’ve never really done the work to understand our true, authentic selves so we look to others to show us who we should be. Most people don’t just know who they really are outside of life’s influence. They work at it. They are introspective. They pay attention to how they feel. They notice when they most feel like themselves and when they least feel like themselves. You have to study you.

It’s also common that we look to people who have achieved a level of success we desire and fall under the false assumption that we have to be like them to achieve success of our own. You mimic everything your mentor does. You stick close to the playbook without exploring and discovering anything for yourself. Other people can guide you, but you are your own personal legend. You can’t follow someone else’s journey step by step. There’s a trial that only can be blazed by you.

Time and time again life can distract you from your authentic self. But it’s so important to know who you are. It’s so important to come back to her whenever you lose her. It’s important not to be afraid or reluctant to be her in all situations.

What I know is that when you’re authentic you build a life around what you really want and who you really are. You build a life that really matters to you. You’re not living someone else’s life. You’re not chasing someone else’s dream. Life is more fulfilling when the real you shows up. Your relationships fit. Your career choices fit. Your hobbies fit. Life just fits. When the real, authentic woman inside of you shows up consistently, life is much better.

Here are 20 affirmations to help you connect with your authentic self when life tries to pull you away from her (and it will):

1. I am enough.

It’s not uncommon to avoid certain desires in your heart because you don’t feel as if you are good enough. It’s not uncommon to not let your voice be heard because you don’t think what you have to say is good enough. It’s also not uncommon to supplement who you are with things that aren’t in alignment with your true self. When you don’t feel good enough as you are you seek inauthentic attributes to make you feel good enough. Yet that rarely works. In fact, it has the reverse effect. It can make you feel regretful and even more unworthy. When you affirm to yourself that you are in fact enough you have the confidence to be you everyday.

2. I am my own person.

Going against the crowd doesn’t always feel good. It can be lonely. Yet, when you understand that you are your own person you go where the authentic you wants to go. If that so happens to be in the direction of the crowd great. If not, that’s fine too. You make decisions for you.

3. I design my life.

Your parents don’t design your life for you. Your peers don’t coerce you to do things. You are in control of your own life. You have the painter’s brush.

4. I am powerful.

You will never be powerful being someone else. Affirm to yourself that the real you is powerful. You don’t have to be anyone else to gain power. You can’t take power from someone else. All the power you need is already inside of you. You’re most powerful when you’re yourself. You are powerless when you try to be someone you’re not.

5. I am a unique masterpiece.

You’re unique. There’s no one exactly like you in the whole world. That’s enough to want to be your true self. God made you one of a kind because there’s something only you can bring to the world. You are here for such a time as this. Your unique perspective, skills, gifts, and personality are needed right now. That’s why you’re here. Don’t hide your masterpiece behind the mask of someone else. Let the masterpiece that you are be seen by all who cross paths with you. Be Really You.

6. I know who I am and I like who I am.

I said earlier that I know who I am so I’m not going along to get along in an area that doesn’t align with my true self. And I’m okay with being “stiff” or the lame one in the crew. Everyone who knows me well knows I’m goody two shoes and they respect that. When I know who I am and honor her I like myself more. I feel good about the woman that I am. My confidence increases when I honor the real me because I know a lot of people aren’t strong enough to do the same. When you honor who you are others will honor you as well. When you like who you are you won’t have a problem being who you are.

I was sitting with some friends at a park one day. I must have been in middle school. They were passing around a joint. They passed it me. I declined and they never passed it to me again. To this day I have never done any drugs. People will respect who you are, but you have to know who you are first and foremost. Then you have to communicate who you are. If you don’t like you are you won’t tell people when something isn’t in alignment with you. You’ll go along to get along. Know who you are and like who you are.

7. I am becoming more and more myself everyday.

The real you is uncovered over time in pieces. Everyday of your life you learn more about who you are. You have the opportunity to shed those thoughts, habits, beliefs that aren’t really you every day. Do the work of becoming more of you everyday. Take notice of what makes you come alive and what makes you shrink. Pay attention to how you feel in certain situations and around certain people. Discover who you really are on purpose.

8. I am most powerful when I’m my true self.

This is a repeat of #4,  but it’s true. When you take who you really are out into the world with you, you are powerful. When you leave her at home by being fake or inauthentic you lose your power. People can see through you.

9. I love myself.

If anybody is worthy of your love it is you. Hiding your true self can be a sign of self-hatred. That’s not always the case, but it can be. You don’t want to be her because you don’t like her and you don’t love her. Fall in love with the real you.

10. I approve myself.

You don’t have to wait for the world to approve you. You don’t have to wait for a man or your boss to approve you. You get to approve yourself.

11. I believe in myself.

Believe in yourself enough to be yourself. Stop believing in other people more than you believe in you. That’s what happens when you try to be like others. You’re essentially saying that you believe in them more than you believe in you. Why would you do that? Don’t you know yourself better than you know them? Don’t you know your accomplishments better than you know theirs? Don’t you trust yourself more? Believe in yourself. You got this (whatever this is).

12. I am capable.

You might be reluctant to rest in the trust of who you are because you don’t feel she is capable. The real is very capable. In fact, she is more capable than the fake you.

13. I am perfect just the way I am.

Know that you are perfect just the way you are. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t grow and evolve. It means that this version of you is perfect for this season of your life. You don’t have to be someone you’re not. The real you is more than okay.

14. I am letting go of everything that no longer aligns with the real me.

We all take on habits, behaviors, and language at some time in our life that doesn’t really align with who we are and who we are becoming. Furthermore, some aspects of your personality may have aligned with who you were in the last season of your life. But now you have to let go. Every time something comes up that doesn’t align with the real you be okay with letting go.

15. I am confident enough to be my authentic self.

If you find yourself shying away from being your authentic self because you don’t feel confident this affirmation is for you. Build your confidence in yourself. Know that the real you is accepted and approved (by you if not by anyone else).

16. I am my own secret weapon.

You can’t be your own secret weapon if you’re being someone else. All your secret power is inside of you. When you’re real your real gifts show up and show out on your behalf.

17. I am gifted and talented.

You have your own gifts and talents. If you hide them by being someone you’re not you hide your purpose. Let your natural gifts out into the world.

18. I am learning more about myself everyday and I love what I see.

Love what you see. Love who you are. Be committed to learning more about who you. Be committed to uncovering the layers of inauthenticity we all pack on as we go through life.

19. I live in accordance with my highest values.

Always choose your values. Don’t follow someone else’s values. Act in accordance with your highest values.

20. I am perfectly imperfect.

No, you’re not perfect. Nobody is. But you are perfectly imperfect. You don’t have the fake the funk. It’s okay to be flawed. You’re human. But that should never deter you from letting the real you out, flaws and all.