What Practicing Discipline Taught Me About Self Care

If you’ve been following the blog you may know that I’ve endeavored to practice daily discipline in some key areas of my life for the month of July.  Well, being disciplined in reading the bible, attending church, walking the dog, blogging and exercising has taught me a thing or two about self care.

I’ll be honest. I’ve never really paid much mind to the concept of self care and burnout. A lot of people talk about it, but it has never resonated with me. I’m single. I have no children. I have all the time in the world to take care of myself and I do (believe me).

But the past two weeks of taking up the notch on discipline has given me new perspective. There are some days where I literary have no time to sit down and breathe. It’s work, then church, then walk the dog, then read the bible. It’s just go, go, go. Usually I have a lot of time to kick back and unwind at the end of the day.  Not now.

I can see how someone with kids and a spouse would have a challenge keeping it all together without burning out. And then add to it all the things we’re taught, things I convey such as, “Don’t let your feelings dictate your actions. Let your goals dictate your actions.” Yet, sometimes we do need to let how we feel determine what we do next. And we should be able to do that without feeling guilty.

Or how about, “I’ll sleep when I die.” I went to Stay Ready by Eric Thomas & Associates. One of the speakers was the founder of Sleep is 4 Suckers. He said he wore a Sleep is 4 Suckers shirt to a retail store and a woman working there said she didn’t agree with it. His attitude was, “Of course she didn’t. She was working in retail.” But I agree with her. Sleep is not for suckers. Sleep is for me! But we’re taught not to rest. It’s so ingrained in us that we think taking a break is detrimental to our futures. We’re afraid of just unplugging and unwinding. We’re afraid of sleeping.

There are some nights I don’t want to do all that I’ve set out to do. For the most part I’ve been pretty disciplined (minus my eating…yikes!) But I don’t want to be. I want to end the night early and have some me time. I don’t want to read the bible. I don’t want to walk the dog or exercise.  But if I haven’t read the bible I have to read it, because if I already made time to walk the dog I have time to study the word. Put God first. And if I haven’t exercised I can’t slack on that. My eating is hit or miss so I better be 100% on point with at least exercising.

It’s the guilt trip.

If I as someone who has no responsibility to anyone except for me (and my dog and I just give her a chew toy to keep her busy) risks burnout I can only imagine what someone who has much more at stake has to deal with.

So what I’ve learned and what I want to tell you is:

** Sometimes it’s okay and dare I say even necessary to choose your feelings over your goals. Sometimes choosing your feelings better enable you to accomplish your goals. Don’t be afraid to skip a workout or ditch the walk around the neighborhood with the dog simply because “You don’t feel like it.” You don’t need a better answer than that. The key obviously is moderation. You can’t never feel like it, but if you’re on your A game most of the time taking a break is okay. In fact, it’s critical.

** We’ve got to stop guilting ourselves. Nobody’s perfect. You deserve grace. I deserve grace. But as long as we put so much pressure and guilt on ourselves to get it right every time we are bound to burn ourselves out.

** It’s okay to sleep. Go to bed!

I’ve learned that self care is about being disciplined in giving you what you need. It’s choosing you over all else because you are the you that goes with you everywhere. And if you are burnt out, defeated, lethargic, depressed, unhappy, uninspired, clutter-minded, out of focus and in general a mess you will make a mess of your life and the very things and people you’re committed to giving your best.

It’s cliche, but you cannot pour from an empty cup. Being disciplined, although very important in creating your best life, empties your cup. Chasing dreams and goals empties your cup. Church obligations can empty your cup. Family, friends, and spouses empty your cup.

Self care fills it back up again. Stretch yourself to achieve your goals. Stretch yourself to be disciplined. But know that your cup will run low. Fill your cup high and fill it often.

So You Better Do the Right Thing Like Spike Lee

This goes without saying: Do the right thing. People lose so many opportunities and potential money because they won’t do the right thing.

Yesterday I published a podcast episode and show notes, “How to Rediscover Who You Really Are.” These show notes are noticeably shorter my previous show notes. Why? Because I cancelled my contract with my show note producer. Over time she kept increasing the amount of time she needed to summarize the show. She went from 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours. I didn’t make a big deal about it because she was actually producing higher quality show notes which is good for SEO.

I didn’t think she operated with the most integrity because even as my episodes shorten from one week to the next she still took the same amount of time. In the back of mind I was considering not working with her anymore. She is a really sweet person and she does do some digging to find relevant links and whatnot. However, it just always seemed as though her hours reflected more of what she wanted to get paid and less of how much time she genuinely needed to complete the task.

And then I took the month of June off. When I came back she took 3.5 hours to do a 20 minute episode. I immediately cancelled the contract. She was making up for lost time. Yet, how much did she give up trying to compensate for the loss of June income (which is the nature of freelancing)? Hundreds if not thousands.

Doing the wrong thing even if you’re a really nice person will eventually catch up to you. People are not stupid. They notice. And if they’re like me they’re not going to tell you over and over again. I called my assistance out one time when I thought she took more time than she needed. But I didn’t nag her about. I took notice. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. And when she pushed the envelope too far I discontinued using her services without warning.

I’ve come across a lot of shady people in real estate investing and in blogging/podcasting. You lose opportunities when you don’t do the right thing. I wrote about John the roofer in the past. John did a shoddy job on one of my roofs. And then he went ghost. But I have multiple houses and I know other landlords. It would be in his best interest to do a great job to get repeat business and referrals.

Again, it really goes without saying, but apparently it needs to be said. Do the right thing. People notice.

If you make a commitment to do something do it.

If you promise your client or potential client you’re going to do x, y, z do x, y, z. Don’t just do x or x and y. Do it all because they signed up for it all. I’ve worked with coaches where they rattle off all these things they’re going to do for you before you agree to work with them. Yet once you start working with them they don’t do it. Not because they’re bad people, but because they don’t pay attention to what they’ve agreed to. And that don’t care enough to ensure they’re following through.  Doing the right thing means not over-promising intentionally or unintentionally. It means not making agreements without making note of what you’ve agreed to. It means having a process to deliver upon what you have promised. It means having a strong follow through.

If you’re getting paid by the hour don’t pad your hours. Be honest. Save your client money when you can.  It’s easy to compare how much value you received for your money across time or services. People will eventually know that the value of their dollar is decreasing.

If you’ve been given an opportunity you don’t deserve knock it out of the park. Make the person who gave you the opportunity think, “Man, I thought I was blessing them but they blessing me.” Don’t take on an opportunity and then do nothing. Do your part. It’s the right thing to do.

Always do the right thing, because if you don’t you will lose more than you gained by doing the wrong thing. But beyond that do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. Don’t be self serving in your dealings. Don’t focus so much on what you have to gain that you don’t actually give anything.

Be a person of integrity by doing the right thing like Spike Lee.

How to Stay Ready

Yesterday I attended the Stay Ready Conference hosted by Eric Thomas & Associates. Attending personal growth conferences is one of my favorite things to do. And so many come through Houston which is a blessing! Similar to other conferences I’ve attended here are some of my key takeaways:

Be Who You Are

Willie Moore, Jr. graced the stage to tell us to be who we are which is a message I often spread as well. Willie says that you can’t be blessed while you’re pretending. If you pretend like you have it all together no one is going to reach out to help you. They think you don’t need any help. There’s opportunity that comes with being vulnerable so be who you are.

“I declare right now that you will win on purpose.” – Willie Moore, Jr.

Your Lineage is Counting on You

“If I don’t do what I’m supposed to do my lineage won’t be able to do what they’re destined to do.” – Inky Johnson

Inky Johnson said that our lineage is counting on us.  This thing is bigger than us. Other people down the line will build upon what we’ve done. Our lives will open or close doors for them.

In order to stay ready so that your lineage can be ready you have to keep the right perspective. Inky has experienced a lot in his life. He lived in a house where his uncles sold drugs. His mother worked at Wendy’s. He could have ended up in jail like his relatives. He could have worked a menial job. He could have lost it. He could have gave up, but his perspective has allowed him to persevere through even the biggest challenges.

He went to college when people told him that he wouldn’t. He made it to the NFL. Early in his career his arm was injured and paralyzed. Once again he could have thrown in the towel and lost all hope. But he persevered and now he has built a career inspiring people to be their best.

“If I can get the right perspective about the situation nine out of ten times I can beat the situation.” – Inky Johnson

Inky says that we have too many options. He tells the story of how he went to pick strawberries with his family. Some of his family members were like, “I’m not feeling this” and went back to the car. They gave up because they could. But our ancestors picking cotton couldn’t just walk away whenever they got ready. That option wasn’t available to them. But we have a plethora of options and we can exercise our right to give up whenever we get ready.

“Until it’s do or die you not really in it.” – Inky Johnson

Our ancestors only had two options – do or die. We’re not really in it – our goals, our future, our business, our marriages, etc. – until it is do or die. Inky says we have to approach it with everything we’ve got. That’s how you stay ready. “It’s the spirit of no option and no choice.” It’s simply do or die. There’s no retreating and no running.

“There’s no special talent. It’s grit.” – Inky Johnson

Not only is our lineage counting on us, but our ancestors are counting on us. “At what point do we honor the sacrifices of those who came before us?” Inky questioned. So many people have made sacrifices that we might be here. So many people didn’t give up on picking cotton that we might be here. They persevered. They prayed. And that perseverance and prayer made it possible for some of us to even be alive. So when do we honor them? When do our actions and decisions line up with the opportunity we’ve been given? It’s time that we take the platoon and run the next phase of the race before passing it on to our lineage.

“People burnout because they forget what they represent. The lineage.” – Inky Johnson

There’s so much more than I could say from Inky’s talk, but there were three other speakers. But I do want to end with a few notable quotes:

“If you’re foolish enough to have that type of faith God will put you right in front of it.”

“As long as you make sure someone else’s life is okay God will always make sure your life is okay.”

“Adversity makes some people break and some people break records.”

“Make the decision that you won’t be denied and you become dangerous.”

Know Where You Are

Jeremy Anderson took the stage next. He said that he didn’t ask for the opportunity to tour with Eric Thomas and Associates. Yet, at the same time he did. As he began to put the work in and do a little self reflection the call came to him. He asked for the opportunity with work and consistency.

“In order to get to the next level you have to know where you are.” – Jeremy Anderson

Jeremy says that sometimes the way we view ourselves is not the truth. He tells a story of how he thought someone had photoshopped a picture of him. In the picture his hairline was so far receded someone must have doctored it. His wife lovingly let him know the photo was legit. He decided it was time to go bald. Lol.

Our image of ourselves is sometimes not the reality. This can actually work both ways. Jeremy focused on how we are blinded to our shortcomings. There’s also a such thing as being blinded to our gifts as well. We must recognize who we really are and where we really are so that we can figure out where to go next and how to get there.

“Always grateful, but never settling.” – Jeremy Anderson

In order to grow we have to pull up all the negative stuff. Similar to gardening. We have to get rid of the weeds. But if you can’t even acknowledge the weeds in your own life and being you’re not going to be able to pull them up.

Jeremy says not to ask why the grass is greener on the other side. Ask what they are doing to make it greener. Are they fertilizing it? Watering it? Perhaps it’s even fake. You don’t need to know that the grass is greener. You need to know how to get your grass greener. You need to know what they’re doing.

At the same time focus on yourself. Be the best that you can be. Do what it takes to have greener grass. And be willing to look crazy for a while. Sometimes when you start pulling up the negative stuff you look and feel a mess. But that is only temporary. Being willing to temporarily look crazy will set you up for success.

“Be desperate to win and desperate to grow.” – Jeremy Anderson

How do you let go of the dead stuff? Tell yourself “I don’t do that no more.” Stop saying “I’m trying to quit.” Say you don’t do it anymore even if you’re still struggling with it. Jeremy used to do drugs and drink a lot. When he was quitting and people would ask him if he wanted to smoke a blunt he would reply, “I don’t do that no more.” Even though he really want to go smoke a blunt! And it worked for him. I forget the exact number but he’s been clean for years.

Some additional quotes from Jeremy:

“I told my wife I know how our story ends. It ends with us being rich…It ends with us being lenders and not borrowers.”

“Shaq’s feet look like they’re possessed by concrete. Are you willing to break your feet?”

“One day at a time. Today I choose to win.”

“People don’t buy dreams. They buy reality.”

“Don’t put too much power in your DNA. (As in my mom this or my dad this). Your DNA doesn’t determine your destiny. Your decisions do.”

Fear is a handicap

David Shands, CEO of Sleep Is 4 Suckers graced the stage next. I won’t spend a lot of time here because his talk was mostly business related and I don’t cover business training on my blog. The biggest takeaway for me even for non business owners was that fear is a handicap. He said it is a sickness. David brought up a website of phobias. I’m pretty sure that it was The Phobia List. There are hundreds of phobias on this website. There’s a fear of dancing (Chorophobia), a fear of responsibility, which explains some things, (Hypengyophobia) and a fear of telephones (Telephonophobia), to name a few.

When you look at it like that fear does really seem like a disability. If you have a phobia of responsibility can you see how that would disable you from living a life you love? So we have to be willing to get over our fears. He didn’t really go into details of the how, but identifying the problem is half the battle. According to David you have a disability. What is it? What fears are preventing you from staying ready?

Make it Happen

And finally the man of the hour, Eric Thomas himself hit the stage. His main message was we have to MAKE things happen. “Get ready to prepare to make oneself ready.” This means being proactive and not reactive. Eric says to measure how reactive you are in life vs. how proactive you are. He also says if you want to be a millionaire write down everything that millionaires do and do those things. That was an example, but essentially he’s saying that to be proactive and not reactive you find out what you need to do to be who you want to be and you do those things.

“Stop sitting by the phone.” – Eric Thomas

Make means to cause something to exist or come about that didn’t exist before. I am so of the philosophy of making things happen (as opposed to “manifesting” things). ET advises that we don’t need anything else than what we currently have to make it happen. You (and I) have enough right not.

“As soon as your brain can think it you are equipped to bring it about.” – Eric Thomas

Make the list of what you need to do and study that list. To get ready to stay ready for an opportunity starts with you. “Make sure every time you get the rock (ball) you score.” Operate at your highest level. Judge yourself before you judge (assess the people you’re around).

One thing ET said was that we have to take advantage of our present opportunities. We have to “knock them out right now”. Not just capitalizing on the opportunity, but being the person who can handle the opportunity. He tells how he almost got divorced. Not because he was cheating but because he didn’t know how to be a husband and his wife was ready to walk out. So many people want to change their decisions when things aren’t going right but you need to learn how to embrace your current opportunities. Not just trade them out for another. He said that some people are praying for a spouse (ME!) and a career while others have those opportunities but don’t fully embrace them.

If the current situation you’re in doesn’t work out it doesn’t relieve you of your need to grow. “If you break up with her you still have to be a husband.” So you might as well knock it out now. You might as well learn how to be a husband right now in this current marriage. No matter what you will still have to grow into a husband or a wife or a parent or a business owner or a more joyful person or a more disciplined person, etc. Running away doesn’t change it. Change changes it.

Some closing quotes from ET:

“You are no deeper than the people you run with.”

“Most of you can’t stay ready because you’re focused on the past. Let that go.”

Related Articles:

Tony Robbins’ How to Unleash the Power Within

Jack Canfield’s Getting to Great in One Day

Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder

Tony Gaskins Jr.’s Live A Balanced Life

Lessons From the Law of Attraction with Esther Hicks

Breakthroughs Out Loud From Lisa Nichols & Team

Networking Tips For Black Woman Entrepreneurs and Professionals

I don’t really like networking. I know how important it is, but I undercover despise it. Not only do I dislike networking, I dislike being networked with. So many people get it so wrong. It you’re a successful black woman entrepreneur or professional it’s important that you learn how to network effectively. Here’s my tips for how to do it right:

Ditch the Hidden Agenda

I received an instant message from a woman I participated in a mastermind group with. The message said, “Hi Charlene, I thought about you and wanted to check in with you to see how you are doing.”

It was a welcomed message from someone I built my business along side for six months. I thought how nice of her to check in. Sometimes we get so laser focused on what we’re doing we forget to stay in touch with others. So I’m in a feel good state. That was so sweet of her to reach out. I write back that I’m doing good. Chasing the dream. And then she writes back that she is trying to sell her product and wants me to promote it to my audience.

Eye roll.

“Ugh, I should have known it was something.” Usually my hidden agenda radar is on high alert. I spot, “I’m pretending like I just thought of you, but I really want a favor from you” a mile away.

So I went from a feel good state that someone thought of me and took the time to reach out to an eye roll state.

When you’re tapping into your network you don’t want them to feel tricked or misled. Having a hidden agenda elicit those feelings. I said on the How to Be Powerful podcast episode that hidden agendas make you powerless. Ditch this networking method. It’s ineffective and you will watch the network that you do have slowly decrease in size. People do not want to be tricked or misled. They don’t want you pretending to care when you don’t.

What I would have rather her said is this, “Hey Charlene. Hope all is well. I know we haven’t touched base in a while. I’m knee deep in trying to get this business off the ground. I’m sure you can relate. I’m reaching out because I’m looking for JV partners to help……………..”

Being straightforward works best for me. Pretending or leading with hidden agendas turns me off faster than you can say “no hidden agendas”!

Ditch the hidden agenda. Tell people what it is you want from them upfront. Don’t insult their intelligence. Don’t make them roll their eyes at you. Be direct. And don’t put pressure on them. Be okay with them not being interested.

I think sometimes people are reluctant to directly state their intentions because they know that they haven’t maintained their network connections. They don’t want the appearance that they are only reaching out because they want something. But let’s be real. That is exactly what they are doing. By acknowledging that you haven’t stay in contact you circumvent the need to pretend like you’re just checking in. Simply be honest about it.

Ask For the Right Thing

When I first launched my corporate career I would go to networking events frequently. I’d meet people and exchange business cards. I worked for Continental Airlines so people always wanted me to help them land a job there. Here’s how it would generally work: I’d meet someone at an event and exchange business cards. The next day I’d get an email from them asking me to put them in touch with a hiring manager or HR. I’d decline, but would tell them to let me know if they have any questions about a particular job opening they see.

Here’s the thing: if I refer you to someone or help you promote your business I’m basically vouching for you. But why would I vouch for someone I don’t know? Let’s say I did give a hiring manager’s name and email. What would happen next? The job seeker would email them and mention me. The hiring manager would then come to me and say, “Hey Charlene, I received a note from your friend John Doe. Tell me about him. Do you think it’s a good fit?” And I would say, “I don’t know. I met him yesterday.” How effective would that be?

When you’re networking and meeting people that you hope to leverage in the short term you have to ask for the right thing. You haven’t had a chance to build solid rapport with them. They don’t care about you yet and in all honesty you don’t care about them either. At least not beyond a surface level “care”.

So don’t ask people to go to bat for you. Don’t ask them to vouch for you. Don’t ask them to give you contact details for hiring managers. Most people love to help out others, but in a way that makes sense to them.

Networking is most effective when you ask for the right thing. Don’t ask for too much too soon. I mentioned that I’d always offer to answer any specific questions, but job seekers NEVER took me up on that. But that was the most beneficial thing they could do. I’m not going to put you in touch will any hiring managers because I don’t know you, your skillset, or your work ethic. But I can tell you want the hiring manager is looking for. I can tell you why the position is empty. I can tell what the culture is like. In other words, I would be willing to share key insights that a job seeker could use to draft their resume or prepare for an interview. That would be much more valuable than telling you who the hiring manager is.

Ask for the right things. Things that will actually help you. Get clear on what you need. And no you don’t need someone to give you the hookup (which is basically what people think networking is). At the same time be willing and able to help the other person get something they need.

Stop Assuming People Care

Entrepreneurs often have the idea that people care about their business. Someone is always sending me a Facebook message to tell me about the webinar they’re having or the product their launching. Which for me (and I may very well be weird about this), but instant message is a more intimate, personal vehicle for connection. I instant message my mom and sister nearly everyday. I had a former business coach send me an instant message. She could have emailed me, but IM has a more personal touch to it.

I say that to say that I’m annoyed when people IM me about their business. It sounds kind of harsh, but I don’t really care about your webinar. I feel like some business coach somewhere is telling people to do this. I wish they would stop. If a business owner wants to promote their webinar or other services via social media they should post an update to their own page and let people who are interested respond. But to come inside of my sacred, private space to promote your business is egoistical. What makes you think I care? (I only slightly feel like a witch saying this).

I just don’t care. At least not beyond a surface level “care”. Do I want you to be successful? Of course. Will I support you? Sure, if there’s an opportunity to do so that feels right to me. Do I want you constantly messaging me about what you’re doing? No. I don’t.

One woman whom I’ve met one time in person and never really spoke to since sent me a message that said, “I’d love to have an excuse to visit your area.” She wanted my help booking speaking gigs in Houston. The problem is I don’t really care if you visit my area or not. I don’t even know you. What a silly message to send.

Stop assuming people care about what you’re doing to the point of visiting their inbox unannounced. Instead learn to care about people.

Care About People

You may have heard the saying, “It’s who you know.” And that evolved to, “It’s not who you know. It’s who knows you.” Well, here’s my remix, “It’s not who you know. It’s not even who knows you. It’s who cares about you. And people care about people who care about them.”

That’s what this all boils down to. People who care about you will help you do anything. If I care about someone I will not only help them in their business. I’ll help them pack up the house if they were moving. I’d help them paint the baby’s room. Whatever they needed.

Networking isn’t really about what you’re doing. It’s not about what you need in your business or your career. People who care about you will help you do whatever you need help with within reason. If I had a genuine relationship with the woman who said she’d love an excuse to come to Houston I might have had a different response. I might have said, “Hey girlie! I’d love it if you made your way down Houston. It’s been so long since we’ve connected in person. I don’t know of anything personally, but let me ask around.” What I actually said was, “I don’t know of anything personally. I’ve found speaking gigs in the past by googling ‘call for speakers’. See how that works for you.”

It’s the difference between someone be willing to roll up their sleeves and get a little in your situation or business with you and someone who will help but minimally.

Someone who genuinely cares about you will be more willing to help you. Someone who doesn’t will be of the mindset that you need to find your own speaking gigs or webinar participants like the rest of us.

You want people to care about you and that starts with you caring about them. Don’t be selfish in your networking. Care about people as much as you can. Show them as often as possible. Build genuine relationships with them. And when you need them they will be much more likely to respond advantageously.

20 Quotes on Self Discipline That Will Help You Achieve Big Goals

I am on day 5 of my 31 Day Daily Discipline Challenge. It’s not hard, but it’s not necessarily easy either. I have to be much more mindful about scheduling my time. As someone with no kids or husband my days are generally free flowing. But when I’ve taken it on to exercise, blog, walk the dog and attend church services at a specific cadence I have to be planned. At the same time one of my tenants abruptly cancelled her lease so I’m in the midst of doing a make ready for the next tenant. Which complicates things a bit. I could use that as an excuse to not follow through, but I won’t because that’s the whole point of discipline. Sticking with it no matter what.

Last night I did not want to exercise! But I did it anyway. Why? Because it was Tuesday and that’s the schedule I laid out. Being disciplined means doing what you need to do regardless of how you feel. It means stay committed no matter how busy, sleepy, or tired you are. It means staying on target even when unanticipated things pop up.

To help you get in the spirit of discipline I’ve rounded up these quotes to inspire you.

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” – Jim Rohn


“Excellence is a journey. Discipline is the vehicle.” – Unknown


“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” – Jim Rohn


“It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through.” – Zig Ziglar


“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.” – Buddha


“Without hard work and discipline it is difficult to be a top professional.” – Jahangir Khan


“Winners embrace hard work. They love the discipline of it, the trade-off they’re making to win. Losers, on the other hand, see it as punishment. And that’s the difference.” – Lou Holtz


“Most people want to avoid pain, and discipline is usually painful.” – John C. Maxwell


“The discipline you learn and character you build from setting and achieving a goal can be more valuable than the achievement of the goal itself.” – Bo Bennett


“Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.” – Frank Herbert


“Live your life while you have it. Life is a splendid gift. There is nothing small in it. Far the greatest things grow by God’s law out of the smallest. But to live your life, you must discipline it.” -Florence Nightingale


“You need three things to win: discipline, hard work and, before everything maybe, commitment. No one will make it without those three. Sport teaches you that.” – Haile Gebrselassie


“It’s easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you’re a winner, when you’re number one. What you got to have is faith and discipline when you’re not a winner.” -Vince Lombardi


“We all naturally want to become successful… we also want to take shortcuts. And it’s easy to do so, but you can never take away the effort of hard work and discipline and sacrifice.” – Apolo Ohno


“In terms of instilling the values of mental toughness and work ethic, discipline is the gift that keeps on giving.” – William Baldwin


“I believe that through knowledge and discipline, financial peace is possible for all of us.” – Dave Ramsey


“Sacrifice, discipline and prayer are essential. We gain strength through God’s word. We receive grace from the sacrament. And when we fumble due to sin – and it’s gonna happen – confession puts us back on the field.” – Lou Holtz


“It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.” – Miguel de Cervantes


“Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There’s plenty of movement, but you never know if it’s going to be forward, backwards, or sideways.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


“If you discipline yourself today, you’ll enjoy your life more tomorrow.” Vicki Hitzges

Breakthroughs Out Loud From Lisa Nichols & Team

A few weeks ago I attended Speak and Write  To Make Millions hosted by Lisa Nichols and Susie Carder. I know several people who have attended in the past. I actually participated via live stream a few years ago. I was traveling that weekend so I didn’t participate live. I watched the replay. Anyway, everyone kept telling me how insane it was. “The days are long. Everyone cries. The event is amazing. You have to go in person.”

While I didn’t cry, the days are long (the introvert in me dipped out early the first night) and the event is awesome. I learned a lot. I made a lot of great connections and relationships. And it was in San Diego. What more can I say? Here are some of my breakthroughs out loud (BOLs) as Lisa would call them:

Be committed to your vision

When you’re not committed you wonder, “What if?” What if it doesn’t work? What if I don’t have what it takes? What if it’s not my purpose or what God wants me to do? Women say to me all the time, “I don’t know what my purpose is.” I’ve always believed that they know their purpose. It’s not hiding from them. Now I realize it’s likely that they’re just not committed to their purpose.

When you become non-negotiable about your vision you’re not worried out that thing. That thing is worried about you. Non-negotiable means moving everything else off the table.

Be enough for yourself

You don’t have to be everything to everyone. Just be enough for yourself. We think we have to be superman or superwoman to everyone in our lives. That’s simply not true. We just have to be enough for ourselves. We just have to like ourselves. The whole world doesn’t have to like us and they won’t. Sometimes we’re trying to be everything to everyone except ourselves. Sometimes there’s pressure to be someone else’s rescue or to accomplish their goals for them.

My sister went to Kentucky a few years ago to visit. She gave our dad a $100. I went to Kentucky a few weeks after she did. I gave our dad $0. Now if he would have asked or said that he needed financial support I would without hesitation give whatever I had to give. He didn’t and I didn’t. My dad made a comment to my sister, “Charlene never does stuff like this.” As in give money.

In the back of my head I felt bothered by the statement. (1) because I give a lot to my family. I’ve paid for vacations, medical bills, and a house. Now here I am feeling the expectation to be enough and to give enough for my dad, but resisting the urge the comply. Why? Because in the front of my head is MY VISION. I don’t not give because I’m selfish or greedy. I don’t give because I’m focused and hungry for MY FUTURE. I don’t splurge for myself. My sister does. She has fancier stuff in her house than I in mine. There’s no right or wrong but that’s why she gives more. She spends more than me in general.

I tell that story because if I would have caved so that I could become enough for my father I wouldn’t be enough for me. If anybody I love needs me I got them. I’ll give whatever I have at the drop of a dime. But I will not make it rain on them just for the fun of it. I will not forgo my vision for their TEMPORARY pleasure. And my decisions on how to invest my finances and live my life is ENOUGH FOR ME. I pray and trust that my family understands that.

Trust your vision

You can’t see your entire journey right now because if you did it might frighten you. Lisa says, “Some of you are trying to understand the how to see if you want the what. Choose the want and you’ll find the how.” You have to trust the vision you see when you look into your future. You might not know the how now and that not knowing may be for your benefit. Stay focused on the what. Don’t worry about the how. And don’t let the how make you give up on the what.

Clarity comes with commitment

“You keep saying you want clarity. The universe is saying I need commitment. I’ll give you the clarity.” Clarity comes from commitment. It comes from taking action. When you move more of the vision becomes clear to you. You don’t need to see what’s in the next town if you’re not willing to leave your street. Get committed first and then you will see.

There’s no hookup…

There’s just the culmination of decisions. I’ve said before, borrowing from the words of Robert Frost, “Way leads onto way. Goals lead onto goals. Progress leads on to progress.” There’s no hookup. You have to make decisions – usually small ones – over and over again. In fact, Lisa says, “micro decisions lead to your biggest moments.”

Check your proximity

Although she said there’s no magic in being next to her, Lisa also tells a story of her friend Ann. Ann and her husband are wealthy. At the time Lisa was still building her prosperity. Lisa would go to Ann’s house and just touch the furniture and the structure. She was believing it for herself. There’s power in proximity. I think about it for my own life in what I’m building. I’ve been around millionaires and million dollar business owners. There’s something special about that.

“I loved myself enough to ask her to be my friend.” – Lisa Nichols in reference to Ann

It’s important to surround yourself with like minded people. People to encourage you, inspire you, and lift you. You don’t need dream doubters and naysayers. You don’t need people with small vision. You need people who are going where you want to go or who are already there.

Lisa also says that you need a combination of leavers (as in people you leave) and chasers (as in people you chase) in your life. If you only have chasers you’ll always feel like your being left behind. If you just have leavers you’ll always be the best person in the room.

Check your proximity and adjust as needed.

Interrupt your patterns

“You have to pattern interrupt your habits so you can pattern interrupt your life.” You are your habitual actions and decisions. You are your routine. When you want to change your life you have to change the things you do everyday. Interrupt your daily habits so that you can interrupt your life.

Always know what you need next

It’s critical in life to identify what you need next. If you’re not constantly identifying what you need next you’re just going to be settling. If you’re not clear on what you need next you need clarity next. Sign up for a free clarity call with Charlene at www.transformwithcharlene.com.

Say goodbye

Sometimes you have to say goodbye to one season of your life to give birth to the next season of your life. And sometimes you need someone to help you walk to the next level of your life.

Sometimes when we think we’re stuck we just holding onto something that we should be letting go. Fear of the unknown, comforts, and confusion prevent us from moving on. Learn to say goodbye to old seasons of your life. Don’t just go into the next season of your life. Go in non-negotiable.

“The smartest thing I did 22 years ago was get a personal life coach.” – Lisa Nichols

Play big

The bigger you play the bigger the breakdown. If you’re not having breakdowns you’re not playing big enough. Expect breakdowns when you play big, but know that suffering is optional. You do not have to suffer. If you’ve chosen to suffer – maybe you’re choosing to suffer right now – know that it is optional. Grow, don’t crumble in face of your breakdowns.

What’s next?

You don’t have to know everything you just have to know where to get it. Don’t try to eat the elephant. Take a bite. Remember those micro decisions (and actions). Focus on what you need to do next. Where do you need to focus your attention next? What project do you need to work on next?

Take radical action

Action alone is not enough. You need to take radical action to accomplish your goals. Schedule your tasks. If it’s not in the schedule it’s not getting done.

Control your thoughts

Remove any conversation in your head that might interrupt your growth. Show yourself unconditional love. Give yourself grace. Quiet the voices inside your head – the judgments, the evaluations, the commentary so you can grow.

Don’t grow alone

Say it out loud, “I will not grow alone.” You need a support system to help you grow. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with like minded people. That’s why it’s so important to invest in coaching. That’s why I attend so many personal development events and have worked with so many coaches. It’s hard to grow alone. And it’s not as fun.

“A coach will tell you what you don’t want to hear so that you can be who you know you were meant to be.” – Susie Carder

Learn more about Lisa Nichols, Motivating the Masses, and her events, products, and coaching at www.motivatingthemasses.com. Learn more about Speak and Write to Make Millions at www.speakandwriteworkshop.com. Learn more about Susie Carder at www.susiecarder.com.

Your turn

Successful people have coaches. I worked with tons of coaches – Fitness, Business, Sales, Life, Book Writing coaches. Every time I want to go after something in my life that is currently out of reach I reach for a coach. It’s an important part of personal growth and development.

It used to be said that it takes a village to raise a child. We used to have daily access to the wisdom of our elders. We lived in smaller communities and stayed close to our village, our tribe. But now, with advancements in standards of living, careers, gender equality our village is more spread out then ever. Yet, we still need the support, the wisdom, and the guidance of someone experienced and/or trained to coach us along. The need and the value hasn’t gone away just because the way we live has evolved. You still need a helping hand. You still shouldn’t grow alone. And you don’t have to.

If there’s something that you want for your life that is currently out of reach and you’re ready to grab a hold of it I’d like to invite you to apply for a complimentary, no obligation clarity call with me. You can apply at www.transformwithcharlene.com. If you have big goals for your life, if you’re ambitious, and non-negotiable about your future it shouldn’t be a matter of IF you’re going to partner with a coach. It’s a matter of WHO. Who will you partner with on your life goals? I’m inviting you to consider me. Apply at the link above. I look forward to meeting you! ~ Charlene

Related Articles:

Tony Robbins’ How to Unleash the Power Within

Jack Canfield’s Getting to Great in One Day

Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder

Tony Gaskins Jr.’s Live A Balanced Life

Think and Grow Chick’s The PowerHouse (aka Powerful Woman)

Lessons From the Law of Attraction with Esther Hicks


Lessonings From The Law of Attraction

Last weekend I went to an Abraham-Hicks Vortex of Attraction workshop led by Esther Hicks. Below you will find my key takeaways.

Before I jump in though I want to clarify that I personally do not believe in the channeling of spirits. I’m not speaking to the intentions or integrity of anyone. I’m just stating for the record, because it’s important to me to be authentic and honest and not to ever mislead anyone. I am not endorsing any spiritual channeling. If you believe in the channeling of spirits or Abraham (apparently a collection of spirits), great! You’ll enjoy this post. If you do not believe in such channeling that is also perfectly fine. I learned through my research that Jerry Hicks (Esther’s deceased husband whom she started this business with) was a motivational speaker at Amway (a network marketing company) earlier in his career.

Whether you believe the learnings below are from spiritual entities named Abraham or that they are great motivational/self improvement/personal growth content doesn’t really matter. The content is great. I took about 8 pages of notes in an essentially 3 hour workshop. (If you want to hear what I heard I believe you can purchase CDs of the actual event. This was the Houston, TX , April 15th, 2017 event. We were quoted a price of $65. You may have to call. I don’t see specific workshops for sale on the website.)

Okay! Now that the housecleaning is out of the way – here’s what I have to share!

Don’t Kill Your Desires With Doubt

If your desires feel good to you it means you’re not killing them with doubt. If they don’t feel good to you it is likely that you are killing them softly with doubt. One thing mentioned repeatedly is that we should focus on things that feel good to us. If there’s a conflict – you have two choices – choose the one that feels good to you. Focusing on things that don’t feel good to you takes you away from who you are. Doubt doesn’t do anything. It’s just an indicator of what you’re focused on.

Focus on what feels good despite the chaos around you.

Be A Focused Creator

Be mindful of what you are creating in your life. Don’t just be an observer of what’s going on around you.  If you spend all your time focusing on what is, you’re locking yourself into what is and not what could be. Staying focused on what you lack or your current situation prevents new and improved situations from coming into your life. You are a powerful creator who has come to earth to explore.

Don’t let the squeaky wheel get the grease. In other words don’t spend all your time and energy focused on the squeaky wheel, the thing that demands your attention at the expense of your true desires. I talk about this is a podcast episode on creating balance. The squeaky wheel could be a demanding boss, a needy family member or financial stresses. It can be tempting to divert all of your attention to the squeaky wheel in an attempt to quiet it. That may seem like the rational, peaceful, ideal thing to do. However, you have to stay focused on what you are intentionally creating and not get distracted by less important things.

How do you not concern yourself with what is? Let go of the defense or rationalization of what is. Don’t debate and argue with others. If your desire is less active than your belief your desire loses. When a desire is new it’s not as strong as an active belief is. Don’t reinforce unhealthy or limiting beliefs by trying to debate against them. Think of trying to convince a friend that a new opportunity is the right move for you. This is a new desire. It’s weak. Your friend, who means well, counters your arguments with rhetoric that supports your older, stronger limiting beliefs. The older beliefs will win every time.

Stay focused on what you are creating. Do not open the door to debate against your desires.  Usually when you debate with someone about your plans, strategies, goals, it leads nowhere. I speak from personal experience. They’re steadfast in their position. You’re steadfast in yours. The only thing that you accomplish is planting seeds of doubt. See lesson above.

The other thing you can do to concern yourself with what is is to focus on what you want. You can’t withdraw your attention from anything. You can only give your attention to something. Don’t try to not think about something. Purposely choose to think about your desires.

Quiet Your Mind

Quiet your mind to stop the momentum of negative thoughts and emotions. Negative emotions are tensions you feel when the physical you isn’t going along with the larger or inner you.

Your inner being is constantly giving you ideas and suggestions because it knows what you want. (See The Truth About Purpose podcast episode). You have a friend with a broader perspective. This “friend” knows where you are in relation to what you want. It knows the path of least resistance for you and can guide you around your negative beliefs.

Be a receiver of what you want. Listen to your inner being. Otherwise you will bang out your desires and goals the hard way.

How do you quiet your mind? Set aside 15-20 minutes to meditate and quiet your thoughts. You can choose to focus on the ticking of a clock or a flame flickering as examples. When you do this other thoughts will become less active and you will become a vibrational match to your inner being. Quieting your mind distracts you from what you don’t want.

You can isolate your thoughts and tune into who you are. When you stop all thought by quieting your mind and meditating you stop resistant thought. The absence of resistant thought allows positive thoughts to strengthen.

Follow the Impulse

Follow your impulses, particularly during/after meditation. Follow the impulse of the first conscious thought. See where it leads you. If you’re doing anything other than listening to your impulse you’re getting yourself off track. When resistance is down and desire is up the timing is right. You will get the impulse.

Be Here And Satisfied…And Here and Satisfied….And Here and Satisfied

The formula for happily ever after is being here and satisfied. Wherever here is. And then when you move to that next place be there and satisfied. Always reach for satisfaction. This goes along with the first point of doing what feels good to you. Esther defines happiness as “focus with little to no resistance.” This can be a struggle because the “tangible is intoxicating.” Don’t I know it? We all want to see results. We want to see the physical manifestation of what we’re working towards. When we don’t see it at the exact moment of when we thought we’d see it we get dissatisfied and unhappy.

Practice getting as far as you can into the day feeling satisfaction. And tomorrow try to go a little further. When you’re satisfied you’re cuing yourself up to be even more satisfied.

Be satisfied to be satisfied. Your momentum towards achieving what you desire increases in satisfaction. If you don’t show yourself you can be satisfied where you are you will be waiting on another ship for the rest of your life. And another ship. And another ship.

Adopt the attitude of happy now…happy now…happy now.

If It Feels Hard You’re Not Ready

If something feels hard you’re not ready. If there’s resistance you’re not ready. Resistance can sound like, “It’s not fair.” or “It’s just not right.” The difference between desire and belief creates resistance.

If something feels easy you’re ready. Go with the flow not against it. Trying to get the bugs out of the trouble spot puts more bugs in it.

If you can’t decide what to focus on focus on the subject that flows. The one with the least resistance. Stay off of subjects that make you focus on what you don’t have. Stay off the ones that make you feel dissatisfied.

When there’s no resistance things move fast.

Strive for clarity and not confusion.

Be Ready to Be Ready to Be Ready

Esther talks about going to look at a beautiful house on the beach. It was gorgeous and she wanted it. Until she heard the price. And then all these negative emotions and worries came up for her. I can totally relate. You want to buy something; maybe a new car or a new house and then the price really freaks you out! You’re worried about making payments on something you haven’t even purchased yet. You’re trying to rearrange bills or cut cable channels. It stresses you out before you’ve even had a chance to enjoy the darn thing. Esther says this friction means you are not ready. Remember, if it feels hard you’re just not ready.

But……..you can be ready to be ready to be ready. When the manifestation of what you want is the next logical step for you, take the step. When it is not simply be ready to be ready to be ready.

You don’t demand the universe or God to give you anything. You prepare yourself. You get ready.

If you don’t get going in the direction of what you want your dissatisfaction will keep growing. If your desires call you and you don’t follow you will become more unhappy.

Stay ready to be ready to be ready.

You Won’t Find Satisfaction Hating Someone

The subject of Donald Trump came up. To this Esther said that you won’t find satisfaction hating or judging someone else. Assigning the responsibility to another person will not make you feel better. You will feel better when you come into alignment. If you’re not waiting on something or someone to be removed you are free. Otherwise you are in eternal bondage.

Whee! Over 1600 words later. Lol. Again I really thought it was a great workshop. I would highly recommend it. Hope my write-up is useful to you!

Related Articles:

Tony Robbins’ How to Unleash the Power Within

Jack Canfield’s Getting to Great in One Day

Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder

Tony Gaskins Jr.’s Live A Balanced Life

Think and Grow Chick’s The PowerHouse (aka Powerful Woman)


How To Be A Powerhouse

I recently attended The Powerhouse hosted by Courtney Sanders of Think and Grow Chick. I actually featured Courtney a few months back in 21 Black Women Coaches Who Can Help You Transform Your Life, Business, Family, and Spirituality. I love going to personal growth/self help live events. This was my first Think and Grow Chick event. As always, I like to recap and share what I’ve learned.

What is POWER?

Power is the ability to achieve purpose.

We’re powerful when we’re able to achieve our purpose. This was derived from a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. I couldn’t capture the complete quote and I can’t find it online. But this is the gist of it. We’re powerful when we’re purposeful. Wherever that purpose might be. It could be as a teacher, a mother, a manager or business executive. I think right now we’re definitely in an entrepreneurial culture. I get it. I’m entrepreneurially minded as you can tell. (Did I just make that word up?) For some people this can be a trap that diverts them from their purpose. Being an entrepreneur is the “sexy” thing. It’s glamorous. But it might not be your purpose and that’s okay. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with working for and with someone else. If it gives you purpose and passion and income – rock out!

What does it look like when someone is in purpose and power? It looks magnetic. It’s mesmerizing. That’s why we love entertainers. When Beyonce is in her element it is hypnotic. Right? I had a boss once who was totally in her element and bursting in power (in corporate America mind you. You can find your power anywhere). I could see it. I could feel it. It was tantalizing.  It was inspiring. And it’s the reason that I have to keep going with From Caterpillars to Butterflies. I want to glow in my purpose and power. I’m good at a lot of things. I can analyze the mess out of some facts and figures. But I would bet that no one is mesmerized by that.

Your purpose is your element. It’s the thing that makes you glow to other people. Courtney said it’s like when people tell a pregnant woman she’s glowing. You glow with power. You glow with purpose.

I always feel so honored when I have the opportunity to connect with people living in their power. It was an honor working side by side with my boss. I was literally in awe of her at times. It was an honor to work with Rosetta Thurman of HappyBlackWoman.com. I am in awe of her and I’m kicking myself for not attending her last event. I worked with Rosetta for six months and attended a few of her live events in the past. When you get around these types of people you just don’t want to leave. I’m going through withdrawal.

I am in awe of Courtney and it was an honor to spend last night with her.

Being powerful doesn’t mean being competitive.

One of the things Courtney attributes to her current success is collaboration. Being powerful doesn’t mean you have to separate yourself from everyone else. It doesn’t mean you have to be better than. You don’t have to go around trying to outdo everyone.

I’ve learned that there are some people who believe that power is like energy. They believe that it cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be transferred. These people go around and try to take other people’s power. That brings a sense of competitiveness. It’s you versus me. Dog eat dog.

True power isn’t competitive. Truly powerful women know that all the power they need is already inside of them. They just have to do the work to bring it out.

Decide what you’re going to give in exchange for your vision.

The truth is your vision will cost you something. I always say, “successful people make sacrifices.” They sacrifice time, money, vacations, sleep, etc. Your vision will ask something in exchange of you. What are you willing to give? You have to make that decision. If you’re thinking that you don’t have to give anything you’re not being a powerhouse. You’re not setting yourself up for success.

Focus on the things that you’re nurturing.

Photo Credit: www.thinkandgrowchick.com

You don’t have to go, go, go all the time. When Courtney first started to really focus and commit to her business she was in go, go, go mode. She followed people like Gary Vaynerchuk and Eric Thomas who subscribe to the philosophy of always “grinding”.  To Courtney that’s what it took to be successful. Until it started to impact other areas of her life. She was a newlywed but she was really married to her business. Her and her new husband started growing apart. The go, go, go methodology didn’t work for her. At least not if she wanted to stay married.

Courtney learned that the “burn the midnight oil” blueprint worked for Gary Vee and Eric Thomas. They’re men. Men get their power and pride from being providers. Most women don’t. If you stay focused on what you’re nurturing, what you’re birthing and not being busy for the stake of being busy you can stand in your power.

I’m totally a believer in living a balanced life. It doesn’t make sense for me to be really great in business and my relationships suck. Or my health is stop notch but my spirituality is nonexistent. Balance is an important part of power. You can’t be powerful if you’re depleted, unhealthy, out of sync or alignment spiritually or under financial distress.

Courtney shared an analogy using the game of chess. In chess, the Queen is the most valuable piece. Even more valuable than the King. The King can only move one space at a time, but the Queen can make unlimited moves during one play.

Sometimes we as women are trying to play like Kings instead of Queens. – Courtney Sanders

There’s distinct advantages to being a queen. There’s distinct advantages to being who we are. We have to nurture those advantages to be powerful women.

Ways we diminish our power:

We don’t understand our worth.

Courtney tells a story of how someone approached her for a business partnership. The arrangement included a revenue share. (Generally revenue shares mean that for every sale someone makes they will give the other partner a percent or fixed amount).  Courtney’s business partner wanted way too much of a percentage. Instead of saying so she sort of gave a soft agreement to her potential new partner during their meeting. She tried to think of how she could make it work. She really wanted to partner with this person. It was a great opportunity! But financially, it wasn’t a great deal.

It wasn’t until Courtney talked with her sister about it that she realized she was selling herself short. This person came to her. Obviously they thought she would be a valuable partner. Why was she doubting herself? Why was she trying to make it work?  She was at the mall with her sister at the time and she immediately stopped in a coffee shop to call the partner. She told them she spoke too soon. That revenue share would not work for her. She gave them a figure (that was 1/3 of their original ask) and they said, “Ok, no problem.” Viola!

We have to know our worth. All the time. Every relationship. Every opportunity. Everyday!

We’re not willing to make things fit our needs.

This kind of goes back to trying to do things the way the “experts” tell you. No matter what you have to identify your needs and make everything and everyone else fit your needs. Otherwise you’ll burn out. You’ll lose things that you wanted to keep. You’ll agree to things that don’t serve you. Being a powerful woman means making things fit on your terms.

We tend to be so agreeable and so flexible and so understanding that we neglect ourselves.  I dated a guy who I never saw. We live right here in the same city. But he had kids and he had to work. Blah, blah, blah. His needs were being met because he had a girlfriend he didn’t have to give much attention to. He didn’t have to put in a ton of effort. My needs weren’t being met yet I kept patiently waiting with empathy and understanding for him to give me what I needed from a relationship. I wasn’t being a powerhouse. I was being a double dutch girl. A get in where you fit in girl.

Now I know better.

We lack consistency.

Despite what anyone says your power is tied to your ability to work towards your goals day in and day out. That’s why I despise the way the term “manifest” is often used. It is sometimes used to imply that you don’t have to do anything. Yet you do! And you have to do it over and over until. Courtney says that the process is success. Not the destination. Not the results. You are successful when you can have the discipline and consistency to go after what you want….until. Your power is in the process. Your power is in your consistency.

“How long should you try? Until.” – Jim Rohn

Things to keep in mind:

Be careful of other people’s blueprint. Just because a blueprint worked for someone else doesn’t mean it will work for you. Learn from other people, but adjust for you.

Don’t wait for the world to validate you. It won’t. No one is going to validate you, but oh how we wait for it. We crave that feedback from other people that what we’re doing and saying is good enough. Being powerful is moving in the direction of your own purpose. So what if no one validates you? So what if no one sees your vision? It’s your vision! You don’t get discouraged because no one can hear your thoughts. You keeping on thinking anyway right? Don’t worry if no one can see your vision. It’s unique to you.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve always imagined.” – Henry David Thoreau

Thinking your fears are more important than the work you are meant to do is egotistical. Do you got a big ego? Your Fears <<<<<< Your Purpose

If God needs work to be done that He has assigned to you and you don’t do it He will give it to someone else. Don’t make Him do that!

You can fire your feelings. We get to choose our feelings. We don’t have to let them run our lives. If your feelings are holding you back from your power – FIRE THEM!

Recommended Reading:

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson

Related Articles:

Tony Robbins’ How to Unleash the Power Within

Jack Canfield’s Getting to Great in One Day

Mary Morrissey’s DreamBuilder

Tony Gaskins Jr.’s Live A Balanced Life

Black Women Podcast Newcomers To Listen To In 2017

From Caterpillars to Butterflies Personal Growth Podcast | Charlene Dior

This is my baby! Personal growth is my passion. I say it all the time but I truly believe that the purpose of life is to grow – physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, and emotionally. We are not meant to stay the same. Yet, I think most people avoid growth like the plague. We’re afraid to look inwardly. We’re afraid to see the truth about ourselves. We’re afraid to accept 100% responsibility for our own lives – good, bad or indifferent.

Life is special when we’re committed to growing. It becomes this limitless adventure where we get to leave our mark in whatever way we choose. We get to reach our highest potential and live without regrets. Growth is magical. This podcast celebrates that magic. It is all things personal growth. “This is where you go to grow and transform your life!”

I don’t necessarily talk about being a black woman on the show, but I do believe, from personal experience, there is room for black women to increase our commitment to our own personal growth. #blackgirlmagic #blackgirlsrock

Find the podcast right here on fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com. You can also find the show on iTunes, Soundcloud, and Stitcher. For more, follow me on social media, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

The Rush Hour Mentor | Monica Clark

Monica Clark is the Rush Hour Mentor. She’s on a mission to help others develop professionally and personally. Her show is a mix of interviews and solo episodes where Monica deep dives into her own expertise. Interview podcast are great, but I also love the solo episode format. Sometimes with interviews listeners don’t really get a understanding of who the host is and what she knows. This mixed format podcast gives you the best of both worlds. Again, Monica’s primary focus is on career development and coaching, but you will learn about a diverse range of topics with The Rush Hour Mentor podcast such as travel, self-care, and job hunting.

I previously featured Monica as a black woman coach to help you transform your life, spirituality, career, and more.

You can find The Rush Hour Mentor here: https://rushhourmentor.com/. Follow the show on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.


Changing the Face of Power | Rebecca Thompson

Changing the Face of Power is exactly what the title suggests. It is a podcast dedicated to helping black women run for public office. Host Rebecca Thompson interviews black women politicians. It is a platform not only for our voices to be heard, but also for other black women thinking about running for office to be inspired and supported on their journey.

As a former candidate herself, Rebecca is committed to teaching other black women what she learned the hard way. She lost her election by just six votes and she doesn’t want that to happen to anyone else. She wants black women candidates to be prepared, knowledgeable and confident. Rebecca is taking her show on the road (or should I say airplane) as she spends a year working abroad in twelve different countries. I can’t wait to hear from her international guests!

Similar to Monica, Rebecca was also featured as a black woman coach that can help you transform your life, spirituality, career, and more.

You can find the show on the website Changing the Face of Power Podcast. Also follow Rebecca and the show on Twitter or Facebook.


The Benevolent Builder | Charline Melon

A fellow Charlene! (Pronounced the same, spelled differently. I must say I’m partial to the two e’s smile emoticon) The Benevolent Builder podcast is dedicated to entrepreneurs. This show was created to provide a platform for black women entrepreneurs to tell their story. Charline is just getting started so keep your ears open for more from her. Her inaugural episode features Ms. Tamika Leray, a poet and artist. Tamika discusses spiritual health and wellness during the holiday season.

Listen to The Benevolent Builder on Soundcloud. You can also find the show on Facebook.


Fearless Discussions | Arian Simone

Fearless Discussions was recommended to me by Charline  (see above). Arian’s podcast is pretty new. Her focus is on having transparent conversations about real issues that affect our lives.

I like her show because her mission is very similar to the From Caterpillars to Butterflies podcast mission. There’s a slightly different take on it but ultimately she’s advocating for vulnerability, honesty, and openness.  We have to stop avoiding the truth and and start having difficult conversations so we can grow and transform.

Arian encourages her audience to be their best version of themselves and to walk in their God-given purpose.

You can find the show on iTunes. To learn more about Arian Simone visit her website ariansimone.com.

Check out the shows above and let me know what you think. If any of the shows resonates with you please subscribe, review, rate and share. I’m sure I can speak for all the black women podcasters featured here when I say we would love and appreciate your support.
What new podcasts hosted by black women or people of color in general have you come across lately?

4 New Personal Growth / Self Help Podcasts to Listen to in 2017

Are you looking for new podcasts to add to your personal growth library? Here’s my pick of up and coming personal growth / self-help podcasts to listen to in 2017 to help you transform your year!

From Caterpillars to Butterflies Personal Growth Podcast

I’m so excited to have finally launched my very own personal growth podcast! This has been an idea of mine for probably about a year. It has finally come to fruition. We’ve been live for about 2 weeks now and I’m super pleased with results thus far. Personal growth to me is about continuously closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be. It’s a lifestyle. This podcast focuses on how we grow, plan, think and live everyday in order to reach our highest potential. My personal philosophy is that we grow by being real with ourselves about ourselves, by tuning in to what we feel and what triggers those feelings, and my working to overcome the obstacles in our way. This show is all about practical insights, learnings, and tools to grow into the best version of yourselves. Episodes include Change Your Frequency to Change Your Life, Drama is a Distraction, and The Truth About Purpose.

You can find the show on the show website,  iTunes, Soundcloud, and Stitcher.



StoryHinge is hosted by Jason Vidaurri. The premise of this self help podcast is to help you grow by sharing real stories of real people. Jason believes that in order for us to grow and find happiness we need to challenge some of our assumptions. We sometimes build assumptions because we’re piecing information together. They are gaps in what we know to be true so we attempt to fill the gap as best we can. That’s why it’s important to challenge those assumptions that are built on partial information. Storytelling is powerful because if you can captivate someone’s attention and draw them in you can help them make key shifts in their thinking and in their lives.

One of my favorite episodes features an interview with Paul Smith, a storytelling coach. He tells a story of how his dad showed him what it means to be a man. Spoiler Alert: It has to do with quiche.

You can find the show at www.storyhinge.com.


Unstagnate: Live An Unconventional Life

Unstagnate is a podcast focused on unconventional ways to personal growth. The tagline is “Leave the Rut Behind.” This is not really your traditional personal growth podcast (hence the unconventional life part). Almog, the host interviews guest for each episode. Episode topics range from Sex to Travel to Goal Setting. Again, not your typical personal growth podcast.

One of my favorite episodes is with Leigh Louey-Gung about How to Live Life on Your Own Terms. Leigh says that everything we do in life is intrinsically motivated. We do it based on what we get out of it.  What we get out of it is different types of experiences. When we understand this concept we can create a life that gives us the experiences we want in empowering ways. We can choose the right pathway to the experience. An independent pathway that is within our control or a dependent pathway that requires someone or something else. For example, you can create an experience of freedom by getting drunk, but that isn’t the most independent, empowering pathway.

Find Unstagnate at www.unstagnate.com.


SelfWork With Dr. Margaret Rutherford

SelfWork is a relatively new personal growth podcast hosted by Dr. Margaret Rutherford. The purpose of the podcast is as the name implies, to help you do your self work. The topics focus quite a bit on depression (thus far, she’s only six episodes in and 3 focus on depression). The other three touch on infidelity, panic, and therapy. What I like about the podcast is that the episodes are on the shorter side (30 minutes or so). I rarely listen to hour long podcast all the way through so this is a great length for people like me. 🙂

SelfWork is really focused on emotional and mental health growth areas as opposed to the goal setting and mindset focus of a lot of other self help podcasts (including mine). SelfWork centers around emotions, characteristics, or moods that tend to hold people back but aren’t talked about a lot. They’re almost taboo to talk about. You know topics like depression and anxiety disorders. That’s why she’s a doctor!

Listen to the podcast at drmargaretrutherford.com

What new personal growth or self help podcasts have you discovered?