I had just turned 32 and I decided it was time to get serious about my desire to marry and start a family. I had made this commitment many times before. I’d pull out all the stops – make every effort to meet men. I’d meet a bunch of men – kiss a lot of frogs – and decide I didn’t have time for this.
You see, I’m a loner. I had no problem coming home and spending the evening alone with my dog. If anyone was going to take up space in my life it had to be because I genuinely wanted him there. I could never spend time with a man out of boredom or wanting a free meal as they say.
So, as I said, I had just turned 32 and I needed to focus on my love life the way I had always focused on my career, investments, and other pursuits. It was get married or die trying. ???.
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I also want to point out neither my husband or I were desperate. You can go after anything you want in life, but if you go after love (especially if you’re a woman) you’re “desperate”. We both wanted the same thing and we’re compatible. We didn’t settle for each other out of desperation.
I challenged myself to talk to at least one potential suitor everyday for at least 30 days. It could be the same man multiple days, but I had to talk to at least one a day – a phone call, a date, exchanging messages on a dating app – whatever. No getting discouraged by the frogs or the inevitable inappropriate pictures some men love to send and/or request.
I wasn’t allowed to quit for 30 days. I had quit too many times before. Despite the fact that I’d rather chill at home alone than to waste time talking to another man I saw no potential in I kept at it.
And you know what?
I met my husband in those 30 days.
Now I didn’t get married or even engaged in those 30 days. I simply met a man I finally felt was worth meeting. We eventually married a year and half later and welcomed our first child almost a year after marrying.
I want to point out that finding a husband and having children was a major goal at that time in my life. No different than losing weight, finishing college or getting a promotion. It was also a major goal for my husband.
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I asked him once what was he afraid of. He answered, “Dying alone. Never having a family of my own.” I wasn’t chatting with just anyone just to check the box off – to say I met my goal. I targeted men who wanted what I wanted.
This is an important point whether we’re talking about love or education or any goal. You wouldn’t attend a college if they didn’t offer your desired degree program, right? Stop dating men who don’t want marriage and children if that’s what you want.
I believe focus, commitment and consistency are the keys to accomplishing what we want in life. Maybe it’s not marriage that you seek. Maybe it’s a new career or to lose weight. The recipe is still the same.
Don’t give up even though you’re tired of kissing frogs. And don’t let your goals happen by accident.
So what if I didn’t meet my husband in those 30 days? I would have just kept going until I did. 30 days is just a time frame I chose to commit to. It’s short enough to commit to without overwhelming yourself and long enough to actually see results.
So what do you want that has been elusive so far? Are you willing to commit to obtaining it for 30 days (at least)?
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