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Not Giving Up on Someone Else is Giving Up on Yourself « Personal Growth Blog and Coaching for Black Women

Not Giving Up on Someone Else is Giving Up on Yourself

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dont-give-up-on-yourselfI sat next to an amazing woman earlier today and listened to her tell her story. She’s been in love with an alcoholic boyfriend for 12 years. As tears rolled down her face she said, “I just don’t want to give up on him.”

I couldn’t help but to feel for her. Did she not know that by not wanting to give up on him she was giving up on herself?

She is giving up on her dreams of having a healthy, fulfilling partnership with an awesome man. She is giving up on the peace and security that comes from being in a relationship where her and her partner are aligned. She is giving up on being equally yoked.

Instead she was breaking her own heart in the spirit of not giving up on a man.

I can absolutely relate.

Believing that excusing someone who doesn’t belong in your life is giving up on them is a mindset issue. We tend to believe that ending things is the same as saying, “you’re not good enough.”

And we would never want anyone to believe that they aren’t good enough. They have amazing qualities. We’ve likely shared many wonderful times together. We love them. That’s just not the message that we want to leave them with.

On the other end we tell ourselves that everyone else in their life has already given up on them. Everyone else has already told them that they’re not good enough.

“I’m all he has,” we say.

All the while we’re giving up on our own dreams. We’re forgoing the things that we deserve.

Ending a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs is not giving up on a person. You give up on trying to figure out that darn rubric’s cube. You don’t give up on people. You just acknowledge that they are not the right fit for you. You acknowledge that you can’t change them.

And that’s okay.

What’s not okay is giving up on your own heart’s desire. It’s not okay to desire an earth shattering relationship with a healthy, sober man but go home in tears every night to a man who is not those things.

I encourage you to reshape your thoughts around what it means to end a relationship. It could be platonic, career or romantic. The only meaning there is, is “this relationship doesn’t meet my needs so it’s not the right fit.”

There is no meaning to be derived about who the other person is or isn’t.

There is no meaning to be derived about who you are or are not.

The only meaning there is, is the one that says “my needs and desires aren’t fulfilled so I have to part ways with this relationship.”

You are just as important and  valuable as everyone else in your life. Your needs and dreams are just as worthy as anyone else’s. If you’re going to exercise a spirit of tenacity and stickability let it be towards yourself. Let it be towards your dreams and your vision for life.

Not wanting to give up on someone else is causing you to give up on yourself.

Don’t give up on yourself.

If you feel like you have been giving up on yourself and you’re ready to start supporting yourself I invite you to apply for a complimentary REDISCOVER YOU clarity session with me. Learn what it means to discover and support yourself. Find the courage to put you first. Simply apply at www.transformwithcharlene.com.

 

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Charlene Dior

Blogger, author, podcast, investor, marketer, sister, daughter, pet mom, friend and Christian. Personal growth junkie who loves the idea that a caterpillar can transform into a butterfly! ? Grab my bestselling book From Caterpillar to Butterfly: Transform the Life You Have into the Life You Love on Amazon! Available in paperback or as an ebook.

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