Lauren Hill said it best in her hit song Lost Ones:
You just lost one, it’s so silly how come?
When it’s all done, did you really gain from
What you done done? it’s so silly how come?
You just lost one.
We all tend to make decisions that ultimately add no value to our lives or the lives the others. We didn’t gain anything from our actions. Maybe there was a temporary satisfaction of ego, but in general nothing was gained.
It’s human nature to make decisions based on how we think those decisions will make us feel. That feeling is usually one of dissatisfaction or one of satisfaction. Essentially we make decisions based on the fear of a dissatisfying feeling or based on the anticipation of a satisfying feeling or experience.
For example, I try to eat healthy and eliminate excessive junk food. When I’m craving for something I know I shouldn’t have such as chocolate cake I imagine how good it’s going to taste. I can anticipate the satisfaction of indulging in that delicious chocolate cake. Sometimes it hits the spot. Other times I’m disappointed and wish I would have stuck to my goals and values.
Seeking revenge against someone who has done you wrong is another great example. It really isn’t about the other person. Seeking revenge is about how the seeker thinks it will make them feel. The key word here is think. When it’s all done, nothing will have been gained.
It’s important to understand that feelings are fleeting and they are not a great tool to base decisions off of. What’s most important is that our decisions, actions, and words actually yield good things in return. How does one accomplish this? Make it habit to ask yourself, “What will anyone gain from this?”
How many relationships would have been salvaged had someone asked themselves, “What will anyone gain from this?”
How many bad decisions would have been avoided had someone asked themselves, “What will anyone gain from this?”
What have you lost that could have been retained had you first asked yourself, “What will anyone gain from this?”
Don’t let your feelings, which are temporary cause you to lose one. Let your decisions, communications, and behaviors be based on gains rather than feelings.