FCTB022: How to Live A More Joyful, Peaceful, Purposeful Life

I am managing a Facebook group of women who want to grow their selves and their lives. In my desire to be of service and support them more, I decided to conduct a survey asking them what goals they are working on at the moment. I was under the guise that most will answer the typical, defined responses of career, debt, fitness, and romance that I readied a structure based on these. But the #1 answer by an overwhelming margin that turned up is the vaguer concept of living a more joyful, peaceful, purposeful life.

I’m not as ready to answer this challenge as I am with the other response options that I expected to turn up. Losing weight, leveraging finances – these are quantified by setting up parameters and tracking systems, but how to facilitate and help someone towards an intangible or unquantifiable goal, and how to measure success? While a joyful, peaceful and purposeful life will not necessarily resonate with everyone, what I will be sharing will help you to accomplish whatever type of life you want to create for yourself.

joyful /adj/ feeling, expressing, or causing great pleasure and happiness.
peaceful /adj/ free from disturbance; tranquil; drama-free; anxiety-free; worry-free
purposeful /adj/ having or showing determination or resolve; intentional; on purpose

Guided by the definitions provided above, I try to dissect and answer this today through a simple guide:

  • Envision what the idealized life means to you and what it looks like – you need to be so clear on what it is you want to allow you to personalize your methods depending on your idea of the life you want to create. This also serves the purpose such that when you arrive and get there, you identify it and know that you have already reached your goal (3:50).
  • Identify which areas of your life fits and does not fit the vision and definition of the life you want to create, then analyze on why they do or don’t, and if there are recurring themes or trends (6:36).
  • Recognize the gap and formulate a game plan to close the gap – this somehow allows us to quantify the ‘intangible goal’ via the gap. The game plan is comprised of strategies and routines like journaling, setting and enforcing boundaries, being intentional, making choices and decisions, and managing attitudes and perspectives (7:12).
  • Enjoy the journey. Be patient with life – life is nothing but a set of journeys towards the different goals we need to accomplish strewn across our lifetime (18:31).

I also shared anecdotes to support the methods I prescribed above.

  • Cross-state family trips I had when I was younger waiting for the ‘Welcome to Kentucky’ sign that says we’ve arrived (6:00).
  • Joyce Meyers sermon about monotony and the concept of blue skies and green grass, which makes us feel out of purpose, out of joy and out of peace (9:35).
  • The lesson of managing perspectives through the story of the three men building a church (13:50).
  • Dr. Phil’s wife, Robin McGraw, ensuring that Dr. Phil gets his physical exercise after traveling and work by scheduling it and leaving reminders to keep the intention (17:59).
  • Looking forward to a trip to Lisa Nichols’ Speak and Write to Make Millions keeps me excited (19:57).
  • A practice in our church’s mission trip to Haiti where we asked daily “Where did we see Jesus today?”. Acknowledge and find where whatever-adjective-that-you-use-to-describe-the-life-you-want was seen – this can serve as a daily reminder and a guide towards your goal. (20:33).

The most important takeaway here is the importance of visioning in defining what kind of life it is that we want – whether it is a joyous, peaceful, adventurous, spiritual, or purposeful life that you want to create. From there, identifying and analyzing your current state, recognizing and enforcing your strategies until you finally arrived at the destination of your journey.

I would like to hear your visions and what kind of life you want to create for yourself, email me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com or chime in the comments below. If you found this episode insightful, share it on your social networks so others benefit from it too.

Relevant Links:
The Truth About Purpose | From Caterpillars to Butterflies
Creating Balance and Setting Boundaries | From Caterpillars to Butterflies
Speak and Write to Make Millions Workshop 2017
Expand Your Vision to Expand Your Life
Facebook Group for Ambitious Women who want More

You can find the show on iTunes, SoundcloudStitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Show support and leave me a rating and review on whatever platform you’re listening to You can listen to the podcast via Patreon where supporters who pledge support to the show receive bonus content, first dibs to episode and freebies.

I appreciate you investing your time and listening today. Until next time!


FCTB021: How to Increase Your Confidence in Everyday Life

Today’s episode is about confidence. Building confidence affects different areas of our daily life. It could make all the difference in landing that coveted job, asking the girl or guy out, voicing your opinion, and pretty much anything we are too scared to do but can potentially change the course of our lives.

 “Fear comes in the thinking, confidence comes in the doing”

With this quote in mind, I have come up with tips to increase your confidence. Here are 7 fool-proof ways to build and boost your confidence and self-esteem.

#1 Look the part. We often underestimate the impact of our physical appearance on our confidence level. Pay attention to things that make you feel at your best and confident – be it with make-up, hairstyle, clothes. Invest time and/or money, and purposefully present yourself in a way that makes you confident (1:15).

#2 Set the part. Be confident in your environment – you might find that the physical surroundings and the atmosphere we’re exposed to – our workspace, home, car, including other visual and auditory cues, affect our moods – and in effect our confidence. If we’re confident with these external representations of our life, it will spill out with a healthy level of self-confidence (6:23).

#3 Act the part. Sometimes we wait for our feelings to rise up and our actions follow. But we can also let actions happen first and let our feelings catch up. Body language can play a part in boosting our confidence. Head held high, smiling, giving a firm handshake, talking in a modulated tone and volume – these are ways to project confidence and eventually feel authentically confident too (7:21).

#4 Control your thoughts. Self-defeating thoughts are just in our heads, and it is us thinking how other might be thinking about us. We need to call out these destructive and distracting thoughts and instead channel a specific thought, a go-to statement or internal pep talk whenever confidence is low. Doing so removes the self-doubt and replaces it with something more positive (10:48).

#5 Have a safe space. It can be through an organization, a coach, friends or family who can help us get more comfortable and build our confidence safely without criticism (14:38).

#6 Avoid comparisons. Step away from people that become a source of comparison, and yes, it can include social media where people tend to flaunt their good lives (15:46).

#7 Embrace confidence-building in the way it most serves you. We have different learning curves, and the same thing applies to gaining confidence – some may take a plunge, while some slowly ease their way into the pool – and that is okay. Set a goal to achieve that can be made possible through self-confidence and work your way to it in your own terms (16:41).

I also shared my personal experience when I dealing with my own self-confidence issues and how I applied the tips I provided in those scenarios (2:29; 7:51;11:23). I would like to put a disclaimer though that to gain confidence doesn’t mean you straight-up mimic someone who exudes confidence – as this can create further insecurity. The idea is to know who you are, find, learn and own your confidence. Sometimes we wonder why some people seem to be so confident, while we are bombarded by self-doubt. The truth is, even confident people have an inner dialogue of self-doubt, but they don’t let it stop them.

If you learned a thing or two today, and think others might benefit from this episode, please do share it with them. If you’ve got questions or feedback on this episode, or are interested in a coaching session with me, shoot me an email at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com and I’ll get back to you soonest.

You can listen to the podcast via Patreon where subscribers can pledge support to the show and receive exclusive content, discounts and other perks. You can also find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean where you can show your support by leaving a rating or review. This allows us to reach and help more people, and improve the podcast rankings. Lastly, you can find and follow me on social media, via Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Thanks for taking the time, and until next time!


FCTB020: The Power of Coaches, Mentors, and Guides + How to Coach Yourself

I am a big proponent of coaching and have always seen the positive benefits of having a professional coach, or even a mentor or guide whether it is with business, love, or life in general. I am a personal testament to this as I have seen from both sides of it – being a coach myself and having been under the care of mentors and guides too.

That is the reason I have decided to share this episode that defines coaching and identifies the different benefits of having a coach, mentor, or guide. I also provided methods to coach yourself to success should you feel like you’re not ready yet to invest in getting a coach and mentoring program yet.

Some of the things I shared on this episode are:

  • Definitions of coaching that I adhere to (2:56).

Coaching is about creating an action plan that moves you forward, from where you are to where you want to be. – James Himm Mitchell

Coaching is all about having someone believe in you and encourage you, about getting valuable feedback, about seeing things from new perspectives and setting your sights on new horizons.

Life Coaching is your opportunity to take your life from good to great.

  • The concept of accountability through coaching which results to significantly increasing the likelihood to accomplishing tasks or goals (3:33), and why it’s a better idea to have a professional coach instead of a family member or a friend as your accountability partner (5:47).
  • The advantage of being able to think out loud and have someone listen and brainstorm with you if you feel there are issues or problems that you’re not confident to deal with by yourself (7:10).
  • The significance of having a coach who can be objective when you’re not, and can serve as a powerful reminder of your path and goals in case the vision gets blurry (12:12).
  • The ability to stay on track (and if you get off track, back on track), prioritize tasks an14:45).
  • The insights and assistance coaches provide to break down problems, issues, and tasks into small actionable chunks, connecting the dots, and finding solutions (19:56).
  • The assurance of having someone to assist you to address your thoughts, insecurities, and lack of knowledge (23:02).

I have listed potential coaches in a blog post I wrote a couple of months back. If the podcast has been helpful to you and you would like to work with me as a coach, you can shoot me an email at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com and I’ll get back to you so we can discuss your goals, challenges and pain points, and see how we can work together.

Alternately, if you feel like you’d want to try if you can coach yourself to success, I also have devised techniques so you can kickstart your way to self-improvement. Some of the methods that I have mentioned in past blog posts and podcasts are identified below such as:

  • Maintaining a daily goals journal (24:55)
  • Keeping a Life Balance Wheel (25:50)
  • Write a personal IT (Inspiring and Transformational) statement or manifesto (26:16)
  • The RAMP method (Reflect, Avoid, Move, Persist) (26:33).
  • Digging deeper (as I’ve contributed in Classy Career Girl) (27:27).
  • Thinking that there’s always something you can be doing (as provided in this podcast episode) (28:23).

Related Links:

 The Ropes to Skip and the Ropes to Know by R. Richard Ritti | Amazon

Three Feet from Gold by Sharon L. Lechter CPA, Greg S. Reid, and Mark Victor Hansen | Amazon

Creating Balance and Setting Boundaries | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

How to Get Unstuck | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

How to Get Ish Done When You’re Feeling Unmotivated | From Caterpillars to

5 Ways to Finish Strong | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Ways We Sabotage Ourselves | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

21 Black Women Coaches to Help You Transform Your Life, Business, Family and Spirituality | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

4 Ways to Coach Yourself to Success | From Caterpillars to Butterflies

How to Coach Yourself to Success | Classy Career Girl

I hope you like this episode – thanks for tuning in! Want to share your thoughts on the episode? Chime in on the feedback section or email me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com – I’d love to hear it! If you think this episode can help your friends and family, please do share it with them too. You can find the show on iTunes, SoundcloudStitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. You can also find me on social media, on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter.

Lastly, From Caterpillars to Butterflies is now in Patreon! Show your support to the podcast pledging and becoming a Patron – this gives you first dibs on episodes and members-only perks for as low as $1 a month. Your monthly love offering goes to improving the podcast and exclusive content and materials to help you with your personal growth journey. You may also show your support by leaving the podcast a rating and review on the podcast you’re listening to, this allows us to get up in the rankings and reach more people.

 

 


FCBT019: How to Manifest Your Heart’s Desires

I’ve recently watched the Secret – a movie that basically talks about the law of attraction, and this piqued my interest.

I want to manifest love, happiness, wealth, and other wonderful things and positivities. There was a time when I wanted to know about manifesting my heart’s desires – and I bought books, products, systems, events to learn about it. But I’ve always felt that the idea of manifesting does not feel right for me.

For today’s episode, I will discuss manifesting your heart’s desire and my point of view on this approach. Some of the subjects I covered are:

The different approaches and methods on manifesting that I was taught (2:00).

The reason why the concept of manifesting does not completely resonate with me, and why I am actually glad that thoughts do not always manifest in real life (5:00).

Experiences I’ve had that serves as proof that manifesting is not enough to turn thoughts and dreams to reality (5:36; 6:50; 7:18) and bible verses relating to this:

Ask and you shall receive
Faith without works is dead

Manifest as defined in the dictionary, and what I prefer as a better verb to use that gives off a more proactive impression (10:10). Manifest – readily perceived by the senses and especially by the sense of sight; easily understood or recognized by the mind https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/manifest

The many opportunities in life that I’ve had (11:10; 14:36), and what I did on my part to make sure they happen – finding the chances, persisting, practicing discipline and consistency, taking action, and funding the opportunities if needed (13:20).

How I view the methods of manifesting like journaling, brainstorming, affirmations and visualization, as supplementary tools to keep us focused and remind us of our vision and goals, and what the main tool should be (16:09).

The concept of synchronicity (17:56) and how we are taught from a young age to be rational and critical, overlooking the need to nurture our spiritual mind and our subconscious (21:47).
My personal experiences with synchronicities, and how people sometimes confuse synchronicities and manifesting (19:04; 20:20; 22:50).

I want to help you to be empowered through information and knowledge, and I encourage you to set goals, put the right strategies, define the right tactics, take action and be consistent over time to ensure that all your visions and goals come true.

If you are a manifesting junkie and would like to share how manifesting helped you, I want to hear from you – share your experiences, I am open to hearing your perspective on this topic. You can reach me through the comments section or by emailing me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com.

Some links related to this episode:
How to Manifest Unlimited Opportunities | From Caterpillars to Butterflies
Real Estate Investing: My First Year by Charlene Dior
The Secret (movie) by Rhonda Byrne | Amazon
What You Want by Mase | Harlem World | Spotify

Also, From Caterpillars to Butterflies is now in Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/fromcaterpillarstobutterflies) – here you can show your support to the podcast by pledging and becoming a Patron. Patron status gives you access to bonus content, first dibs on episodes, discounts and other perks for as low as $1 a month. I assure you, the wealth of information you get to access will be worth it.

The monthly love offering you’ll give goes to improving the podcast and providing you with more exclusive content and materials to help you more with personal growth and self-improvement.
You may also show your support by leaving the podcast a rating and review on the podcast you’re listening to, this allows us to get up on the rankings and reach more people to help them with personal growth.

If you think this episode will be helpful to your friends and family, please do share it with them too. You can find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. You can also find me on social media, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.


FCTB018: Don’t Judge Life

Today on the From Caterpillars to Butterflies podcast, the episode will focus on Judgment – of ourselves, our lives, other people, and their lives. For some reason, judging is something that just comes naturally.

I myself, am not exempt from this. Some of the topics I tackle in this podcast are things that I personally battle and struggle with. Driven by expectations of what we are, we’re not, should be, want to be… We compare ourselves to others, compare our present to an idealized state. We suck the joy out of life and make the experience more daunting than it should be. And worse, we often blow things out of proportion and make things much more difficult that they are.

That is what I want to discuss this time… how we practice judgment and how to overcome it. Listen up and learn about:

  • How our minds construe what is a good, right and successful, vis-à-vis what’s bad, wrong and failure of a life (1:23), why it is better to enjoy life as it is than controlling it (2:49; 8:45), and how removing judgment allows a richer life experience (5:37).
  • Mankind deciding to place negative and positive values on events and experiences, judging everything that happens to our lives based on these buckets (3:41), and how we’re conditioned to operate by this dichotomy (15:30).
  • The ability to view our feelings just as it is and not judging it into meaning anything (7:18), and how this can alleviate the pressure, shame and embarrassment we associate with events and experiences (8:20).
  • The importance of paying attention to our intentions (8:45), how doing so will be a better use of our energy, effort, and thoughts instead of judging (11:31).
  • Some stories and quotes I shared on this subject to illustrate how judgment clouds us (17:18; 20:30).

To sit in judgment of those things which you perceive to be wrong or imperfect is to be one more person who is part of judgment, evil or imperfection. – Wayne Dyer
The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. – Joseph Campbell

Judgment has been conditioned into our minds – with us explicitly expressing these more, or even instead of our intentions, goals, and visions. With the takeaways from this episode in mind, I challenge you to let go of judgment – relinquish it and instead acknowledge, experience and accept your experiences as they come to you.

I’ve always urged people to look forward and inward through this podcast. This episode is one that I hope will inspire one to reflect and tap into their subconscious belief systems.

If you would like to share your experience with judgment – if this something you’ve struggled with or are constantly experiencing, I’d like to hear them and maybe get this conversation going. Email me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com or you may also chime in your thoughts at the comments section.

You can find the show on iTunes, SoundcloudStitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Leave me a rating and review on whatever platform you’re listening to, this helps more people to discover the podcast – and in turn, hopefully, help more people with their struggles. Additionally, the show is on Patreon. Sponsor us for additional resources to help you grow! You can also find me on social media, on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter.

Thanks for listening – and if you know people who will benefit from this episode – please do share this with them too – until next time!


FCTB017: Ways We Sabotage Ourselves

This time on the From Caterpillars to Butterflies podcast, I will talk about self-sabotage. Sometimes accomplishing our goals and dreams are difficult and we may attribute it to haters holding us back, ill intentions or bad luck. When in reality, we are our own biggest “hater” and it is we ourselves that’s keeping us from moving into the direction we want to.

Sometimes we are the only thing standing in the way preventing us from accomplishing our goals and dreams. I hope that this episode will serve a Eureka effect for you to realize that certain habits or behavior you exhibit are causing self-sabotage.

Now, this whole self-sabotage things has been happening for ages, that even the bible had “self-sabotage” documented in a sense.

For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing. – Romans 7:19

Below, I have enumerated ways, or specific habits and behaviors causing us to sabotage ourselves.

#1 Trying to bring in others. This attitude sounds positive initially, but it can actually be self-sabotage. Sometimes, in the spirit of sharing, or being family or friends, you bring in others with you. The reality is other people doesn’t care about your goals, business, vision, and future the way you personally do – they don’t even share the same dreams, habits, and values. When you invite people in, the load you’re pushing gets too heavy – some of the people may help you push, but there are those inflicted by crab mentality, freeloading, sitting on your bandwagon making it harder for you to climb that hill (2:37).

#2 Not following through. Sometimes you start something and decide it’s not for you, or not completely aligned with what you want – that’s ok – shifting gears is ok. But if you stop doing something just because you’re lazy, you’re choosing the easy way out, or simply don’t feel like it – that’s self-sabotage. Anything that’s important and worthwhile usually is a long-term commitment (9:51).

#3 Lack of confidence. You can be afraid to move forward, afraid to take a chance, or you’re leaning on other people. Maybe you’re pretending that you don’t want something – you want it, but you don’t believe in yourself so you’re downplaying it. Nothing holds you back more than your lack of trust and faith in your own abilities. I’ve noted some helpful quotations that can help you boost that self-esteem (13:19).

Nothing holds you back more than your own insecurities. – Susan Gale

Believe you can and you’re halfway there. – Theodore Roosevelt

Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

#4 By not growing. If you don’t have confidence because you don’t have the knowledge or skills to do something, learning the knowledge and/or skill set is the way to gain that confidence. Growing and learning don’t even have to be in one go, you can do it in small bites. You can always stretch yourself, learn and grow (15:25).

#5 Doing half of a job. We only do enough just to say we did it, and we don’t really wanna show up which is often caused by lack of patience or not having healthy expectations of what is possible for you. This is kind of a combination of a lack of confidence and being short-term-minded (16:19).

#6 Talking down to ourselves. We tell ourselves we’re not good enough, compare ourselves to other people, and look at the worst of who we are. We cannot expect negative talk to manifest into positivity. This could even be the reason why all the preceding ways we sabotage ourselves occur (20:03).

With the goal of eliminating our tendency to self-sabotage, people need to condition themselves to talk and think positive (especially about themselves). I also recommend finding a mentor. Choose someone who started from where you are and ended with you where you want to be in. This is a great source to help you reprogram what you think is possible and can be your proof of your potential and possibilities. Read more about belief busters here –> Belief Busters: How to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

I believe we can go wherever we want to go to in life once we’ve identified the ways we sabotage ourselves and work to stop the self sabotage. I hope this will help you realize where you might have been self-sabotaging and how to mitigate this tendency.

Make sure you listen to the very end for a special guided meditation to help you conquer indecisiveness!

To supplement what you’ve learned in this episode, you may also check out these past episodes:
FCTB008: Expand Your Vision to Expand Your Life
FCTB007: Why You Need A Personal Growth Plan and How to Create One

If you have questions or feel like you need to discuss parts of this episode, leave me a note in the comments section or email me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com. Share this episode with people whom you think will find this useful too.

You can find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Leave me a rating and review on whatever platform you’re listening to, this helps more people to discover the podcast – and in turn, hopefully help them with their lives. Additionally, the show is on Patreon. Sponsor us for additional resources to help you grow! You can also find me on social media, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Thanks for tuning in and til next time.


FCTB016: How To Get Ish Done When You’re Feeling Unmotivated

That is what I wanted to discuss and share with everyone on this episode. Even I am not impervious to such moments but I have devised some techniques to get myself out of this state, which I hope will be helpful for all of you to get remotivated and start moving again.

I am a big believer in self-awareness. Knowing one’s self is critical in all facets of your life, but for this specific subject we’re tackling today, this includes knowing what causes the feeling of not wanting to do what you know you need to do. In other words, what motivates and demotivates you – this way you can personalize your strategy to get that motivation up again (2:20).

I tend to be very introverted and enjoy alone time, and while this is a source of my energy, if I don’t get to have some social interactions and get stuck in my cocoon for too long, I get demotivated – this is an example of knowing one’s self. This allows me to specify what needs to be done to re-ignite the fire (3:01).

Still part of self-awareness is asking yourself questions that will get you to the bottom of what’s causing unmotivated-ness.

Ask yourself:

  • Did something change in your routine that has made you feel unmotivated, or should something be changing (4:51)?
  • Is there something you’re avoiding (5:27)?
  • Acknowledging the answers to these questions and knowing the telltale signs that demotivation is creeping in can help mitigate it from happening (6:12).

Below are suggested techniques that worked for me to get remotivated:

Let music be your friend. Music can change your mood and remotivate you. There might be a specific song, playlist, album or even genre that can get you in the zone to start moving and doing what needs to be done (6:39).

Use intervals. You can do things in small intervals, maybe up the intervals in increments after some time, but you don’t need to do a huge chunk of the work at once, start small and little by little you’re getting things done (8:52).

Seek out inspiration. This can be in the form of before and after pictures, vision boards, progress reports, people who inspire you. Know what or who is it that inspire you. Pull out your inspiration/s be it physically, digitally or in your mind – and let it pull you forward (10:00).

Make yourself accountable to someone. An accountability partner helps you make progress and achieve your goals. People tend to honor commitments to other people than themselves so it helps to get a buddy to keep you on track or call you out when needed (10:35).

Visualize. Leverage the power of visualization. This technique might be more for long term goals – seeing yourself already in your goal or final result. Guided meditation is one way to effectively visualize, reprogram and psyche yourself to start doing what needs to be done (12:27).

Base your decisions on your goals, not your feelings. Being tired doesn’t mean you will quit, your goal stays as is no matter what your current feelings are. Your decisions, actions, and behavior should be in congruence with your goals. Let your goals pull you forward (13:51).

Just do it. What may seem like an overwhelming mountain of a task is actually just a group of small chunks of things that can be done little by little. Stop thinking what needs to be done when you can just easily get moving and doing. Everything will be done with before you know it (14:45).

I hope this episode gets you remotivated if there is something that you’ve been putting off, and gets your butt off the couch and start doing what just needs to be done.

Do you have similar struggles? Feeling a bit on the slump and need some extra nudge? Maybe I can help you with your challenges, email me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com or leave me a note in the comments section and I’ll get back to you. If you know anyone who’ll benefit from this episode, do share this episode with them too.

You can find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Leave me a rating and review on whatever platform you’re listening to, this helps more people to discover the podcast – and in turn, hopefully help them with their lives. Additionally, we’re on Patreon. Sponsor us for additional resources to help you grow! You can also find me on social media, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Again, thanks for listening and the support – til next time.


FCTB015: What to Do When The Fantasy Dies

When we start anything in life – career, relationship, business, self-improvement program, there is a fantasy tied to it, something we look forward to which motivates and invigorates us. But there will be a time when the fantasy will die inevitably, and you’re not quite as driven anymore.

For someone like me who is driven by growth and purpose, I occasionally find myself feeling this and I need to re-evaluate if the fantasy and my efforts to achieve it are still worth pushing for. Sometimes the idea of the fantasy blurs our judgment and we are no longer grounded to what actually is in reality. I provided examples of moments when the fantasies died for me and how I responded to them.

Today’s episode is specifically devoted for such moments where you’re not quite sure anymore. Here are 6 techniques on what to do when you feel like the fantasy is dying or has already died.

  • The first thing you can do upon getting the feeling that the fantasy is dying or has died, is to step back and re-evaluate if you still want it (3:38), this will enable you to assess and reflect so that you don’t spend time and effort only to realize at the end that you no longer want it (4:27).
  • If you’ve concluded that you still want that fantasy, review your timelines, sometimes we under- or overestimate the timelines, giving us a skewed perception of the fantasy vis-à-vis the reality. Adjust and reset the timeline as needed so the fantasy becomes possible in reality (5:37).
  • If the reason the fantasy is dying is because of challenges, navigate your way around these obstacles. We often view obstacles as signs that something is not meant to be, or we should stop. Don’t shut down, it could just be minor setbacks. Instead, you should reprogram your mind to come up with alternative solutions working around the obstacles (7:07).
  • Stay on the course even if the fantasy dies. If you still want it enough, keep on going and stay committed, this will give you clarity on the course you want to take (11:10).
  • “Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase” – Martin Luther King Jr.
  • Take a break if the fantasy died but you still want to push through. Step back, take a break, breathe, until you get your footing again (14:18).
  • Look for inspiration. I personally attend seminars and events because it is a good source of inspiration. If the system that you currently do or use is not working as expected, seeking for other resources and looking for inspiration ought to get that motivation up again (15:17).
  • I also highly recommend journaling as a way of weeding out the noise from my real objectives. When I am at a loss of clarity, and my fantasy is dying, I journal on what I really want to put things back in perspective as it helps me get back to the drawing table and start over (18:46).

Some of our fantasies are meant to be nothing but mere fantasies. But some of them we want enough that we need them to materialize into real life. It is important to reflect on these so we have better clarity as to what we really want with our lives. I hope that this episode can help you get re-motivated or if not, let go of things that are not meant to be.

If you have any thoughts or feedback on this episode, you can reach me through the comments section or by emailing me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com. Also, don’t forget to leave a rating and review on the platform you’re listening to. We are using the feedback you’re giving so we can improve the podcast further.

If you think this episode will be helpful to your friends and family, please do share it with them too. You can find the show on iTunes, SoundcloudStitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. You can also find me on social media, on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter.

Thanks for listening and until next week.


FCTB014: Self Love

Loving yourself is the foundation for your goals, your relationships, and everything that you want out of life. And loving yourself is the perfect practice to get ready for even more love coming your way, be it motherly love, sibling love, or romantic love.

For this episode, I’ll give you ways to love yourself more and how to show and manifest self-love better. We are used to always telling people how much we love them and how much they mean to us, but rarely to ourselves. Giving too much love to others and not for ourselves can be detrimental, and if you are one of those who struggles from loving yourself, I hope this episode can help you to grow into self-love.

Without further ado, let’s get to my methods towards self-love.

#1 Mirror Work. A concept I learned from Louise Hay, mirror work is an exercise you can do in front of the mirror. Saying “I love you” to yourself in the mirror – this exercise might feel uncomfortable at first, but the discomfort presents that there is an area to improve. The logic behind this is you need to hear this from yourself so you can comprehend someone else loving you too (1:26).

I also share my personal experience through a journal entry when I first did this exercise, as someone with a high sense of self-love (4:38).

#2 100 Things I Love About Me. Write down what you love about yourself instead of focusing on what you don’t like or love about you. Once you’ve identified them, I suggest meditating whilst reading each line item as a reminder to yourself. Each time you feel beat up, you can always revisit your list and be reminded of why you love yourself and why you are worthy of love (8:51).

#3 Address the things you can change. Nobody’s perfect. If you can’t love yourself, or find it difficult for other people to love you, identify where that feeling is coming from. Acknowledge what is driving these feelings, its underlying reasons, and decide if it is something that you can address, resolve, or change (10:50).

#4 Forgive Yourself. There are some things that you can’t change or undo. Forgiving yourself can help you remove the barrier that’s keeping you from loving yourself if you are still beating yourself up for past experiences or mistakes. Recognize that whatever you did in the past is what you thought was best at that time with the limited information that you knew (12:16). Playing the same scenes in our head repeatedly make it hard for us to forgive ourselves as we re-ignite whatever emotions felt during the time. Realize that you are now wiser and better – and thus is worthy of love (14:08).  You may do this exercise by:

  • Treating yourself like you would treat a loved one who screwed up and felt unlovable (16:05).
  • Writing a letter to the old you or meditating to the past event with the wisdom you have today (17:14)
  • Focusing on something new, as sometimes the only way to let go of old baggage is creating new experiences. (17:43)

#5 Lean on your spirituality. Lean on God’s love to love yourself. Here, I shared a verse that I thought would be significant in reminding ourselves why we should love ourselves (18:08).

#6 Lean on people in your life who love you. Recognize people who cannot imagine their lives without you. Let their love penetrate your mind and heart so you you realize that you are lovable, and thus you must love yourself too (19:37).

Here are relevant links to today’s episode:

I hope that you practice self-love, as well as spread a general love for everyone this Valentine’s Day – you never know who badly needs some love or would appreciate a hug.

What are your thoughts on self-love? If you’d like to use the exercises I have outlined above in your quest to self-love, I’d love to hear about your progress, even your challenges too! You can reach me via the comments section, or email me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com, I make sure to read all of them!

Thanks so much for listening and if you find this episode insightful, show your support by sharing it with people who might find it useful too. You can also show your support by subscribing and giving a rating and review to your podcast platform of choice. You can find the show on iTunes, SoundcloudStitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Additionally, we’re on Patreon. Sponsor us for additional resources to help you grow! You can also find me on social media, on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter.

Until next time!


FCTB013: How to Identify and Prioritize Your Core Values

For today’s episode, we will tackle Core Values. Identifying your personal core values is guaranteed to help you grow, but most people do not see this as a top of mind thing to do. However, we often realize how important core values are once faced with conflicts and decisions where we find it hard to arrive at a resolution.

As defined, value is the relative worth or importance of something. While we all can value a lot of things, we also have our core values. If we look back to the balance wheel which we’ve discussed a few weeks ago, its spine/foundation is your core values, and it steers how you traverse your life.

Some of the points I’ve raised are:
How our core values determine how you spend your time, money and resources, how you treat other people and how you will be treated, what you will stand for, fight for and what you let slide (2:20).

Quotes about core values that I would like to share to all of you so you get to have a better grasp and understanding of the concept (3:20; 3:40; 24:31).

  • “Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same, but you leave ’em all over everything you do.” – Elvis Presley
  • “It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” – Roy E. Disney
  • “Begin each day with the blueprint of my deepest values FIRMLY in mind then when challenges come, make decisions BASED on those values.” – Stephen Covey

Looking back on my personal evolution and seeing that even I wasn’t fully aware of my personal core values years ago, and this drove me into being an advocate of learning (4:36).

How knowing our core values help us with communicating our stand better, dealing with relationships, understanding ourselves and the people around us, and realizing that despite differences or our own truths not echoing with the majority’s stance, it is alright (5:48, 12:15).

An exercise with a list questions to help you identify your values are listed below. I also share my answers to the questions, anecdotes, and confessions just so you also get an idea of what my values are (7:14).

  • What makes you happy and brings you joy (7:34)?
  • What frustrates you and ticks you off, and why (7:42)?
  • Where do you spend your time and money (7:48)?
  • Where do you want to be spending your time and money (7:51)?
  • What do you worry about repeatedly (8:01)?
  • What are you most proud of (9:36)?
  • What brings you a sense of fulfillment (10:03)?
  • Who do you admire and why (10:07)?
  • Who do you dislike and why (10:12)?
  • What do you think positively about (13:16)?
  • What’s the biggest argument you’ve had, and how was it resolved (13:28)?
  • When have you gone out of your way to help someone, and why did you do that (16:19)?
  • What sacrifices have you made for others (16:27)?
  • What decisions do you regret (16:35)?
  • What decisions would you make again in a heartbeat (16:41)?
  • What things, peoples, events, etc. do you feel drawn to (16:47)?
  • What things, peoples, events, etc. do you pull away from (17:03)?

How to identify your Core Values through this exercise by:

  • Checking what are the common themes that run through all your answers (17:59).
  • Identifying the values that keep coming up for you (18:29).
  • Taking the 3-5 most common themes (18:35).
  • Asking other people who know you well what they think your values are (19:00).
  • Prioritizing your core values (19:35).

The most important part of this exercise, however, is aligning your thoughts, words, behavior, and decisions around your core values. I also illustrate by sharing my experiences how knowing the prioritization and order of my core values made it easier for me to arrive at a decision.

I hope that you take the time to really reflect on this, maybe even journal about it, so you can realize your personal truth and core values.

When you’re done with this, I’d love to hear the results of this exercise for you, give me a shout out in the comments section, or by directly emailing me at charlene@fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com. If you find this episode useful to you, share it to your social circle and see how they’ll benefit from it too.

Kindly subscribe and give a rating and review to whatever platform you’re listening from. You can find the show on iTunes, SoundcloudStitcher, GooglePlay, and Podbean. Additionally, we’re on Patreon. Sponsor us for additional resources to help you grow! You can also find me on social media, on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter.

Thanks for listening to the show, and until next time!