FCTB035: Q&A w/ Business Coach Renee Lamb and Charlene

Business Coach Renee Lamb joins the show to interview Charlene. Listen in on this conversation between girlfriends where we discuss personal growth, spirituality, my upcoming book From Caterpillar to Butterfly: Transform the Life You Have into the Life You Love, and more!

 

 

 

Get ready for some ah has, laughs, and girl talk.

Visit the website: fromcaterpillarstobutterflies.com

Learn more about Renee: https://www.reneemlamb.com/


FCTB034: Do You Belong Where You Belong?

The need to belong is a strong human need. Maslow’s hierarchy says once we meet the need for food, water, and safety the next most important need is the need for love and belonging. Yet at the top of that hierarchy is the need for self actualization.

If we find belonging in a place that doesn’t honor who we are it often prevents us from reaching our fullest potential.

Hear more about the balance between belonging and self fulfillment in this episode.


I Went To A Marriage Conference & I’m Single

Real single. Not only do I not have a husband, I’m not engaged, dating or even remotely interested in anyone. I did go on a date a few weeks ago but he is not the one.

I went to the conference alone with nothing but a prayer and a mustard seed of faith. I have to admit I felt a bit silly and out of place at times. There were other singles there but overwhelmingly it was a couples fest.

So why did I go to a marriage conference even though I’m not married? Because I want to be one day.

Sometimes we have the attitude that we are going to get ready AFTER what we want is manifested. But a lot of times you have to get ready BEFORE the manifestation or else there will be none.

People say they will invest in their business when they have customers. Um, that’s backwards. Or they will act like a leader when they are in a leadership position. You’ll have confidence when someone believes in you. That’s not how it works. You get ready first. You act like a leader first. You build up your confidence first.

Is it possible that I will never get married? Sure.

I think that’s why people don’t act in advance. It has the potential to be a waste of time or money. We tend to want assurances before we get in too deep. But we don’t get assurances. We give assurances. We let life and everyone around us know what we’re about. When you give assurances that you want what you say you want I believe God is more likely to bring you the right people and opportunities.

If you’re not ready for what you want you will squander it. You won’t take care of it. You won’t do what you need to do to keep it. You’ll get lazy and apathetic. When you get ready first you equip yourself to handle what you are believing for.

And it’s act of faith. If I thought there was zero chances of me getting married I wouldn’t have wasted my time or money going to the conference. I show my faith by investing in a marriage that is no where in sight. It’s easy to invest in the marriage you have. Investing in a marriage that doesn’t exist when you are all the way single is faith.

Prepare for what you want in your future now. Not only will it help you attract and keep what you want today’s preparation will also help you recognize what you want when it comes. I’m building and growing myself as a wife now. My commitment to have a successful marriage means the man I marry has to be of a certain character and mindset. I can’t have a successful marriage by myself. My husband plays a critical role in that. I’m learning not just how to be a wife, I’m learning what a good, Godly husband is. So when I meet a potential suitor I’ll be able to ascertain whether he has potential to be “the one”.

Life moves when we move. Whether it’s a marriage, a business, a promotion or any other thing you want the first move is yours. Act like you want what you say you want. Invest in the thing that is no where near coming to fruition. Get ready now.  If you can’t invest in what you want before you have it you might not ever have it.

 


But You’re Doing It

On Friday, I went out for a night on the town with my good friend, Chavonne, founder of Blended Family Bliss. We’re both knee deep in building our businesses and a bit introverted (me more than her). As a result, we don’t always connect as much as we should, but we’re working on it. Right, Chavonne? 

Anyway, I was telling Chavonne how much I had going on – painting and cleaning a rental property and working with three different contractors to get it ready for the next tenant (this was unexpected as the tenant broke her lease), an usher ministry meeting at church, going through the first round edits from my upcoming book, plus a date with a guy I met on a dating app (trying to get my love life together). My weekend felt jam packed and overwhelming.

Chavonne so nonchalantly said to me, “But you’re doing it.”

She was right. I was doing it and that’s what matters. There’s a lot going on in this season of my life, but I’m showing up and handling my business. That’s what counts.

Sometimes when I’m overwhelmed (such as now) I repeat to myself the mantra, “Successful people make sacrifices.” Yes, I have to sacrifice some money right now. I’m sacrificing sleep. I’m sacrificing mental rest. But it’s worth it. It’s for my success.

If you find yourself buried by your to do list, I say to you what Chavonne said to me, “But you’re doing it.” That’s the important thing. If everything on your to to list is critical (right now) to creating the life you want and you’re doing it, you’re on the right track. You’re slaying the game. Hang in there.

If on the other hand you’re not doing it I say, “Successful people make sacrifices.” Make the sacrifices you need to make to create the success you desire. Success doesn’t happen any other way.

And if you have someone to support you on the journey remember to stay connected!


Be Oblivious to How You Measure Up

One of my rental properties is vacant. The tenant who was previously in the house hired the guy next door to mow the lawn. When she moved out he left me a note asking if he could cut the grass until another tenant moves in. I agreed.

What started out as cordial conversations about the lawn and flowerbed began to bleed into a whole other conversation.  I was at the house Monday waiting for a carpet installer to come by to get an estimate on replacing the carpet. While waiting my neighbor homes over to chat.

“I notice things, but I don’t be wanting to say anything,” the neighbor said. “See I can tell you don’t have anyone to wash your car for you.”

I literally laughed out loud. Sure, my car can use a cleaning. I thought he just wanted to make some additional money by washing my car.

He then goes on to tell me about his past relationships, his age(47), why he doesn’t have a job, why he lives with his grandma, and that he has no kids and has never been married. He also mentions he was called by God to preach (see previous statement about lack of job).

So now I’m thinking. “Where’s he going with this?”

“Sometimes I think I move too slow, but I don’t want to move too fast. I don’t want to talk myself out of anything either,” the neighbor continued. “I just want you to know about my situation. That’s why I’m telling you this.”

“Carpet man, where are you? Please hurry up and get here,” I cry inside my head. I’m now panicking, hoping he doesn’t ask me out. I keep glancing at my phone and looking down the street to see if any cars are coming. “They said they’d be there in 45 minutes. It’s been about an hour now.”

The neighbor proceeds to tell me he has been dating a woman recently “but that ain’t nothing” and that he’d like to have a kid one day.

“Carpet man! Wherefore art thou?!”…..”Ah, yes, carpet man is here!”

I tell my neighbor we’ll have to talk later.

Now my neighbor has no job, no home of his own, no car and is 15 years older than me. Yet, he had zero qualms about pursuing me. In fact, he is still pursing me.

He is completely oblivious to the fact that he may not “measure up” to me. I’m the opposite of him. I have a job. I own three homes. I live alone.

The only obstacle he saw in his pursuit of me was a man. And by looking at my car he decided I had no man. All systems go. He should pursue me.

Yet had it been me (and maybe even you) I would be thinking, “There’s no way she (rather he) is going to be interested in me. I don’t have my own place. I don’t have a job or a car. I’m not good enough to date her. I don’t measure up.”

I think it’s impressive that my neighbor gives no thought to if he measures up. I don’t get the sense that he was intimidated or afraid to approach me, but found the courage to pursue me anyway. Even now as he continues to call and text I don’t think he gives any attention to if he’s “good” enough. I don’t think it even crosses his mind.

I think he’s oblivious.

Now, I’m not saying he’s not good enough for me. I’m saying we’re not equally yoked. And that doesn’t concern him the least bit. Not only does it not concern him he isn’t concerned with if it concerns me. He didn’t say his situation was temporary or that he was working on it. He simply said, “I just want you to know my situation.”

And while I have no intentions in dating him I’ve learned something powerful from him. I’ve learned that sometimes we should be oblivious to if and how we “measure up”.

Stop measuring how well you stack up.

Stop worrying about if you’re good enough.

Be oblivious to the fact that anybody might think those things of you.

When you count how well you measure up you may just end up counting yourself out. You might talk yourself out of it. You might decide there’s no use in moving forward. You see too many insurmountable obstacles in your way.

When you’re oblivious there are no obstacles.

Obviously sometimes being oblivious is not a good thing. But when it comes to pursuing those things that interest you practice being oblivious. Move forward like there’s no possible reason you would not end up successful. Move forward as if there is zero possibility that you don’t measure up.


Always Be Willing to Start Again

So, I haven’t blogged in almost a week despite my pledge to blog daily during the month of July. And I haven’t been checking in on my Daily Discipline Challenge. I went to Kentucky for my uncle’s funeral so I missed a few days because of that. After that, I couldn’t summon up anything meaningful to blog about. Usually, my blog posts flow freely. I felt like I was trying to force it last week so I was marinating on my ideas before sitting down to write. On top of that I’ve been working on getting my rental house ready for the next tenant and I received the first round of edits for my upcoming book.

In other words, a lot has been going on and I’ve fallen off the bandwagon particularly as it relates to blogging and checking in. I do still walk my dog, read the bible, and drink water daily. I’m still getting my exercising in and attending church.

Falling off the bandwagon is no surprising event. I’m sure you have fallen off of your own bandwagons many times before. The problem is we all too often fall off the wagon and stay off.

I’m here getting myself back in the game. I’m getting back on my wagon, the 31 Day Challenge I’ve aspired to. One – because I still believe in the power of discipline. I also believe that discipline is more powerful in the long run as opposed to the short run. For example, it’s more advantageous to be disciplined in your eating over the course of a month even with slip ups here and there than it is to be perfectly disciplined for five days.

People tend to experience a setback or neglect their goals for a day or two and then give up, but it’s more powerful to stay the course over time. Even if you haven’t done a thing towards your goals for an entire week at the end of a year that week won’t matter. That is if you start again.

The other reason that I am starting again especially here on the blog is to show that there is nothing wrong with slipping up. I’m human. You’re human. It’s bound to happen, but it doesn’t have to seal your fate. Your setbacks only keep you back when you decide to stay back. When you decide to start again nothing can stop you.

This is what it takes. It’s what the greats do. They are always willing to start again. And often times they start again with more passion, fervor, and tenacity.

Have you fallen off a goal? Did you let a cheat meal turn into a cheat month? We’re halfway through the year. Are there some New Year’s Resolutions you’ve given up on or forgot about? If so, know that it’s never too late to start again.

Always be willing to start again. That’s how you win the game of life. That’s how you accomplish your biggest goals.

Are you willing and ready to start again? I know I am.

Let’s get it.

 


Quotes From Successful Black Women

There is no shortage of successful black women to look to when I need a little inspiration. After all, black girls are magic. Here’s some of my favorite quotes for successful black women in their respective fields. What quotes inspire you?

Photo credit: https://www.instagram.com/venuswilliams

“Some people say I have attitude – maybe I do… but I think you have to. You have to believe in yourself when no one else does – that makes you a winner right there.” – Venus Williams

“I am lucky that whatever fear I have inside me, my desire to win is always stronger.” – Serena Williams

“I’m always interested in challenging myself and pushing, and seeing how.” – Taraji P. Henson

“You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job and not be paid for it.” – Oprah Winfrey

“There’s always something to suggest that you’ll never be who you wanted to be. Your choice is to take it or keep on moving.” –  Phylicia Rashad

“I didn’t know I had it in me. There’s more to all of us than we realize. Life is so much bigger, grander, higher, and wider than we allow ourselves to think. We’re capable of so much more than we allow ourselves to believe.” – Queen Latifah

Photo credit: https://www.instagram.com/michelleobama

“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals.” – Michelle Obama

“Power is nothing unless you can turn it into influence.” – Condoleezza Rice

“When I’m not feeling my best I ask myself, “What are you gonna do about it?”I use the negativity to fuel the transformation into a better me.” – Beyonce

“Never dull your shine for somebody else.” – Tyra Banks

“I didn’t learn to be quiet when I had an opinion. The reason they knew who I was is because I told them.” – Ursula Burns

“Be you and do you and you’ll go a long way.” – Tamera Mowry Housely

Photo credit: https://www.instagram.com/tiamowry

“Nobody’s life is perfect and in the grand scheme of things, life is short. I think it’s so important to live life to its fullest and choose to smile.” – Tia Mowry Hardrict

“You just have to be yourself, and go full with confidence, and be courageous.” – Gabby Douglas

“Sanaa Lathan: “Being strong can be also feminine. I don’t think feminine equals being weak.” – Sanaa Lathan

 


Time Is An Ingredient

Success leaves clues they say. There’s a recipe for success. The recipe calls for the right skill set, a specific mindset, grit, and perseverance. If you follow the recipe you will bake up success.

Yet, time is also an ingredient required for such success. I’m not referring to the amount of time you put it. I’m not talking about working out for an hour everyday or working on your business for five hours every night. I’m talking about the time you don’t control.

If you plant a tomato seed today, tomorrow you will simply see dirt. Perhaps you will water the dirt and put down some fertilizer. The following day you will yet again only see dirt. Time is an ingredient. And you don’t control time.

You cannot make a seed sprout into a plant nor can you make a plant break ground. You can create the right environment for it to do so, but you can’t MAKE it. You might be thinking, “I can MAKE a seed turn into a plant and break ground by watering it and fertilizing it.” Again I repeat you alone cannot make a seed turn into a harvest. Some seeds are duds. You plant them, water them, put them in the right amount of sunlight and nothing happens. How do you explain that?

You have to give the seed what it needs and trust that it knows how and when to sprout into a plant and break ground. But you don’t control what the seed nor what time does.

Let’s say the tomato plant needs a gallon of water every week over the course of twelve weeks in order for the plant to grow. If you try to rush time by giving the plant twelve gallons of water in one day or even one week it will not work.

Time is an ingredient. And you simply do not control time.

If you have put together all the right ingredients: skills, knowledge, mindset, action, grit, discipline and yet you still do not have success it is probably because time is not done baking.

That’s why I don’t fall under the philosophy of “grinding” or working 20 hours a day. Doing what? Watching the scale to see if it’s going down? Should I be staring at my web analytics or refreshing my download stats every five minutes? It’s as silly as watching a cake bake or staring at the dirt covering the seed waiting for the plant to sprout up.

Of course if you have specific, value-add actions you can be taking do it. Grind. But if you are working simply for working’s sake – stop.

Time is an ingredient. Unlike the cake box there is no predetermined baking time in life. Perhaps there’s rules of thumb that you can leverage depending on what you’re trying to accomplish, but you simply cannot control time. You can influence time. You can hurry it along a bit, but you don’t control it.

I saw a conversation on social media where a woman said she needed to monetize her blog asap or else she risked being homeless. A man replied and said something to the effect of, “You cannot monetize a blog overnight. It takes time and money and generally more time than money.”

He said basically what I’m saying here. Whether you are losing weight, saving money, or building a business time needs time to do its perfect work. Time is an ingredient you cannot leave out nor substitute.